My hair is purple

Sort of. Actually, it's an amalgam of blue, purple, dark pink. It looks pretty good, except for the parts that don't. Aren't I helpful?

When I'm not lazy, I'll put up pictures. Provided I remember.


This is the coolest thing I've heard in ages. I don't think Zetaman is stupid. I think he's terribly goofy and hilarious, but completely wonderful. He started out doing citizen crime fighting but shifted to helping the homeless after getting into trouble and whatnot.

"I want to help because I grew up poor and I grew up starving and stuff," Zetaman said. "I'm an adult now, I have a job and I just want to help where I can."

It's so cheesy and geeky and absolutely perfect. I really, really love what this guy is doing. Apparently the word has spread around and there are actually superheroes in other cities doing the same thing and I think this is one of the best news stories I've read in months.

"Zetaman says he's met with some of these other solo civic social fighters and an alliance may be in the works."

I can't stop laughing while reading this article--I'm actually really happy, which is so strange while reading a news piece. I'd like a Seattle Superhero, please. This guy totally deserves a key to the city of Portland and a plaque, what he's doing is absolutely terrific.

The homeless may seem like a big waste of time to some, but I really believe that a nation should be judged on how they treat their least fortunate, not their most. There should be superheroes going to foster houses and group homes too.




Rock on, Zetaman.

Pinned in Puyallup

Welcome back (hopefully?) all you guys that shot up to Calgary this weekend. Hope you had lots of fun, spent plenty of time admiring the extreme hotness that is Tricia Helfer, brought me back a prize and enjoyed some good geekery shenanigans.

Looking For Villainy In All The Wrong Places?

I really love villain characters. Give me a good dose of the Joker, Luthor or Sinestro (and so on) and I'm one content chick. I love irredeemable evil. I love 'evil' that is motivated by a logic that you can actually understand--sympathizing with a villain isn't as awesome as almost agreeing with one is. I love completely random violence, so long as a girlfriend isn't being shoved into a refrigerator.

I find, however, that my love for villains and my love for equality in comics isn't exactly meshing well. I find interesting anti-hero women who I mostly like and have really great potential, but no true female super-villains.

It's . . . really frustrating. Even when women are bad, or 'go bad', it's thanks to the manipulations of a male character. See Ravager, Mary Marvel. And when females start out bad, I find the opposite to be true and they become good or 'better' through the lurve of a male character. See Catwoman or Talia or . . . crap, lots of people.

It's . . . really frustrating. I'd like some straight-up, no foam, no soy milk villainesses. . .eseses, please.

I don't believe it's an unreasonable request. I don't believe it's an unfeminist request (I do believe, though, that I'm making up words) or that it's a stupid one. Women can be superheroes so the opposite must be true.

Equality, please. And while I do want a super-villainess, I don't want her shoving her DDD's into the panel, hip-switching around on four inch heels and sleazily coming on to every male hero during every encounter in an outfit that every female knows would never, ever stay on without copious amounts of super-glue. Hey, am I taking all the fun out of comics yet? (sarcasm)

I don't want her shoving her sex in my face, because Luthor doesn't do that to Superman (only in slashfic). Villainesseseseses don't actually need to slap men in the face with their breasts--they don't need to slap them at all, I'm a personal fan of the sucker punch or a bomb. Or a good nut-punch (sorry guys). Of course some people might be offended by an Evil Woman. But other people, myself included, are already offended at the superhero females that are being passed off, so we might as well broaden the horizon, right? I understand that villainy in women might be a rare trait to find, so I'm not asking for an influx, I'm just asking for one believable, consistently naughty, regular guest star in the main monthly's to have a vagina. Thoughts? Am I missing a glaringly obvious super-villainessssss that competes on the same level as our favorite villains in the DCU? (please note the specific DCU reference, as I am just now inviting myself into Marvel and am therefore knowingly ignorant as to the Ways Of Magic Did It)

Praise Turtle-Boy, Countdown has Counted Down

Confusion abounds as I attempt to logic out--yet again--this week's comics. As anyone who is literate and steeped up to their ankle in the DCU can notice, everything is currently a cluster fuck in regards to where characters are, what they're actually doing and what is really going on. This isn't a big shocker and complaining about it at this point, while gratifying, won't actually solve anything. I will say that I shed a tear on this issue and am considering framing the final page in a nice shadowbox with the phrase, "Never Again".

It'd be nice if this never, ever, ever happened again. Didio, make a note.

Countdown: Firstly and most importantly, what the hell was going on with Donna's hair? Kyle, Ray, Donna and Ambush Bug elected themselves as Super Monitors in a move that wasn't as nearly as impressive or intimidating as they'd like you to believe. (pssst, Kyle, the OA need you, PHONE HOME.) Jimmy isn't a turtle anymore. Black Adam is still my personal Asshole Hero and had the best line in the last whole-buncha-issues.

"As I normally find beating children distasteful, I'll ignore you. Farewell, Mary."

Well played, sir. Mary Marvel = annoying plot device of a woman, though at least this week her skirt doesn't look like a cupcake. The ruffles, though, are completely out of control and I want the number to her seamstress.

