Sexy Baristas

While I'm pretty certain other states have these, I don't know about them, so am going to speak about what Washington is doing.

We have sexeh bikini baristas. News stations here are oh-so-cleverly referring to them as sexpresso stands. AHAHA, that's hilarious.

In Belfair, Washington--population at a wowing 700 (whose only other claims to fame are breeding a Democratic congressman), they have gotten the Espresso Gone Wild (I think this is it's real name) stand zoned as EROTIC ENTERTAINERS. The girls have to cover up or pack up!

The same happened over in Bonney Lake.

Listen, Minivan Mothers. I understand that maybe the title of this stand threw you a bit--who'd know that by a name like 'Espresso Gone Wild', this would be a Girls In Bikinis coffee stand?! Not I, surely.

And I am insanely offended that my children--who I never take to the beach--are forced to see girls in bikinis working an espresso machine. Offended, I tell you. I am writing an angry letter right now!

Surely this is cause to ring the Whores Are Coming town bell and start a Mother Riot. Surely! Surely this is far, far more important than anything else going on in the country--hey, make sure your sixteen year-old girls aren't posting pictures of their budding cleavage on MySpace later! Take care of these Sexpresso Girls immediately. Next: Prayer in schools!!!!!

On behalf of secure women everywhere, I beg of you to shut the hell up and go patrol your children's internet usage.

Instead of being terrified at a bikini, perhaps you could spend some time talking to your teenagers about respecting themselves! Discuss what dignity means to them and how getting big tips for showing a little ass may not be the way to earn spare cash.

I happily support these sexpresso girls. I mean, if someone is dumb enough to operate machinery that cranks up liquids over 140 degrees, liquids that frequently splash/spill, while wearing as little clothing as humanly possible they need all the help they can get. Seriously--uh, ow?

This isn't slavery, this isn't against their will, this is girls purposefully working where they're going to make a bit extra bank for sacrificing their dignity because men love them the pretty girls. If that's what they want to do, hey, who am I to stop them? They don't need me to respect them in the morning--if they come out of working there feeling liberated and happy, more power to them. I mean that.

You know what objectification is? Here's a good example: Getting a city to call these girls EROTIC ENTERTAINERS just because they serve coffee in bikinis. Demeaning them for choosing a job that has nothing to do with dollar bills being tucked next to tassled nipples and lap dances. That's not just demeaning, it's mean.

Maybe this should be a comment on our society and not these 'sexpresso stands'. Maybe instead of ringing the Whores Are Coming bell, the bell you should be ringing is the 'Oh No, Why Are We Raising Our Daughters To Be Okay With This' bell. It's the one right next to the 'Buy Her A Home Depot Tool Kit AND An Easy Bake Oven'.

So back off, Used-To-Be-Hot-Before-Four-Kids Minivan Mom (oh, hey, did I just pigeon hole you? I DID, didn't I? Gosh, I'm sorry. At least I didn't imply you were a whore!). Go get a fucking mani/pedi and some self-esteem. I'll defend these chicks all the way--I'd never, ever do it, but just because I can't respect it in myself doesn't mean I can't make room for other women to feel differently.

Flash: Rebirth and Other Things

Goddamn, look at that art! To me, Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver make one of the best comic book teams out there. I consistently love their work seperately and together, it's even better. They must totally feed off each other. CBR has a great Spotlight article on Van Sciver, which you should go read here. I really admire and appreciate the way he approaches comics and how he feels about them--probably a really cool guy to grab food with.

I'm so excited about this title and all you disbelievers can go eat bugs.

That's right. Bugs.







He's four feet tall. Leather-clad. A wee little puppet man, if you will. And? His nose comes off. In the absolute coolest thing I've seen in months, in December, Angel The 1:1 Replica Puppet will hit the shelves for a mere $325.00.

I'm going to be putting out a tip jar with a picture of the advertisement from Previews on it.

Hot damn, look at that handsome little puppet face.

And? And? You can put your hand inside him.

No. Not there.

/cheap jokes.


