Stupid Things I Think About

So, up here in Washington State we have the ever-lovely I-405. Which I've happened to noticed, during the exceptional morning and afternoon traffic, has no Exit 8. There's 7 and 9, but no 8 to be found anywhere.

My first thought shouldn't have been, "But what did seven eat?!"

Other things I thought while driving this morning, that perhaps I shouldn't have, was, "Hm. I wonder if I'm too tired to drive?"

Stellar news, everyone: No, I was not too tired to drive. I do, however, look quite tired today and will likely startle a few customers because I don't trust myself not to stab myself in the eye with my eyeliner. Thank you, my delicate little Lyn Hippo, for enjoying only three hours of sleep with me. I hope your morning nap is lovely.


And finally:

Dear Comic Book Geek Boys,

Hi. I'm a girl. As evidenced by my breasts and my lack of an Adam's apple. Yes, I read comic books. Yes, I play Magic. And enjoy other, non-Star Wars, geeky things. No, this is not an invitation to spend an hour discussing your all-red burn deck with me. Nor is it an invitation to ask me if I'll be wearing a costume this Halloween (yes, by the way, I will. I've decided to go as Death-the cliche, not Endless-and will carry an authentic scythe. Enjoy, boys!).

If you would like a girl to like you (or at least not call Security on you), let me help you out with a few friendly pointers.

1) Arguing about who is the coolest Flash is not necessarily flirting-it is definitely not flirting when you start gesturing wildly and screeching, "BARRY! HOW COULD IT BE GODDAMN BART?! WHAT, DO YOU WRITE FANFICTION?!?!". Guess what? That's not sexy.
2) Asking her if she reads 'that Spider-Girl book' because she's a girl isn't showing interest, it's showing you're an ass.
3) Walking into a comic book store and making a derogatory comment with the expectation that it's a male you think you're better than, realizing it's a pretty girl and acting like it was a joke isn't just stupid, it makes me want to kick your teeth in. (Pssst, my proud male geek friends are totally better than you, just so you know)
4) Asking if the guys have me working here because I'm a girl is annoying. And only half-true.
5) If the girl behind the counter is wearing a wedding ring and discussing her two children, she's probably not going to be wooed by your ten minute discussion of different kinds of proton phasers and probably will NOT be running away with you.
6) If you expect to woo a girl, please don't fart in the back of the store. Just a tip. Also? Shower.
7) Trapping her on the phone so you can stroke your ego by discussing what old comic books you own and how much they're worth isn't impressive. What's impressive is bringing one of those old comic books as a tip on Wednesday. By the way, this will not make her run away with you. You would, however, get a discount. This also applies to discussing different Star Trek communicators (discount not applicable).
8) When attempting to engage a female in conversation, don't insult the books she has in her arms. (yes, I have seen this happen. Three times.)
9) Just stop floundering after her and ask for her damned number. Don't try to be funny and ask how much mana you'll need for the date or tell her you'd like to go out on Stardate 14256.5--I mean it.
10) Again: when engaging a female in a comic book store, do NOT insult the books she is carrying. Even if it is Ghost Whisperer.

Good luck and please stop hitting on me.

Thanks,

Friday

I Got Awesomed, And So Should You

Before I do my reviews of this week's comics--later today, thanks to Diamond's late shipping of one of our boxes here at The Stop, I'm going to Pimp A Podcast or . . . PAP! Hm. That's not nearly as epic an acronym as I was hoping.

I like podcasts, because I usually spend an amount of time in my car that most people consider insane, and I consider my Zen Me Time. So for me, podcasts are important--especially good ones that'll keep me from ramming my Honda into the idiot in front of me.

First try podcasts should be bumpy. They should be a little bit clumsy and maybe a bit disorganized and the podcasters should be a little rough around the edges. And stuttering--there should definitely be some stuttering or stumbling. Also, tinny music.

Evie and husband Aaron over at Awesomed By Comics completely ignore the First Time Podcast Creed and turn out an awesome hour-or-so that has none of the first time blues. The Awesomed By Comics Podcast (ABC Podcast) is an awards show format for the week's comics--Marvel and DC, though I think we should throw some Image at them--that is intensely entertaining and fun to listen to as well as informative.

Even if methinks they don't share the Morrison love I do. They do get a pass for being The Most Adorable Geek Couple.

They have intro music and category openers, for God's sake! They each have their reviews, they have best/worst categories, they have best panels and more. The whole episode flows so well, their conversations and topics and opinions are informed and fun and interesting.

This kept me interested and content and laughing through heavy crappy I-5 traffic, which is no small joke around here.

So congrats to Evie and Aaron, for being complete over-achievers who set a high, high bar for themselves and shamed lots of seasoned podcasts this week by putting out a completely awesome newbie one.

Seriously, someone drop them a memo about the need to start low and slowly raise standards. Or just download it or subscribe to the feed and then tell them how completely Awesomed you got. I insist.

Excellent Geeking, you two.










Goddamn over-achievers.