So, up here in Washington State we have the ever-lovely I-405. Which I've happened to noticed, during the exceptional morning and afternoon traffic, has no Exit 8. There's 7 and 9, but no 8 to be found anywhere.
My first thought shouldn't have been, "But what did seven eat?!"
Other things I thought while driving this morning, that perhaps I shouldn't have, was, "Hm. I wonder if I'm too tired to drive?"
Stellar news, everyone: No, I was not too tired to drive. I do, however, look quite tired today and will likely startle a few customers because I don't trust myself not to stab myself in the eye with my eyeliner. Thank you, my delicate little Lyn Hippo, for enjoying only three hours of sleep with me. I hope your morning nap is lovely.
And finally:
Dear Comic Book Geek Boys,
Hi. I'm a girl. As evidenced by my breasts and my lack of an Adam's apple. Yes, I read comic books. Yes, I play Magic. And enjoy other, non-Star Wars, geeky things. No, this is not an invitation to spend an hour discussing your all-red burn deck with me. Nor is it an invitation to ask me if I'll be wearing a costume this Halloween (yes, by the way, I will. I've decided to go as Death-the cliche, not Endless-and will carry an authentic scythe. Enjoy, boys!).
If you would like a girl to like you (or at least not call Security on you), let me help you out with a few friendly pointers.
1) Arguing about who is the coolest Flash is not necessarily flirting-it is definitely not flirting when you start gesturing wildly and screeching, "BARRY! HOW COULD IT BE GODDAMN BART?! WHAT, DO YOU WRITE FANFICTION?!?!". Guess what? That's not sexy.
2) Asking her if she reads 'that Spider-Girl book' because she's a girl isn't showing interest, it's showing you're an ass.
3) Walking into a comic book store and making a derogatory comment with the expectation that it's a male you think you're better than, realizing it's a pretty girl and acting like it was a joke isn't just stupid, it makes me want to kick your teeth in. (Pssst, my proud male geek friends are totally better than you, just so you know)
4) Asking if the guys have me working here because I'm a girl is annoying. And only half-true.
5) If the girl behind the counter is wearing a wedding ring and discussing her two children, she's probably not going to be wooed by your ten minute discussion of different kinds of proton phasers and probably will NOT be running away with you.
6) If you expect to woo a girl, please don't fart in the back of the store. Just a tip. Also? Shower.
7) Trapping her on the phone so you can stroke your ego by discussing what old comic books you own and how much they're worth isn't impressive. What's impressive is bringing one of those old comic books as a tip on Wednesday. By the way, this will not make her run away with you. You would, however, get a discount. This also applies to discussing different Star Trek communicators (discount not applicable).
8) When attempting to engage a female in conversation, don't insult the books she has in her arms. (yes, I have seen this happen. Three times.)
9) Just stop floundering after her and ask for her damned number. Don't try to be funny and ask how much mana you'll need for the date or tell her you'd like to go out on Stardate 14256.5--I mean it.
10) Again: when engaging a female in a comic book store, do NOT insult the books she is carrying. Even if it is Ghost Whisperer.
Good luck and please stop hitting on me.
Thanks,
Friday
8.7.08
Stupid Things I Think About
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18 comments:
From your account, it seems like the store is over-run by Trekkies (or Trekkers, or whatever the term is for Star Trek fans who don't get laid)
Ahahahaha. Trekkers.
I'd think so--but I usually don't get the Star Wars jokes or remember them to reference. I've broken plenty of hearts over asking what a Darth Maul is when they come looking for one in the Star Wars Hero Clix.
As you should.
Watching Friday break hearts and take names would make for good reality television. Especially when she goes all Randy Couture on them.
For some reason, I like to think of the scene in High Fidelity where Dick and Barry attack Tim Robbins with the phone when I think of Friday taking down geeks.
Also, exits are numbered based on the mile marker of the road they are on. There is no exit at the 8 Mile marker on 405.
But you probably knew that.
@E: I knew that, but wanted it to remain a mystery/conspiracy.
@E: . . . shit.
HAHAHAHAHA
Sometimes I am happy to work with middle aged women.
Yay!
Also a "Stardate 14256.5"? Genius.
Can you get state recognized volunteer hours?
It's almost a PUBLIC SERVICE that you seem to provide.
Citizens of Washington thank you for keeping our Geek Boys's social behaviors in line...
"THE MORE YOU KNOW....ZING!"
@WJ: The reality tv comment will be found hysterical after someone picks up my comic book.
Based off my reality TV loathing.
. . . can I attack people with the phone? If so, can I have an old rotary phone?
@Q: I am so jealous. And I thought the Stardate pick-up line idea was hilarious too--a little romance by the replicator.
@K: It is a public service and you're WELCOME. Someone has to take one for the team and . . . well, Q works with middle-aged women.
Face bashing with a phone only works with a rotary model. The phones these days crumble after one or two solid shots because they are made with the plastic equivalent of balsa wood.
And yes, you can have one.
Reality TV is only good when I can bend it to my will.
What do you call someone who doesn't get that your married and have two kids... what is it? Oh yeah,DUMB AS HELL! and no woman finds that attractive... I should know.
A ha ha ha. I wish I worked in a comics store.
@Evie: I wished you worked in a comics store too. Then I'd have an ally.
Wow, a stunning and efficient montage on the woes of the geeky beautiful/cute/adorable/sighworthy (geek girls take your pick). The shower (NOT the middle ages my squishy and ill mannered friend), the lame and blunt fisted attempts at suave conversation...oh yes, it harkens back to my earlier con days (the quality of both con girls and gentlemen has improved markedly since then, hence dating me). Even with all the lamery you endure, you still have my dream job! :)
Don't worry Friday, in Canada, we number our exits sequentially. Exit 8 does follow 7 up here and we typically follow that up with 9, provided 7 wasn't hungry.
Jeez...nationalized health care, legalized gay marriage, AND sequential road exits?
Fuck it, I'm moving to Vancouver.
Ok, bare with me...
1) I'm not that much of a Flash-fan. Whatever Flash you like, I like.
2) Not even I is dat stoopid.
3) when I walk into a comic book store (which is quite rarely) I don't say much. Hell, it takes me five minutes to work up the courage to ask one of the staff if they have the bomic book I'm looking for.
4) I am not misogenist. Sometimes I think I'm more feminist than most women.
5) What the heck is a proton phaser?
6) I never fart in public. AND I bath quite regularly.
7) My ego? what ego?
8) When attempting to engage a female I can barely speak.
9) Wait... wait. What's mana?
10) I certainly would'nt say anything OUT LOUD ;-)
there, see?
True Romantic.
"Don't try to be funny and ask how much mana you'll need for the date or tell her you'd like to go out on Stardate 14256.5"
I usually just go for the "So babe, have to ever seen a REAL lightsaber before?" pick-up line. It packs more of a punch when I do it in my Jedi costume. But to each their own.
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