Geeked

Displaced Housewives and Matchmaking?

2009-06-09T00:10:00.000-07:00

It's eleven-thirty and I have a few things to do tomorrow. I can't sleep, of course. I only felt half brainless all day, so naturally when I lay down to sleep things start making sense. Then again, I did punish myself first thing this morning with writing a resume, where trying to pull advice about formatting a Relevant Skills one resulted in advice that consisted of referring to my children as 'junior associates'. Junior. Associates.

What?

I am raising tiny adults, here, not micro-managing a few obnoxious know-it-alls fresh from college. I am not going to refer to myself as a 'displaced housewife' either, you idiots. Things are clearly bad because I now have a Title. The thing has been named so the thing exists. It's not even just being thrown around anymore, it's on educational information. Someone help us. According to them when I am finished stalling, my resume ought to look something like this:

Displaced Housewife, formerly managing two junior associates and an entry-level canine seeks a full-time administrative/office assistant position.

Experience

Housewifing (2001-Present)

Responsibilities entailed, teaching the English language, both written and verbal. Intense service care, including clothing, food, wiping and other ooky things. Developing extensive skills at monster shooing and occassionally, the slaying of. Maintaining strong verbal communication at all times and if necessary, utilize a trip to the Wall of Tears.*

I'm fairly certain that these people are suggesting this sort of...um, whatever it is, as a joke. It must be a joke, for otherwise I will not sleep tonight. For the purposes of the collective mental health of the internet, it is a joke.

Anyway, I'm up late and been putting a lot of thought to jobs the past few days—can't imagine why—and it got me thinking about Dream Jobs. Not the ones that exist, the ones that we invent, or think we invent (I'm certain mine must exist, but I don't care to Google it and ruin the moment for myself), that exist just for us. I have a few Dream Jobs, but the one that occurred to me tonight is an interesting and funny one.

I've always been pretty good at matchmaking friends. Not love connections, just friend ones. 'So-and-so would really get along with what's-their-name' sort of stuff, introducing them and having them get along like pancakes and blueberries.

This would be a fun job that wouldn't pay. I could do it over the internet, in the style of the old awesome matchmakers, via word of mouth. So-and-so could send me their name, email, likes, dislike and a little about them and I would then friend match. This would be a fun job. I could do it over the internet. It's kind of like those message in a bottle things I'd do when I was younger, but with something much kinder than the cruel freezing depths of the ocean. I remember riding the ferry, desperately hoping to have someone over in Japan or wherever find it, translate it into their language, care enough to respond and then be EXACTLY LIKE ME SO IT COULD BE SUPERAWESOMEYEAHFUNTIMESGO.

That never happened.

No one ever answered my lonely scrawlings, there was no amazing Other Kristina somewhere in the world just waiting with bated breath. Well, that or there was and she just lost it. I'm old enough now to wonder what the fuck my mom was thinking, letting me throw dozens and dozens of bottles with my address on it into the ocean, but since our house was never robbed by an angry Orca mob, I guess I can't complain at her about it. (Good going, Mom.) Since I was robbed in my youth, I want to provide to others. It'd be awesome fun times to hook two strangers up for a potentially neat friendship/netpal.

I did this on accident recently. By getting paired up with a total stranger for a project I met a chick I like, have a lot in common with and have great conversations with. Completely unexpected and a truly nice surprise.

Anyway, it's midnight now and I have to try to get some sleep for tomorrow. Dream jobs!

*Wall of Tears: It is the wall where my children put their noses when they are especially beastly, because one day I realized there was tear and snot residue on it at their height (fucking. gross.) I can now point in the general direction of the Wall and say, 'Wall of Tears!' and off they shuffle, sullen and belligerent, until I call their names.

(And, because I discovered my dad, step-mother and brother are all now reading my blog: Hi Dad. Hi Monica. Hellooooooooo Little Michael.)

Poodoo: Bullshitting About Star Wars, 1999-2009

2009-05-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

Matt Springer has released his second free ebook via Alert Nerd Press, titled "Poodoo". This book ought to be recommended as a staple to round out everyone's Geek Internet reading--the collection of ten years worth of Star Wars articles is the journey we all undertake with our True Geek Love. It's something like a grieving process: the happy, undisturbed love meets the cruel blow of Less Than Good, Actually Totally Fucking Bad and the journey that follows afterwards. Through him, we get all the stages: guilt, denial, grief and anger and onto resignation. Except acceptance. Geeks just can't do that--except for grudgingly and with the understanding that they cannot be invited to talk about this topic. Ever.
His wry humor and the way he comfortably embraces his crazy geekness only make "Poodoo" that much more enjoyable. He's assembled his painful journey for us so that we may keep it as a reassurance that no, we're not alone. We may be fucking crazy, but we're not alone.