CBR has another great article with three of my faves, Fabio Moon, Gabriel Ba and Becky Cloonan. Good read, I was really excited about all their Eisner wins this time around.

Warner Bros and DC Discussing Movie Strategies?

This is a hopeful thing to wake up and read. DC, top creaters and top dogs over at WB discussing movies and probably discussing how to go about doing what Marvel is doing by linking all their movies together.

Fans have spent years saying what they want to see from comic book movies is an all-over sort of continuity. Studios have been reluctant to push this, thanks to wallets and requiring actors to sign contracts, the difficulty of retaining directors and writers and on and on and on. Basically, laziness.

Marvel sort of bit the bullet and just did it, didn't they? And wow shit, did it work. I'm not the only one who noticed how good Hulk ended up doing, right? 55 million on opening weekend isn't anything to sniff at for a movie sequel, especially a movie sequel to something that was fucking terrible. Good job, Marvel.

Of course DC needs to do the same thing.

But you know, I really, really love comic book movies. Even ones that aren't faithful to the comic book--pause: Not X-Men. X-Men was terrible, screw the continuity and all that, it was just bad all by its own self.

I liked Superman Returns. No--I loved it. I thought it was true to the characters while creating a completely different universe for Superman. Something differing from the comic books and honestly? That's what I want to see. Characters that are the characters we know and love from the books put in different universes so we're not just watching a story we've all already read. I don't really want to pay $40 bucks for two in a theater for a comic I have at home.

Drawing inspirations from comics is one thing--The Dark Knight writers and actors have pulled from plenty of the Batman classics--but just repeating a story? I don't care. I want the origin stories to mirror, of course--because that's the character--but I don't actually want to rewatch Infinite Crisis. Though . . . it would be pretty cool. I liked the Superbaby--blasphemer, I know!--and I also like things that are different.

I mean . . . shit, we're reading eighty different titles and Wolverine is in seventy-eight of them. How worried about continuity can fanboys really be? Or is it just one more thing to pick at because face it, ninety percent of fanboys just want something to complain about.

I think the powers of continuity bitching (+20 with the Helmet of History) just come from all that sex they're not getting.

So, if DC hops aboard the movie linking train, what are the movies you want to see hitting the theaters? A few of the obvious ones: Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash. But what else?

Shazam?

Books That Look Good (or not)

Oh look, it's that time again! Books I'm either into or will be checking out this week:

DC, Wildstorm, Vertigo

Action Comics #866 -I'm curious, that's all. I really want to see where this is headed and I think I'll give it one issue to let me know.
Booster Gold #10
Gotham Underground #9 -Only because it's the last one. And I was stupid and read all the others. And maybe there'll be a pay-off. Or maybe I'll just learn my lesson that Penguin is never awesome. Either or.
Green Lantern Corps #25
The Huntress: Year One #3
The Lost Boys: Reign of Frogs #2
Salvation Run #7 -Same situation as Gotham Underground, only I believe this book has been better. Or I'm just biased for Lex and Joker. At any rate, this book is a solid example of why DC rushed itself into Final Crisis and why they really, really needed to stop making so many tie-ins a year ago. More on this later.
Simon Dark #9 -I've been very, very strongly enjoying this series.
Tiny Titans #5 -The Book That Adorable Built.
Trinity #2 -If it doesn't slam it out this week, it's going to get a flip through next week.
Young Liars #4

Marvel

Captain Britain and MI: 13 2 #2
Eternals #1 -I've been looking forward to this, so here's to hoping.
Genext #2 -Really liked #1, so definitely snagging this again. Interesting read and a fun concept in the midst of all the other stuff going on. It's a good side title.
Mighty Avengers #13
New Avengers #40
New Exiles #7
NewUniversal: Shockfront #2
Secret Invasion: Who Do You Trust #2
Skaar: Son Of Hulk #1
Sky Doll #2 -The series built of awesome. Awesome awesomeness abounds. Really.