Best part, aside from Black Adam Super Sexiness, was poor Ray's apartment being invaded by the mopey, lonely heroes. Pssst, guys, I'm sure there's something happening SOMEWHERE you could busy yourselves with.

The OMAC was cool--especially the Mohawk. Super sexy, even if his feet do look like they can be unattached/reattached at will. And Jason Todd making his way back into Gotham where he belongs makes me very, very, very happy. As does the prospect of Morrison writing him sometime soon and all you naysayers can go eat a dirty sock.

All in all, I'm proud/shamed/SHAMED to say I made it through all 52 issues. And now I feel like I have a hangover. I'm not exactly sure what happened. Or what the point was. Or why. Or . . . anything, actually. I actually feel like I'm in my late teens/early twenties again, half-drunk at six in the morning and blindly trying to find my panties in some guy's apartment so I can make my happy post-sex getaway as the memories swim to the alcohol-soaked surface. Thanks, DC.

If anyone can actually succinctly condense the important parts of this series for me, I'd really, really appreciate it.

Countdown was an awesome idea that grew way too big for its britches and tried to do too much without the support of surrounding monthlys. In a perfect world, we could all afford every comic book we wanted, so in that perfect world, Countdown would have had the support of surrounding main titles like Batman, Superman, Green Lantern and so on as well as whatever tie-in minis DC wanted to introduce. (Also in this perfect world, every character--especially female--are written astonishingly consistently and well, art is always awesome and Bruce 'fesses up to his fetish for young spry things in kid boots and there's a lot more naughty Kal-El because hawwwt). Because that's exactly what Countdown needed to have succeeded really well. Think of the surrounding monthlys as a Super Bra and Countdown as a DDD attempting to sprint through a crowded park. Not pretty.

Really though, if DC could've pulled that off, this would've been an astonishing series. It would've had consistency forced upon it, it would've had more interest drummed into it, it would've . . .

Woulda-coulda-shoulda.

Congratulations, though, DC, for making it through to the end. That's something. And don't worry, all you artists and writers that were involved in it: I won't hold it against you this time.

True Story

Qtilla said in a comment that I could have my boy give an elaborate cemetery for the cat (it has now been a week) so that he could grieve. Which is an awesome idea and something we're going to do this weekend. But it brought me back to the days of yester-year (two years ago) to a story about the Boy's First Fish.

The story really deserved its own post.



Once upon a time, I bought a goldfish for my son. We were living in a teeny little apartment (see: Hell) and a teeny little pet seemed an appropriate addition. It would be good for him, I decided oh-so-wisely, to have a pet to be attached to, to learn about feeding something every day, help me clean the tank, et cetera. A lesson in responsibility, developing attachments to animals, blah-de-blah. A good first step to someday having a dog!

Initially, all went well. He named the fish Number One, fed him every day and 'helped' me clean the tank. Number One was a little quiet, but the boy chattered at him happily and showed all guests his new pet. The first three months were Fish Owning Dream (except that time the boy dumped the entire food jar into the tank, but we solved the problem).

Everything was fine and beautiful bubbles until Number One died.

After about ten minutes of early-morning "Oh SHIT", I decided that this was just another good life step. My parenting path in life is honesty and no-nonsense. I don't want to tell my kid his goldfish is 'on vacation' if the goldfish hasn't actually gone on a vacation anywhere. Death is a natural part of life and should be confronted on age-appropriate levels. As should all things. So, confrontation time! How to explain death to a three year-old when that death is something personal instead of something abstract happening on a television?

After some phone deliberation with my partner in crime, I break it down to the kiddo and he asks the normal questions and we have a pretty decent conversation about this. He's broken the news to all our neighbors and aunties that his fish is dead (repeatedly) and we bury Number One. He has me sing Rock A Bye Baby in honor. No bagpipes or Amazing Grace, though.

All is well! He isn't traumatized by the idea of death and I have climbed yet another Parent Hill. Woot! I sneak out later and dig out the buried Number One and flush him, because I had a paranoid flash of a cat digging him out and parading his edible body on our back porch in front of the boy.

Everything is good until my conversation-forgetting husband brings home a Replacement Goldfish. That looks exactly like the old goldfish.

I must note here that we are a Zombie Friendly household, and as such the boy has long since been educated on them. You may sense where this story is heading, and if so, go ahead and start laughing now.

So yes, the next morning, the kiddo wakes up and runs over to the fish bowl so he can update all of us on the status of his dead pet. But wait! Number One is in there, looking healthy and fishy! Amazing!

Before I can explain to him that Dad got him a new fish, he informs me that Number One is a zombie. I attempt to explain that no, Number One is not a zombie when he runs outside, digs into the Graveyard for Fishes and comes up with . . . nothing.

Of course.

By now he is utterly convinced Number One is a zombie and nothing is going to change his mind about it. So I did what any reasonable, Zombie-Loving parent would do.

I went with it.

Zombie Number One lived a nice few months after that, by the way, and kiddo started calling the fishy food 'brains'.

A Question

This occurred to me, so I have to pose a question to my fellow senior hench-bosses serving at ECCC with me.

Is it asking too much to ask the newbie volunteers to learn the Dance Of Joy so that they might perform it on command? It could be part of the rites along with making it through the day without crying or assaulting Jamie Bamber/Julie Benz/Adam Baldwin/Anyone.