It ought to be recommended as a staple, so I am going to go ahead and do it. You will find it here, housed safely at Alert Nerd. Enjoy.

Wise Feminism

2009-05-08T10:03:00.000-07:00

The idea of demanding a product and then immediately rejecting that product before it ever reaches your fingertips is one that is both confusing and laughable.

Why would you spend a large chunk of your time (fuck, any chunk of time) demanding, for example, a Female Centered Comic Book and then, when that Female Centered Comic Book comes to fruition, exclaim that you refuse to buy it because you do not like the way it is being pressed.

I might be talking about Marvel Divas again.

I criticized the pitch. I broke the pitch down, sentence by sentence, and discussed what irritated me about it as well as what I liked. The pitch is built on partial suck. The pitch isn't what ultiately matters. It's the product. If, as a reader, the way something is pitched isn't exactly appreciated, make it known. I'm not suggesting that anyone keep their mouth shut, but what I am suggesting is a modicum of common sense.

Well, it seems like common sense to me to give a book that is built a bit around the fact that women like reading about women a bit of a chance.

Here's what also makes sense to me: money. And more importantly, money makes sense to the business producing such a product. Not just money, but numbers. Clearly numbers are important in the comics industry, where when Secret Invasion beats out Final Crisis everyone pisses themselves in one direction or another and makes a big fucking deal out of it. The same thing goes for a book like, uh, Marvel Divas.

Say all the people out there who have been asking for a book about heroines buys the first issue. Say the first issue is less than awesome and turns out to be what a lot of us fear: Just Another Booby Fest. Don't buy the second issue. The numbers will drop off and that's what a businessman sees. Joe Quesada is, at his core, a businessman. As a editor-in-chief of Marvel, this is what he ought to be. He has to consider multiple sides of everything and pitch for the numbers. If feminists keep outrightly rejecting books on the basis that 'surely, this is like every other book and I refuse to pander to their covers, and also refuse to buy albums/movies/etc based on their sexy covers because I never, ever, ever give in at all to Sex Sells', our numbers will never blip on the map.

Consequently, the businessmen will have no idea what the numbers could be. If everyone that's demanded a book like this buy it and find that it is, in fact, a booby fest that has no real value and then do not buy any more of them, this will be noticed. What is not noticed (shockingly) is when these readers don't bother to show up to the party at all, after clamoring for the party to be held. This is a foolish thing to do.

Don't ask for a book about women and then reject a book about women before it's even hit the shelves. Reject the book after you've purchased the first issue and you don't like it. Give Joe Quesada the evidence of your existence, not just an angry post on the internet. Give him what matters to Marvel: the lack of your money. Show that the money is there and when you do not like the product, take that money away. Take it away and demand a better product.

Buy the first issue of Marvel Divas. Help prove to the industry that the number of people who want quality books actually exists. Show up to the party, then do what you want from there, but it is critical that we actually goddamned show up. Joe Quesada is not perusing Livejournal in his free time and giving serious consideration to complaints that show up there, but go no further than bitching in comments. Joe Quesada is considering the money, so show him that your money can be there for him, given that he can give a product that you actually want to buy. If the $3.99 (is it 3? or 2? whatever) is important to your budget, return the book. Talk to your comic seller and say, 'hey, if I hate this, is it okay if I return it? Or can I exchange it for something else that I know that I like?'.

Be a wise feminist and utilize business values. Take their game and make it yours. Your voice is your wallet, not your livejournal/blog/whatever. Use your voice.

Pass it on.

In Your Own Words

2009-04-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm curious. I'd love it if you all could take the time at some point before . . . let's say Tuesday, to do something for me.

In your own words, explain to me what happened in either Secret Invasion or Final Crisis (or both, if you're feeling especially motivated) and what the results have been. That simple. It can be as long or as short of an answer as you'd like, so long as it's serious. It can be as adoring or as hateful as you'd like. It can become your own blog post with pictures and graphs, for all I care. I'm trying to see what everyone got from these Big Great Events now that they're over. And over long enough to establish what the effects have been.

That's it! Thanks to all and I'll post the findings Wednesday.

101 in 1001

2009-04-21T11:51:00.000-07:00

Over at Great Hera, Sarah's resurrected the 101 in 1001, which I read and thought, 'hey, you know, I'm having a fairly unproductive first quarter of the year too, let's DO IT'. The first time it went around, I thought it was a great idea but kind of knew I'd be setting myself up for failure. I think I'm ready now. Or at least, I'm ready to fail.