Image

Charlatan Ball #1 -I have been looking forward to this series too, the previews of it look excellent. I encourage an intent flip-through at your LCS.
Invincible #50

Dark Horse (gets no cool pic)

BPRD: War On Frogs #1

Trades of Interest

Absolute Sandman Vol 3
Vinyl Underground #1
Marvel Zombies 2
Silver Surfer: In Thy Name
Ultimate X-Men #8
Wolverine: Enemy of the State Ultimate Collection
The Joker: Greatest Stories Ever Told
The Question: The Five Books Of Blood
Will Eisner's The Spirit Archives Vol 24
Crawl Space XXXombies Vol 1
The Amazing Joy Buzzards Vol 1: Here Come The Spiders








Aaaand (you knew it was coming) Here's what I'm avoiding:

Titans #3 -Oh, hey, it's the cover that Crap built. Why does Nightwing look like he's regurgitating food to Baby Bird!Starfire? And why does Cyborg look so. freaking. ridiculous? And why are they still putting this book out? With a blurb like this:

Random hook-ups, internal fighting, envy…
what's going on with Nightwing, Starfire,
Flash, Beast Boy, Raven, Donna and Red Arrow?
Can this team get their act together
before their mysterious
foes reveal themselves?

I'm pretty sure that I don't even need to point out how ridiculously childish this series is, but I could if you really, really wanted me to.



Green Arrow/Black Canary -This keeps making my brain hurt in not very delicious ways. While there are some amusing moments, over all the story is just bad and the small gems scattered throughout aren't worth the agony for me. Avoiding like the plague and biding my time until they're all cool again.




Note: Birthday parties for children? Exhausting. But it was chock full of awesomeness--and totally sunny for the duration of the party. I was shocked and certain that I was going to have to entertain twenty plus people in my house and am now supremely pleased that I got to throw them into my backyard. Excellent. Even if it was all Spider-Man, all the time. Seriously, the kid got ten Spider-Man presents. Everyone I know took this opportunity as a moment for revenge.

Fine, at least he likes comic books.

I Have No Fidelity

Mondays and Tuesdays I'll be cheating on The Stop with . . . The Stop. Redmond Version. Stop in and see me if you can (also, spend money). I think it'll go super-awesome (so long as I stop acting like George, Brian and Jim and conquer the Scary, Scary Scanner) and I'm really looking forward to getting to play in that gorgeous store.

Seriously, if you haven't been in to visit yet, please do, it really is awesome. Um. Don't tell Lynnwood Stop, it'll get jealous and spend all day Wednesday harrassing me about how I don't take it out anyplace nice anymore and don't love it like I used to. Then it'll sabatogue me by eating the last box cutter. Sigh.

My hair is purple

Sort of. Actually, it's an amalgam of blue, purple, dark pink. It looks pretty good, except for the parts that don't. Aren't I helpful?

When I'm not lazy, I'll put up pictures. Provided I remember.


This is the coolest thing I've heard in ages. I don't think Zetaman is stupid. I think he's terribly goofy and hilarious, but completely wonderful. He started out doing citizen crime fighting but shifted to helping the homeless after getting into trouble and whatnot.

"I want to help because I grew up poor and I grew up starving and stuff," Zetaman said. "I'm an adult now, I have a job and I just want to help where I can."

It's so cheesy and geeky and absolutely perfect. I really, really love what this guy is doing. Apparently the word has spread around and there are actually superheroes in other cities doing the same thing and I think this is one of the best news stories I've read in months.

"Zetaman says he's met with some of these other solo civic social fighters and an alliance may be in the works."

I can't stop laughing while reading this article--I'm actually really happy, which is so strange while reading a news piece. I'd like a Seattle Superhero, please. This guy totally deserves a key to the city of Portland and a plaque, what he's doing is absolutely terrific.

The homeless may seem like a big waste of time to some, but I really believe that a nation should be judged on how they treat their least fortunate, not their most. There should be superheroes going to foster houses and group homes too.




Rock on, Zetaman.

Numfar, do the dance of joy!