(No Assaulting Jamie Bamber doesn't apply to Hotness, who I'm pretty sure could take me if it came down to it).

Angel and Wesley, do the Dance of Gay!

Here's more happy times. Watch and giggle/snicker madly. Also, have a great afternoon.

Numfar, do the dance of joy!

Google Analytics is a special kind of crack. It has informed me I've gone somewhat international, so hello to the UK, Malaysia, Germany and New Zealand. Basically, it's a Super Stalking Website where I get to see where/how people are getting here. No weird search terms yet, in fact the only one was "Simon Dark" (go read it), which is reassuring. "woman and donkey sex" isn't something I think I'll ever be a source for.

. . . though I suppose now I've ensured it'll pop up.

Newsarama has an entire mini-site dedicated to NYCC (yeah, the one I didn't get to go to) which I think is a clever idea. All their reporting also means I can feel like I went to the con, information-wise. I just haven't gotten any cool swag (see right), ogled, my feet don't hurt and I don't have a hangover. There's a big debate over at Occasional Superheroine over this picture done by Adam Hughes, but I think getting it's quite well done, if a little too Vanity Fair influenced. I'd love to see a Men of DCU version of this poster, so I can obtain both and frame them and shove them on my wall. Lots of comments about Batwoman's position/clothes, but I personally adore it. All the women look gorgeous, none of them are over-sexualized; they're all still feminine and sexy (shocker!) and rocking. So kudos to Hughes, imho, for a great job well done. If you got one and don't like it, please feel free to contact me via email to send it to me. Pretty posters need Good Homes.

I think this article is absolutely terrific. Jones and Morrison are adorable and delicious when they mug for the camera. God, I wish they were coming to ECCC. Especially Morrison, thanks to this panel (if I could draw at all, I'd be more insistent about Jones, but me picking an artist's brain is about as productive as running up a down escalator). Anyone who is that frank and blunt about drug use in connection to their medium, discusses being a tranny and comes out on stage saying, "Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!" cements their awesomeness. He would be one of those writers that I would love to have lunch with. I'd probably be too nervous and choke to death on my sandwich, but I'm certain it'd be really cool up until the dying part.

I'm looking forward to Final Crisis and all these panels about it have definitely revved me up for the event (too many links there? Weigh in). I've heard rumors about a certain character dying and if they do, I'll be upset/in awe/impressed. Which is exactly how I want to feel during a big event.

Morrison made this comment somewhere in those links: "I don’t like killing a character. I much prefer to mess with them; death is too easy for these guys.” I agree with this approach to writing superheroes and it definitely reassures me about this event in general and having Morrison at the reins. Dying is too easy and terrible things happening to them, having them do terrible things for a greater good, et cetera, is yummier brain candy. I love all these characters best when they're truly suffering.

I'm not sure how I feel about Power Girl getting her own series, but I am going to reserve judgment until I actually see it. It's definitely a good sign that more women in the DCU are getting their own books, so long as this cover doesn't end up being subtitled: "Welcome to the warmest valley in the DCU!"

Jimmy Palmiotta said, "She is a very expressive character and being able to just draw a sexy well built woman is good for a pin-up, but this is a multi-layered character trying to make her way in the world and we wanted the right artist to be able to express in their visuals not only the obvious, but the inner workings as well. The character demands respect."

And that's all true. There's nothing wrong with having Super Boobs so long as that rack is accompanied by an awesome, well-written character.


Simone doing the Secret Six again is just fantastic and another great book to look forward to on Wednesdays. Simone said that "the Six are mostly about getting laid and getting paid." My response to this is the Dance of Joy. God, I love Simone, she's so hilarious and her brain definitely works on the same level as mine, so I know I can happily and comfortably look forward to this title. "There is a romance, and in typical Six fashion, it's non-vanilla and completely wrong." Yay!

Awesome.

Apparently at the DC Nation panel, there were promotional pins with Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake and Hush with the text, "I am Batman?". I very, very badly need these pins. Or at least Jason's. Anyone? Please? Will they be at the DC Nation panel for ECCC? Please?

Please?

While I'm definitely bummed about not being able to go to NYCC this year, I am plotting to attend next year. So I can stalk Morrison.

Dammit.

. . . I am SO CONFLICTED NOW. ::sob::

Also, am turning off the computer now. Four posts in one day = Too Much Time Spent Not Fiction Writing.

Oh Balls

It's Day Two and I think it's safe to start speculating as to the whereabouts of the kiddo's cat. Let's all have an: Oh balls moment, shall we, because if something actually happened I'm going to have to explain it to the boy and that will not be an event that goes very well.

This is one of those times I wish that I could board that Lie To Children For Prettier Picture Of Life Train. Alas, I'm an evil, honest parent.

If she doesn't turn up tonight I think it'll be safe to start the Serious Worry on up. She's sort of a bitchy cat (I know, something I own, bitchy? Gasp.) and I hope she didn't get herself into an unfortunate situation with a possum or something.

There is nothing a good geek won't argue

Geek fight! The super funny (aside from an Aquaman Fatality joke) starts halfway down the page in the comments, c/p'd for your convenience.