And here you go: Evidence I have promised to Do Stuff (Davy Crockett, this list took forever)

~~Finish this list and post it. Which completely counts.~~
Take the Mister and kids to Mount Saint Helen's on a day trip, because they've never been. Hike, have a picnic, enjoy the gorgeous and don't get eaten by a bear/eaten by bugs/fall/lose anyone.
Finish a knitting project every week. Which equals to 143 finished projects, I think. Two to three weeks leeway for Big Projects, but I tend not to lean towards those anyways.
Repaint the living room and get everything properly framed and up, therefore finishing said living room.
Redecorate kitchen. Possibly to a Rooster theme, because nothing says delicious like cocks in a kitchen. Wait . . . what?
Go on a writing/creativity retreat weekend with nothing but my notebooks and crafty things. This is a two-fer, where I will also realize the house will not explode if I leave the Mister and children to their own devices to do something selfish for myself. I went on a road trip two years ago, but it was more chore and less fun/not at all personally productive, so it doesn't count. (Bonus points for only using the phone to check in on family.)
Take a real summer vacation with the fam, where we drive somewhere, get terribly cranky and end the week exhausted but ultimately pleased with 1000 photos no one will want to look at but us. Bonus points if no one gets seriously injured/lost.
Take the Mister and kids to Mount Rainier on a day trip, because again, they've never been. Hike, have a picnic, enjoy the gorgeous and don't get eaten by a bear/eaten by bugs/fall/lose anyone.
Find or form a D&D group. One that I'm actually comfortable gaming in for a long period of time and feel 100% in.
Call my long-distance/don't see often friends to talk. Every two weeks, dammit, and try not to be such a guy on the phone.
Revamp wardrobe to reflect my strong desire for Neo-Victorian/Funky Indie.
Get webcomic live and running. This is an early summer goal, actually, and a project that's been in the works for the last month. I think that it still counts as part of my 101 list.
Form a writing critique group with other writer friends.
Finish RL and get proper critique on it. Then, ashcan the bastard and pimp it out.
Blog more regularly.
Make a more active effort to not lose: phone, phone charger, keys, drivers license, debit card and important pieces of mail that make my Mister twitch.
Be a better commenter--I am forever failing to leave comments on blog posts that I think are great, which is the suckage. Boo on me.
Find rhythm.
Learn to play one of Mister's guitars.
Finish LW. Then harass writer group for critique.
Make Sarah a custom Sackboy.
Make Robyn a custom Sackboy.
Make a custom Zombie Sackboy for Christina, to commemorate her finishing her online novel which you should all be reading at The Occult Consult.
Be Smoke Free.
Redecorate our bedroom/bathroom while Mister is not looking. This will require new carpets, paint and finding a bed frame as well as Decorations. Resist urge to put Templesmith print in bedroom. Bloody, scary vampires are apparently not conducive to sleeping or sexy time. Tch.
Go see Marian Call. I'm bummed that I didn't get to this year, thanks to life being life.
Have coffee and baked treats with Marian. Because that'd be awesome. Go team.
Get the garden and lawn up to snuff. This will probably involve learning how to garden-tend something other than a cactus. And manual labor.
Successfully get all roommates to fly the coop.
Turn first empty bedroom into an office/music room for Mister.
Turn second empty bedroom into Super Awesome Girl Room Of Doom.
[NOT PUBLISHED BECAUSE I'M A MEAN BITCH AND WORD GETS AROUND]
While it may seem that I am quite good at not putting up with people's shit--because I am--I tend to later on, second-guess myself. I will stop second-guessing myself, because my first instinct is usually the correct one. Having to eat a little crow and apologize later is easier than putting up with shit I don't have to from people I don't care about. SHORT VERSION: Suck it, whiners.
Convince my friends I will not be mean to them, so that they will always be friends with me.
Get Gargamel tattoo. I will need to figure out WHERE a good home for Gargamel is. And also con my Mister into thinking it isn't an unattractive idea. And also Azrael, curled about my wrist (the evil kitty will be significantly easier).
Learn a language. Any language, just learn it: speaking, understanding, reading and writing. Pig Latin doesn't count.
Go on a cruise.
See a game at Safeco field. It's just silly not to have been yet.
Be a better email friend.
Okay, let's be honest: Be a better friend. You suck, K. I fall into the trap of not doing things Right Then and my days can get swallowed up really easily. I just need to do things when I think of them, not putting them off to that mythical hour where I'll have a free hand.