Google Analytics is a special kind of crack. It has informed me I've gone somewhat international, so hello to the UK, Malaysia, Germany and New Zealand. Basically, it's a Super Stalking Website where I get to see where/how people are getting here. No weird search terms yet, in fact the only one was "Simon Dark" (go read it), which is reassuring. "woman and donkey sex" isn't something I think I'll ever be a source for.

. . . though I suppose now I've ensured it'll pop up.

Newsarama has an entire mini-site dedicated to NYCC (yeah, the one I didn't get to go to) which I think is a clever idea. All their reporting also means I can feel like I went to the con, information-wise. I just haven't gotten any cool swag (see right), ogled, my feet don't hurt and I don't have a hangover. There's a big debate over at Occasional Superheroine over this picture done by Adam Hughes, but I think getting it's quite well done, if a little too Vanity Fair influenced. I'd love to see a Men of DCU version of this poster, so I can obtain both and frame them and shove them on my wall. Lots of comments about Batwoman's position/clothes, but I personally adore it. All the women look gorgeous, none of them are over-sexualized; they're all still feminine and sexy (shocker!) and rocking. So kudos to Hughes, imho, for a great job well done. If you got one and don't like it, please feel free to contact me via email to send it to me. Pretty posters need Good Homes.

I think this article is absolutely terrific. Jones and Morrison are adorable and delicious when they mug for the camera. God, I wish they were coming to ECCC. Especially Morrison, thanks to this panel (if I could draw at all, I'd be more insistent about Jones, but me picking an artist's brain is about as productive as running up a down escalator). Anyone who is that frank and blunt about drug use in connection to their medium, discusses being a tranny and comes out on stage saying, "Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor!" cements their awesomeness. He would be one of those writers that I would love to have lunch with. I'd probably be too nervous and choke to death on my sandwich, but I'm certain it'd be really cool up until the dying part.

I'm looking forward to Final Crisis and all these panels about it have definitely revved me up for the event (too many links there? Weigh in). I've heard rumors about a certain character dying and if they do, I'll be upset/in awe/impressed. Which is exactly how I want to feel during a big event.

Morrison made this comment somewhere in those links: "I don’t like killing a character. I much prefer to mess with them; death is too easy for these guys.” I agree with this approach to writing superheroes and it definitely reassures me about this event in general and having Morrison at the reins. Dying is too easy and terrible things happening to them, having them do terrible things for a greater good, et cetera, is yummier brain candy. I love all these characters best when they're truly suffering.

I'm not sure how I feel about Power Girl getting her own series, but I am going to reserve judgment until I actually see it. It's definitely a good sign that more women in the DCU are getting their own books, so long as this cover doesn't end up being subtitled: "Welcome to the warmest valley in the DCU!"

Jimmy Palmiotta said, "She is a very expressive character and being able to just draw a sexy well built woman is good for a pin-up, but this is a multi-layered character trying to make her way in the world and we wanted the right artist to be able to express in their visuals not only the obvious, but the inner workings as well. The character demands respect."

And that's all true. There's nothing wrong with having Super Boobs so long as that rack is accompanied by an awesome, well-written character.


Simone doing the Secret Six again is just fantastic and another great book to look forward to on Wednesdays. Simone said that "the Six are mostly about getting laid and getting paid." My response to this is the Dance of Joy. God, I love Simone, she's so hilarious and her brain definitely works on the same level as mine, so I know I can happily and comfortably look forward to this title. "There is a romance, and in typical Six fashion, it's non-vanilla and completely wrong." Yay!

Awesome.

Apparently at the DC Nation panel, there were promotional pins with Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake and Hush with the text, "I am Batman?". I very, very badly need these pins. Or at least Jason's. Anyone? Please? Will they be at the DC Nation panel for ECCC? Please?

Please?

While I'm definitely bummed about not being able to go to NYCC this year, I am plotting to attend next year. So I can stalk Morrison.

I'm Going To Hell

I think I might be a terrible person for a) finding this funny and b) only really feeling sorry for the landlord.

(I give convicted sex offenders no sympathy love. Me = Failure in the first of the Four Noble Truths)