Richie says: Batman is my favorite superhero and this can be an awesome game.
But Fyreblazer disagrees: He's not a superhero (keyword: super). Neither is Iron Man. Me & my friends have had this discussion many a time.
Pather COUNTERS for Richie: Good for you and your friends. Meanwhile, Batman and Iron Man just saved the world a few times and held their own against Superman, the Hulk, the X-Men, etc. Just because they don't inherently have powers doesn't mean they're not superheroes.
Ooooh, BURN on Fyreblazer!! But he has a rebuttal ready: Batman always carries kryptonite with him to keep Superman in check. Iron Man's suit is stocked with all types of shit that he plans ahead for. The word superhero inherently means that they have super powers. Ok, I'll tuck my nerd back in now...lol.
Pather, with the aid of a dictionary, is ON it!: super: adverb (as modifier)
especially, particularly
hero: noun
a person, typically a man, who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities
Hey, thanks Oxford American Dictionary! Sexist part "typically a man" aside, seems like the roots of superhero can be applied to those without powers. And even if you want to claim that when you combine it into one word as "superhero" it does imply powers, the fact that Marvel and DC have trademarked the term "superhero" means they can use it on anyone they want at any time, including their very popular franchises Batman, Iron Man, hell, even Robin.
Andrew jumps in with a succinct, maybe case closing comment: Batman and Ironman are both super heros. A hero is a firefighter that saves some kid from a burning building. A super hero flies around in a fucking rocket suit and saves the world. Case closed.
But wait, it seems the case ISN'T closed because Aahatimy confuses his/herself: Just because they don't have any superpowers doesn't mean they aren't superheroes. I'd still say Ironman is easily a superhero because with the suit he gets superhuman abilities and I can see where you coming from with Batman but I'd say he abilities come more from his enemies fear of him. The fact thsat he doesn't have any superpowers also means he doesn't have any superweaknesses as seen many times he is digging the rest of the JLA out of shit. Anyway superpowers doesn't equal superhero.
I've just confused myself.
And Yourself finishes the whole debate off VERY succinctly, thus proving comic book readers are highly verbose and educated: To pather: Not really sexist. Hero is typically used for a man because heroine is almost always used to describe female "heroes". Unless you're reading Y, that is. As for the "what is a superhero" debate, I'd say a superhero is someone who devotes their life to being a hero (thus including Batman and Iron Man). And any numbnuts that reads modern comics knows that Iron Man does has super powers, so stfu.


I LOVE THE INTERNETS!!!

Meme! Youyou!

Evie tagged me for a meme and since she's always welcome to sit at my table, I'm ON it. (I'm such a grade schooler--very pleased I got picked. I was always LAST unless it was kickball, dammit) And I should just c/p her disclaimer for this because I'm right there with her so I will. Ha.

"Ok, I've only been reading comics for a few years, so I'm not the totally most qualified to find the perfect crossover or quirky nonsensical match-up. But here's what I got:"



What creators who are usually associated with a certain company (or, indeed, medium) would you like to see writing someone else’s title? For example, would you want to see JMS on Hellboy? Which DC character should Bendis have a crack at? Should George Pelecanos write Batman? (Answer: Yes)

Grant Morrison: Runaways. I think it'd be funny to give all the teenagers a big nonlinear storyline and watch them implode. Also, it'd be fascinating and he'd write a hysterical Molly. Though, if he permanently left DCU, I'd cry. We need him.


Steve Niles: X-Men. Wouldn't that be awesome? Spend a moment pondering the potential awesome of a Niles scripted argument between Wolverine and . . . anyone. And Batman, he could do some really excellent and fucked up--wait, wait! He IS. I'm being serious, I'm beyond excited for Batman: Gotham After Midnight--if you haven't read Simon Dark, Creeper, 30 Days of Night, please do.

Brian Lynch: I'd like to see him write Jason Todd (silence haters!!)--he does Spike beautifully and I'd love to see where he'd go with our back-from-the-dead bat boy. I think he'd actually get the right voice/stable personality (okay, stable-ISH) for him, unlike certain Countdown writers.

Simone: Evie said her writing Guy Gardner and I think that'd be hysterical, and she also said X-Men and I'm totally up for that. Emma really would stop for a moment and sweater grab.

Winick: I think he'd do very, very well on Young Avengers. Seriously, he could totally redeem himself for Titans #1 and make it an awesomely fun read.

I'd prefer it if Bendis kept his paws off DCU, actually. Lex might run around telling Wonder Woman to shut her cow mouth or threaten to stop her whore's heart and then Gail would get cranky and you wouldn't like her when she's cranky.



I think that's good. And again agreeing with Evie, I'm wandering around with MY lunch tray hoping to tag people that'll not mind . Lesse . . . Elwood, Qtilla, Kyle and FerretNick. Though everyone else doing it would be righteously awesome. (Cha.)

I'm Going To Hell

I think I might be a terrible person for a) finding this funny and b) only really feeling sorry for the landlord.

(I give convicted sex offenders no sympathy love. Me = Failure in the first of the Four Noble Truths)

It's Road Reasonableness, Not Rage

Dear Toyota Sequoia Owner heading west on 167 via the carpool lane,

Hi, I'm that bitch in the white Honda that was riding your ass today! Since you apparently don't know the International Driving Hand Signals for "Speed the fuck up or get out of the way, you stupid cow", I thought I'd attempt to educate you via the interwebs! Fate is a tricky bitch like that and you might just run into this!

