I'm a walking sitcom

Pirate Strip

Of course I'm hilarious, even in utter defeat.

Note: I wish I could draw. My stick figures usually don't even look like stick figures and considering I a) am actually a very visual person and b) want to work in a visual medium, this goes badly for me. Not like artists are rare or whatnot, but I'd love to be a One Chick Band.

Unfortunately, I'm trapped with only mere words.


WTF Weather

I got snow. A LOT of snow, actually, as I am down in Puyallup. Wonderfully enough the snow actually started on my drive home last night which made the ever-fantastic 167 just that much better to navigate.

Two things always happen when it snows while I drive: I always get paranoid about the snow flakes zooming towards my windshield, because one day, there will be that one smart ass ninja snowflake packing a rock. Also I inevitably start cracking jokes about entering hyperspace that are only funny to me (because I am the only one in the car, usually, and yes I talk to myself) and giggle maniacally while onlooking drivers merely begin to look more and more concerned. If the traffic is bad enough, like it was last night, I just roll down the window and yell, "There is no traffic in hyperspace!"

Yes, yes I did. Thank you. 'Cause traffic isn't traffic unless there's a crazy woman yelling.

Anyway! Onwards! Et Cetera!

Angel: After the Fall is an excellent example of how excellent writing (thank you Brian Lynch) can be easily ruined by horrible art (thank you, Urru). Can they please get someone else yet? The art, of which the faces of characters are barely distinguishable from one another, is heading into the strongly distracting zone and I am getting tired of guess-working by clothing and/or dialogue.

Transhuman is an excellent example of how I need to be in a certain mood to read certain comics, as I spent five minutes wading through two pages and then gave up for Green Lantern which was absolutely great. I did enjoy the five minutes though and when my attention span jumps out of that of a four year-olds, I am so on it.

Teen Titans wasn't completely horrible this month, though there was a lot of Rose Fan Service of which I am still on the fence about. Last issue everyone was drastically OOC in order to pump up Kid Devil's Emo (even though it didn't to go that way and Rose and Tim didn't need to act like snatches to get our little red devil's point across, thanks McKeever for writing the equivalent of a fourteen year-old girl's fanfiction Mary Sue). This issue we got to see Kid Devil splayed and bloody and very clearly abused, which made me feel much better about having to endure his teenage obnoxiousness from last month. And we got to see Rose being all super bad ass, which was nice if not completely random considering McKeever's "Girls Are Evil" characterization of her from the last two or three issues. Unfortunately we had to endure through (yes, we) more of Tim and Cassie's issues (wherein she thinks everything's about her and Tim longs to clone Not-My-Boyfriend-Honest Connor).

Though, again, not completely horrible. Just slightly and an improvement on last month.

. . . clearly, my standards have been lowered. I think I'm going to go read something smart now.


. . . really?

Okay, here be Buffy Issue 12 Spoilers! Um . . . Yarr! (it seemed fitting and I've got a Pirates obsession going on right now. Something, btw, that could make a perfect segue into Buffy if I was into segues!) But I'm not. Though seriously, if you haven't read 12 by now, you probably don't care--but may still consider yourself warned.

Okay! Anyhow.

I'm seriously surprised that anyone who has been reading Buffy is shocked by her getting groiny with Satsu. Seriously, do those people even pay attention to Whedonverse? It isn't a push for attention from Goddard, it isn't shock value, it isn't . . . anything other than "Whoo! Buffy got laid!" Longtime Buffy fans may understand my exasperation with the fact that the whole damn world STOPS every time Buffy gets some. Enough, people!

No friggin' kidding she shacked up with a slayer who's got the hots for her. What a surprise! Wow! Except not really at all, but okay.