I hope you really enjoyed your 55 mph drive in the carpool lane during rush hour. I could see your children were enjoying a terrific episode of SpongeBob SquarePants and it was also clear you were enjoying your cell phone call! Me and the seventeen cars stacked up behind you, however, weren't having very much fun at all! You see, we sludge through traffic all evening in an eager attempt to get home on time so we can get things done/relax/spend time with family/clean/sleep/drink ourselves into stupors/etc. So when we finally get to highways that have HOV lanes, we all get very, very excited! HOV! Freedom! Liberty! The ability to MOCK OTHER VEHICLES AS WE PASS THEM GOING 65+!!!!

You stole that from me and at least seventeen other poor souls this evening, Dear Obnoxious Soccer Mom. You are one of those people that add to the soul-crushing power of a day and I hope your pretty hubcaps fall off.

So please get off your goddamned cell and get OUT of the fucking carpool lane unless you're willing to go over 65 mph. Also please note: when someone flashes their lights, lays on their horn, flips you off, waves frantically or is looking VERY VERY ANGRY, you should also probably get the fuck out of the lane.


No Love,

That Bitch In The Honda


P.S. Tell your friends!!

Good Lord

. . . it's sunny down here today. And warm. So I was in the backyard with my spawn and while I was there, I noticed something very, very strange. The grass is actually green again. And rather long. I think . . . I think I need to mow. Which brings up a very, very important question for all of you.

Does anyone have or know of a good, cheap lawnmower I could buy? Or take home for free?

I don't want to be that neighbor in my new neighborhood with the long, unkempt grass that looks as if it's attempting to take over the fence.



Also: I am going back outside to play. Sun! A mess being made somewhere OTHER than my living room! Both very good things!

Titans #1 Review

Titans gets its very own post for a few reasons:

1) I have an annoying ear infection and am subsequently brain-tired
2) This is one of three books I've really been looking forward to
3) I talk too much
4-10) Feeling lazy this afternoon


On an upside, I figured out how to do jumps for the post. You could do it too!

Spoilers await, just a warning.

Disclaimer: Palindrome does not in any way, shape or form support or encourage the reading of this comic book.

So I read it while I was at The Stop and as soon as I was done, I felt immensely disappointed but couldn't put my finger on why. Part of that was the Percocet, really. I commented to PalinDrome about this and he pointed out that my disappointment in Trigon being the Villain Reveal! shouldn't exist, because it's a nice full circle touch for bringing them all back together again. I agreed to the point, but still didn't have any concrete reasons , so I wandered away from The Stop in a thoughtful little haze. Lunch was nibbled on during the reread and I very nearly drove BACK to The Stop after figuring out why I'm so disappointed.

But I didn't because that would've been really really silly.

Normally I don't critique art. I can't draw and appreciate it on a very plebeian level. It wasn't as terrible as I've been reading about, but it definitely wasn't something that made me stop and peer at the panels in happy awe. Maybe terrified awe, because I have my suspicions that every one of the seven got violated by the Tentacle/Long Tongue/Whatever creatures that attacked them.

Cyborg, at the very least, definitely got rode hard and put away wet.

So okay, the art wasn't the best but I did get fanservice naked members, which is always a pleasant thing. Let's just ignore Starfire's Horrifying Lack Of Nipples and the fact that no high school girl had that rack and how Raven looks like a Suicide Girl and for some strange reason Dick and Roy were the only ones left clothed (not that I'm bitter or pathetic).

I'm going to go through this whole damn book and complain about it. It'll likely be only interesting to people who think I'm amusing. If you don't, navigate away to something awesome.

The opening scene with Dick was superfluous and confusing. This'll be my complaint from here on out with every character that was written here, but Winick took too long to establish what was going on and then abruptly had them getting attacked and just as abruptly took the camera off them. I understand what he was trying to do, I think, but the execution of his method was bad. Something an editor really, really should've flagged.

To move from there straight into Naked Starfire Sunning Herself was jarring and I feel the distraction of her nudity was used to compensate for two useless pages of panels that really explained nothing beyond a) where she was and why, b) she likes being naked because she doesn't have those American Morals and c) She can still give every hetero male a boner.

It felt like Winick had no clue where he was specifically going for the first eight pages, just knew he wanted to introduce the Current Affairs of Dick and Kory and used filler nonsense to do it. I'm really tired of writers pandering to people who've never read these characters before and making long-time readers suffer because of it. If you're worth your salt as a writer you can juggle both successfully. Winick dropped two of the three balls here. Oh, and hey, btw, there aren't a lot of New Readers that don't know what the fuck Wikipedia is. Just so everyone knows.

Raven's scene was a little more interesting, I suppose, because I haven't read the Emo Art Crack that is her title and had no idea what she was up to. Winick only spends two pages on her, half of which lets The Gentle Reader know that--surprise surprise--Raven isn't playing well with Other Bitches. And then she gets assaulted by a hideous Bovine Hellbeast.

Then enter Roy. I love Roy. LOVE Roy. I love his conversation with Lian, because I have had that very conversation with my eldest (substitute "Moo" for "Skootch"). It was a nice, establishing little exchange there. And then . . . apparently stone spikes are popping from the ground? And there's supposed to be feelings of peril and worry for Roy, I know there is, but tension really didn't get established. At all. Winick spends a page on this total and the whole page ends up being a total flop. After Nightwing and the Bondage Special Team, Starfire and the Super Teethy Fish Monster and Raven with her Bovine Hellbeast, stone spikes fall in at a far less-worrying fourth. Or eighth.

Just a note, Winick, next time, upgrade to something scarier than a Bovine Hellbeast.

Okay. Gar! Gar has to be more interesting! Has to be! It can't just be six hugely empty panels with a serious lack of words depicting not much on the first two pages. That'd be silly. That'd be bad writing and--oh, hey, wait. That's exactly what happened.

Another note, Winick, next time give Roy a second page and stop stalling panels because there isn't anything interesting going on yet.

I'm not going to touch on the obvious Donna and Kyle and Tentacles jokes that are milling around. How about you take a minute and make them for yourself.

. . . .

Good show! These two pages were useless and I still have no idea what the crap is going on, why it's going on or WHEN this is going on. (Basically, the comic book is reading a lot like this post of mine).

But never mind that, onto Wally! Who has to be more interesting, because all those INTERESTING things are happening in The Flash with his cash situation and his kids and wife and . . . oh. Hm. Shower scene. I'm okay with that.

. . . wait--wait, really? That's it? He's talking and then Evil Soap Scum slinks up his nicely defined calves from the shower drain to molest him?

Well hey, Wally, at least it wasn't stone spikes.

And then we're given, for some odd reason, the current(sort of) Teen Titans. Uhm? WTF? Seriously, this annoys the shit out of me: Supergirl is gone, Red Devil is off getting flayed and this is just . . . annoying. Instead of showing the current Teen Titans, Winick, I really wish you had shown some of the OTHER Former/Whatever Titans that were supposed to be in peril. Or spent these really boring three pages split between Roy and Raven. Or someone else and Raven. The writing was, again, weak and filler.

I know this is a Part Two, but Part One did happen months ago and this whole three page interjection of the current(sort of) Teen Titans just annoyed me because it felt really, really useless. And yet again there was no tension or concern.

And then there's Batman and his SUPER DUPER LONG CAPE. So we go BACK to Nightwing, watch him fight and talk for a few pages and then Batman takes two pages to tell him that all of his former teammates are in danger.

Problem: A whole page is spent on Batman standing there with a Bondage Criminal tied up (Ha! Hoisted by your own petard, sir). A WHOLE PAGE. And then it takes FOUR PANELS on the next page for Batman to tell Nightwing that "something's happened".

The writing on this is so filler it makes me want to cry. SO FILLER. SO VERY VERY FILLER.

Long story short, That Guy That Went Psycho On Supergirl is dead, Cyborg is half a man in a jar, a bunch of other people that we didn't get to see are injured and THEN there's what I think Winick and Churchill think is the Money Shot.

The second to last page, close-up shots on all our heroes faces as they sort out who might be behind all this nefarious, off-panel-likely-terrifying action without letting us know how they managed to get themselves to this point. At this point I am so tired of empty, huge panels that I am not excited at all by the dramarama. And then the last two-page reveal of TRIGON!! Mwahaha!

They all look over-dramatic, Dick looks like he's asking someone if there's something in his teeth, Kory looks stoned, Donna looks idiotic (which is running on par with her appearances in Countdown), Gar looks like he's doing an impression of the thinking man, Flash might be wondering if he should check on his wife and kids since he was ATTACKED IN HIS OWN HOUSE and Roy looks like he's having Private Time with his bow.

Good god.

This issue should've been kick-ass. It should've been AWESOME and exciting and every damn page should've been SLAMMED with excellent. It wasn't. Instead, the writing was weak and mostly filler, the panels were empty and I'm pretty sure women have nipples (or Janet Jackson and I are just freaks), and it was all just so anti-climactic and confusing.

Seriously confusing. Like: when did they even fit the costume change in?

I'm disappointed. Obviously. I'll pick up #2 because I'm a sucker and I'm hoping that maybe, maybe this is just off to a rocky start and Winick can do a better job with the next script. (Hint: Have stuff actually happen in a quick way while slipping character interplay between it!)

Very Quickly

I'm at the shop alone today and so far I have been informed three times that I am a girl.


. . . thank you, Comic Book Super Nerds.

I thought I could

A pretty decent weekend was had, my Jade came over for the big chunk of it and I strong-armed her into watching Jekyll and we also watched a nice chunk of Californication, which was excellent. Growing up I had a rather large crush on Mulder and now I have a super-crush on Moody. The series itself is highly entertaining as well.

Also, in the last episode of the first season (are there more than one out yet?) we get to see Moody all dressed up in a black suit which fulfilled my Mulder yearnings without needing to break out any X-Files DVDs.

Battlestar Galactica blew my brain to itty mushy bits, which was highly appreciated after waiting over a year for it. I haven't seen the Razor bits yet, which I definitely need to get around to doing.

My spawn are still leaking. Help.

I think it needs to be spring now because the rain is even starting to get to me.