But really, let me express my absolute disgust at everyone's stupid fixation and how they missed the best thing about this whole Issue. Let me express it in a letter:

Dear Drew Goddard,

I think I love you. I know I missed you. Terribly, actually, and I'd like to personally thank you for giving me one of the funniest Post Sex Bedtime scenes ever and paying Xander some awesome, awesome One Eye Joke service. I'd offer to have your babies except I think my husband would get tetchy. BTW: Cloverfield was absolutely terrific, it took me right back to being a little girl and watching King Kong with my grandfather and being thrilled to bits over it, which really is one of my favorite childhood memories. Also, yelling "Run, GODDAMMIT, RUN! If the RATS are RUNNING PAST YOU, that means SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES!!!" is always a good time in my house.

Again, though, I missed you. Terribly. I'd also like to take this moment to request that you please don't forget to officially out Andrew and take a few panels(pageswhatever) to emphasize his awesomeness.

Possibly Love,


There. See, people? The important thing for Buffy 12 wasn't obsessing about Buffy getting all hip-to-hip and walking through the wilderness, it was DREW DAMN GODDARD being fantastic and writing. PAY ATTENTION!!! Christ! All this "oh noes, Buffy's a lesbos?!" nonsense is ridiculous. That's not what matters and Whedon doesn't even want it to matter. It's another ingredient in the Buffy Cookie Dough, so eat it or just shut up and watch it bake, dammit.


Tortoro Sure Isn't My Neighbor . . .

If I have to watch/hear this movie one more time, I may go a little bats. My X-Spawn has watched it possibly twenty times since he got it from Auntie a few days ago. He can now quote nearly the whole movie, which always amazes/terrifies/impresses me. While I know that this is just part of the way his brain works out information and processes it, I still need to grab a swizzle stick and shove it in my ears for a while. I wait, with baited breath, for No More TV Time at noon.

Meanwhile, E-Spawn is mastering the Art of the Crawl and being the best little Carpet Commando she can be. Which really only means I'm getting up every three to five minutes to fetch her out of something she shouldn't attempt to consume (Legos, Play-Doh, Levi the Cat . . .). This isn't really the best development for my creative process and I'd also really like to know how I could actually forget about this stage. Oh well, there's always . . . her learning how to walk . . . and talk . . . and me never having a moment's silence again.

Tch. Silence is way overrated.

I won't slap up the Iron Man awesomeness, but I will go back to petting my computer screen and rewatching the trailer a few(dozen) more times.


Joe Quesada is an Idiot

I've been waiting for a while for that First Post Inspiration to strike me, and as you can see by the title, it's struck.

Let me just say right now I'm not a big Marvel fan--there's the X-Men, depending on who's writing them, and that's pretty much it. But I do know the generalities of everything that's going on (Captain America is still dead and all the plot evils are either Skrulls or magic). So I also know the whole Brand New Day mess that Joe Q put together and I've been following his interviews where he defends/explains it.

Here's my disclaimer: I clearly know nothing about Joe Q's marriage, but I am going to build some natural assumptions based off how he's treated the institution via comics and what he's said in interviews.

During panel questions at Mega Con, as reported by Newsarama, Joe Q. said this: “My wife is okay with me saying this now — but my life before I was married was much more interesting than after I got married,” adding, “I didn’t have the stability that marriage provides — and that kind of stability can lessen the options of writers when engaging Peter Parker/ Spider-Man in his life and adventures. Spider-Man is much more interesting when the chance for more stories that create more conflicts can be achieved.”

. . . this is more ridiculous than a bag full of high weasels. So let's address it!

Joe Quesada, you're an idiot of the highest level. If your marriage is that uninteresting and therefore boring, I think you need to either get a divorce, introduce kinkier, crazy sex (see: swinging) and date nights or seek a marriage therapist. I remember being single, all footloose and fancy free, and it was an insane amount of fun. As is marriage in a completely different way and for completely different reasons. Astonishingly, you jackass, married couples still have a lot of fun--both together as a unit and seperate as their own people. As adults mature, which is a fact I assume you've heard about at some point in your life, they change and want different things. Stability, Joe Q., is not a death sentence. It is a different mode of living and it does not mean that things have to get boring, it really only means that you know who you're boning that night. Astonishing! Amazing! That's so UNCANNY!