I talked to my father on the phone for over an hour twice this weekend. Not only is this a world record, but it makes me think about things I've decided I'm too old to think about anymore. I love him too much and I think he's the only person on the face of this planet that I've ever actually forgiven for anything. Me=Daddy's Girl. Well, when he was around, I was. Am. Whichever.

There's nothing like getting half-drunk in a house full of friends. Okay, so I only have a handful of friends, but it's still fun to get drunk. And play magic. And watch horror movies. And bitch at each other about each other.

I am not a priss just because I have table manners.

I am tired of reading books and knowing that I write insanely better than that and could get published if I could just convince myself to haul a manuscript completely together. Or find the time.

Note to self: Find the time, you're too old to have success issues.

Julie Benz is coming to the ECCC which is awesome because now the guys won't be able to make fun of us female for drooling/fighting over Jamie Bamber and Adam Baldwin. Although apparently most of the other women are highly focused on Bamber. Which is perfect for me because Adam Baldwin makes my brain a little mushy.

I, like Elwood, will behave like a mature professional and will not lick his arms. I will, however, ask him VERY NICELY to sign the Full Metal Jacket DVD for my husband and look very, very, very pretty while doing it. Just in case he wants to sweep me away.

Comics Rundown: Spoilers ahoy.

Hm. Today was a good day--I had an hour of productive writing time this morning before everyone else got up and it was time to start the drive up north, the shop was its usual awesome fun (even if somebody kept gossiping all morning) and my drive home didn't completely suck. Read: I didn't yell obscure science fiction references from the car. Good times!

The spawn are still leaking from their noses, but the elder one is spending the night with my moms, so I suppose I can survive the tiny one.


There are spoilers here, so you might wanna wait if you're a purist.

Below I make a silly error because I started writing about Batman, got distracted and then switched midline and got all confused. Dini writes this. Theoretically I know this. I'm leaving the mistake up to punish my inner editor.

Spankings ahoy.

Detective Comics #843: It's beyond official--I'm a Morrison whore. Some people don't like him--this may be close to a Bendis Effect where you either love him or hate him--because of the sometimes obscurity/over the head/whateverness. Personally, I adore him and would contentedly sharpen all his pencils for the rest of my life (this would be more effective a statement if most people understood my deep loathing for all things pencils, so here: I'm left-handed and they smudge. ALL THROUGH GRADE SCHOOL!). Anyway, I really dug this issue, Batman is sharp and a smart ass and clever and Zatanna is smoking hot. Zatanna is smoking hot. Am I the only one that desperately wants the blond to get killed so that he and Zatanna hook up? She hit on Batman, people, without being all KittyMeow about it! I friggin' love it. She's there and wearing a top hat. Hawt.


Countdown #4: Today I had a conversation with a customer about buying Countdown that completely summed this and every other issue up: Countdown is the quintessential abusive relationship. Every week I go back to it after spending the previous seven days swearing up and down I'm done with it for good and every week I get beat up by bad art, worse writing and the most bug-fucked plot anyone's seen in years. Honestly, I have no idea what's really going on. Jason threw a tantrum, ripped off his cowl and stormed off. Then he stole snazzy (um, not so much Jason, please steal a GQ next time) outfit from a department store and ran off with the Hot Evil Villainettes--one of whom will be paying for his bus fare. Crap, did I use whom wrong there?

Mary sulks, flies off, sulks and insists she needs 'Me Time' while wandering around her apartment in something frumpy, Darkseid holds up an Evil Glowing Blueberry and she goes all evils again.

Jimmy complains and asks, "What're we gonna do about me?"

Donna asks "What're we gonna do about Jimmy?"

Atom angsts, askes "What're we gonna do Jimmy?" and thinks.

Kyle looks hot, so he's forgiven. I'm not shallow, shut up.

Mary attacks them after they get to their destination, talks shit, beats people up, gets hit by a car, then takes Jimmy and flies off.

Yeah. I'm going to say I'm not reading it next week. Then next Wednesday night I'll have bruises again.

God DAMN them.

Buffy #13: Xander, I love you. I love you so, so much. I love the banter, I love the implications, I love Xander and Dracula sickly and yes, god yes, I love Drew Goddard. This issue made me just as happy as 12 did.

Willow is still adorable, perverted and nosy and everyone else was good too.

But seriously: Xander and Dracula and poor, poor Renee. I freaking LOVE sulky Dracula and again: their banter, their banter is so goddamn great. I'm going to cuddle with this issue tonight.

Angel #6: I really could just copy and paste what I said about #5 for this one, but I'll be nice. Lynch has such a great voice for the characters and Urru screws it all up by being a horrible, horrible artist. Look, I didn't need to copy and paste! Woot!

Really, though, I forgot (and I'm not sure HOW) how much I love Lynch's Spike. He's got him down like gangbusters--funny and arrogant and irreverent but so, so meaningful beneath the rest. And now that he's spent proper time on Connor, I have to say the same thing. I like the way he went into Connor's past--though for those that haven't seen Angel seasons 1-4, it's a little too vague and he could've spent an extra page on what was going on regarding him. It came out a little shallow because of that--and I mean shallow as in not affecting. I have the advantage of four years, though, so I really enjoyed his section and thought it was well-done.