(pardon that, I couldn't resist)

That is the worst excuse given for bad writing I have ever read and if the Marvel writing staff honestly cannot think of interesting things to do for a married man who is a superhero during such a volatile (theoretically) time in that 'verse, they all need to resign. Posthaste.

This, people, is what is wrong with the goddamn industry. While Joe Quesada and Company are busy living vicariously through Marvel's heroes because their marriages are terrifically uninteresting, they are slaughtering characterization to suit their needs, excusing shoddy writing for the sake of gaining/keeping/whatever a wide fanbase and yet again lowering the writing bar in the industry.

Yes, kids, you too could grow up and write comic books and if things get too hard or too difficult, just magic/Skrull/Superboy Prime punch/whatever it away! There's no reason to stick to any guns here, there's no reason to do a job that you've been hired to do and be an original, creative force! Pshaw! That's so ridiculous! Just magic it away, ignore the annoyed (and clearly idiotic) fans that resent mischaracterization and foolishly expect people/characters to behave like themselves in situations and START OVER! Fabulous! Because what you're doing here, what you're really doing when you work in the comic book industry, is keeping a wide fanbase (this means money, kids!!) and living vicariously through your writing due to your boring marriage. Good luck!

I have to move on from what he said about the marriage before I blow a gasket.

"If we keep Spidey rejuvenated and relatable to fans on the horizon, we can manage to do that and still keep him enjoyable to those that have been following his adventures for years. . . . At the end of the day, my job is to keep these characters fresh and ready for every fan that walks through the door, while also planning for the future and hopefully an even larger fan base." --Joe Q in a CBR interview.

. . . *headdesk* See. Okay. I understand this--I really do. It even almost makes sense if you take away ALL of his other comments on this issue and how horrendously and messily executed this storyline was. I understand the desire to keep a character fresh. I also understand keeping characters relatable. I agree with these desires and wants, it's one of the ways writing gets sold, it's how characters become popular and interesting. We don't run around in silly outfits saving the day, naturally, but we want to relate to the people who do.

Joe Quesada was almost not wrong here. Except for how he really, really was. If there is a question about a character not being relatable anymore to new, incoming fans (which there was), then what needs to occur--instead of MAGIC and pithy reasoning--is, drum roll please, THE INTRODUCTION OF A NEW CHARACTER.

Amazing! Astonishing! UN-FRIGGIN'-CANNY!!

Listen up, brain trust, when a decision is made to 'settle down' a character via marriage, I think that you are stuck with it. Now this isn't to say something better than magic could've occured to dissolve the marriage--I'd wager that's something a talented writing team and a smart editor could've come up with--but plenty of interesting things could've gone on. Marriage isn't a death sentence and personally, I don't appreciate that message being broadcast, thanks so much. I also think that instead of bitching out and magicking something away, a brand new character could've been introduced. Someone those young, happenin', non-boring kids could relate to!!

And damn, look at how I didn't get off the Marriage Isn't Boring train.

Really though, instead of screwing over an old character, why can't a creative team muster enough creativity to introduce someone new and fun and excellent for all those incoming wallets--er, I mean fans--to satisfy Joe Q.? How come Spiderman being thirty (right?) and living in Auntie's attic is more awesome than, oh, him actually having something to LOSE? Also, I better be hearing about Mr. Parker/Spidey living the ultimate, swinging bachelor lifestyle.

This isn't an I Hate Marvel post either--uncreativity is cycling through both DC and Marvel. Lowering the bar to make things easier for writers isn't okay. It shouldn't even be an option. Introducing old ideas/villains isn't the worst thing ever, but consistently falling back on what seems easiest is a cop-out and does a disservice to the standards of this industry.

Joe Q. isn't just an idiot for all the reasons I said above, he's also one because he clearly doesn't understand that when you are Editor-in-Chief of a powerhouse publication, you should keep raising the bar for whoever is going to come after you, not leave a big mess and low standards to follow up on.

I guess none of this is important in the face of what appears to be the easier path--why would someone in Marvel go through all the trouble of creating a new, dynamic character? That's what the independent comic books are doing, after all! And golly, who reads those?

I think I'm spent.