Lorne . . . made me laugh. It could've been a little more melodic and song-like, but it was done pretty well and again, made me laugh. I love Lorne.

The issue explored some really interesting ideas and I'm enjoying where Lynch and Whedon are heading with this.

"So. Right then. In Hell."

FUCK, I love Spike and am all the more excited about the upcoming mini.

Kick-Ass #2: It's still excellent. It's vicious and hard and way more touching than I thought it would be. I really like Kick-Ass the character, he's sweet and idiotic and noble and terrified which is exactly what a first real-world superhero should be. I also really like Millar's use of words, the embarrassing 'homies' white-boy use, the excessive teen swearing, the street slang and still managing to pack an emotional punch. Millar and JRJ make a great writer-artist team, too, you can tell how much they live on the same wavelength here. The fight scenes are excellent and gory and also funny as hell, which is hard to pull off and still be upsetting.

I'm really excited about this character and I really want to see where he goes from here. The pace is a little slow for me, but that's just preference and not really a formally lodged complaint.

"The beast was friggin' in me, man"


Nightwing #143: Tomasi was born to write Nightwing. Seriously. I'm back in love with this series and I no longer feel dirty every time I hit the last page. One of the best things is Tomasi remembering that Dick reaches out to the rest of the superhero community. He loves them and they love him, they know him. Cameo appearance by Sir Hotness Arsenal was much appreciated as well. Robin and Nightwing make the most adorable pseudo-brother team and I laughed way, way too hard at the last page. GOD, you stupid boys, please never stop being great.

"How far out do you think we parked it?"

The Shame of Spoiler

I had a really excellent weekend chock-full of friends, making new maybe-friends--me, I know, it's so rare--and discovering that Fatburger is a frighteningly delicious place. I still cannot read the advertising for it, because I am in denial about my horrible eating habits. But it was really nice and I was vigorously reminded that I really should be getting out a bit more. And am regretting the snow which forced me to go home and miss out on New Home Viewing and movie-watching. And I need new shoes, because I am apparently wearing Mom Shoes.

Dammit.

In a nice, unified (aw, they're getting along) revenge strike against me having a social life and abandoning them to the devices of their father for several hours, both my spawn have runny noses. This is gross and anyone who thinks mothers are naturally immune to the disgusting attributes of their own children are wrong. Last night at the especially gorgeous hour of four in the morning I found myself surrounded by snot-sniffling, snoring, too-hot humans. What's more confusing is that this year, we've all gotten sick not once, not twice, but now three times. I'm not actually sick. I've apparently been the Lucky One this year (read: I will be coming down with some horrible disease soon that I can only hope will end me up in the hospital where I will get catering and a turn-down service). But everyone else has been getting sick and I am now almost convinced our new house is a Disease Monger and I am now having badly-plotted yet vividly paranoid fantasies about it killing us slowly.

Sometimes being a writer isn't the best thing.

Onwards to what actually pertains to the title of this entry.

I absolutely one hundred percent loathe the fact that Stephanie Brown might be alive. Loathe. From the bottom of my vicious, razor-edged soul do I loathe this. Unless I see a editorial/creator/whatever note someone can prove is from the time she died stating that they were planning to bring her back all along, this has clearly been done to appease the female masses over her hideously-crafted death because of all the angry Memorial Now! buzz and other nonsense. The worst part? The absolute worst and most embarrassing part of this horrible little gesture to make the cranky girls feel better?

PEOPLE ARE ACTUALLY FALLING FOR IT!

What the SHIT, women?! Seriously?! This is like believing a half-drunk, uber-horny date when he says he'll stop WHENEVER YOU SAY SO! Jesus CHRIST on a pogo stick, where's the common sense?

Gee, thanks DC for bringing back Tim's dead girlfriend that he hasn't shut up about in years. Thanks so much for not bothering to make a believably stable teen female superhero, hey, don't fix the fact that Supergirl is an idiotic, time-traveling TWIT and Wonder Girl is a selfish, whiny asshat. Don't worry about Ravager's on-again-off-again characterization that makes her look like Super Bitch or Super Whore. And hey, seriously, don't worry about not putting Mia anywhere she can properly shine by herself. We totally understand that Stephanie Goddamn Brown was a way more important a factor to deal with. And I'm totally cool with M'Gann's future self having control of her, because as clearly demonstrated with all the other female teen heroines, they are so susceptible to mind control/invasion! Woot! (I'd complain about Batgirl, but that'd take forever).

Personally, I am so thrilled to see what Steph's gonna be like! Oh, hey, can she be under the manipulative control of Penguin? I totally haven't gotten tired of the teenage girls being controlled by men--and am also sorely disappointed that both Ravager and Batgirl got off Slade's Evil Man Juice so soon! Darn! That was so gripping. I was really looking forward to more of those plot points.

And oh, hey, I think I just threw up a little in my mouth! Whee!!

Assholes.

And shame on you, fellow breasts-havers, for being appeased by this sleight of hand magickery*. It's perfectly okay to be excited about the return of a character--personally, anything that makes Tim miserable makes me happy, because I'm twisted--but please, please do not congratulate DC on anything.

Also, don't let a guy bring you a drink from a bar.







*like trickery, but more Marvel-y.