Con my mister into a snazzy outfit, get a snazzy outfit for myself and go somewhere snazzy for a show and dinner. Then have snazzy all-night sex together in a nice hotel and sleep in until 10.
Put together those homework and art scrapbooks for Bug. That pile of paper isn't getting any smaller. He may never care, but a future significant other may want to see the adorable.
Start taking care of my nails. This has been a goal for a while, continually ruined by chores. Get those chore gloves, stupid, so that your nails look pretty. This isn't as foolish as it may seem.
Get published. Is this already on here? Well, too bad if it is, this one is important. It can be on here twice.
Learn how to make a stuffed animal, then make a chupacabra.
Go on a summer road trip. Try to go by self, since other people in close proximity for a few days may result in an inferno-like death.
Meet some online friends in person for coffee/meals/drinking on said road trip.
Organize and transcribe great-great-great grandmother's journals onto the computer for grandmother's birthday. This is going to be a freaking nightmare, by the way, the woman wrote tiny as hell, the documents are all over fifty years old and there's a lot of them. But my grandmother will be happy, and she is a great lady who deserves labor-filled gifts.
Read 52 novels each year.
Get my sew on properly-finish one project every three weeks.
Attend the Steampunk convention in costume. I am loathe to attend things in costume, as I loathe people staring at me. But my concept design for this costume is gorgeous, will be comfortable and not require baring my Very Pale Legs for this. Also, it is gorgeous and deserves to be made. I will not look as silly as I feel I will.
Drag a group of friends to a midnight showing of Rocky Horror. Volunteers?
Drag a group of friends to a midnight showing of Repo: The Genetic Opera. Volunteers?
Throw myself a MASSIVE 30th Themed Birthday Party. Invite everyone. Send children away for the weekend. Drunkenly enjoy turning thirty.
Up work-out to four times a week, maintain size 6 status. Especially firm up the last bit of the Pregnant Flabby Thighs.
Karaoke. I'll need to be fairly drunk for this, and I still probably won't get up there. Wait--GROUP Karaoke. There. Volunteers?
Throw 8 themed parties. Because they are fun. Birthday doesn't count.
Get Bug involved in a sport, to balance out all the art/music he does. If he hates it, he can stop after the season, but he must do one season.
Figure out how to tear down and replace walls. Then, get rid of the wall separating my kitchen and dining room. Put in an island.
Sell house if market has recovered. Move back up north. Try not to lose a ton of money in the process. (this will be one of the last to get done, I'm sure)
Start taking walks for no reason, other than to be alone and chill out for a bit.
Remember/relearn how to code for websites.
Find someone to teach Bug how to use Photoshop since I am a Photoshop failure.
Start using camera more, and flickr. Possibly join a few flickr groups and stick with them properly. Any recommendations?
Participate and complete Nanowrimo. It's difficult, since I usually make Thanksgiving dinner for a Bunch Of People, but not impossible. Difficult is the juice of life anyway.
Participate and complete 3 other Nanowrimo-like writing challenges.
Stick with Redaction blog.
Set up a Day Plan the night before and stick with it. Organizing my time is key.
Hm.
Make pickles at home.
Learn how to make potato chips.
Each month, pick a cuisine style. Every week, do 2 recipes of increasing difficulty in that style, post results.
Don't give family food poisoning.
Buy a bread machine. I would save a ton of money in the long run, since we go through more bread than you could believe, and also it'll be fun to make craaaaazy breads. Uh.
Find a machine like that robotic little vacuum cleaner, only it's a mop. Buy it. Every room in the house but two are wood floors and I am so. tired. of. mopping. You wouldn't believe it. I may just start forcing people to wear tiny mops on the bottom of their feet.
Make sure I enjoy every day with the kids. I'm never going to have this age with them again, and every day they each do at least one thing that amazes me.
Take more photographic evidence of amazing things.
Clean out garage, then have a garage sale. Give away/throw away everything that is left over. DO NOT KEEP ANYTHING. Once it goes for sale, it is officially Gone.
Secretly redo the garage while Mister is gone for a weekend. This will involve repainting, installing shelves and reorganizing all his stuff for him in a way that makes sense for HIM, not me. That last bit is key. (all this secret stuff works, since amazingly, Mister does not read my blog.)
Take a family picture for photo holiday cards. Force everyone to dress in matching outfits, hopefully in ridiculous sweaters. Possibly also reindeer antlers. Think of something hilarious and mocking to put on them, then mail. MERRY HOLIDAYS.
Get people to stop buying me gifts that I appreciate, but don't need. Get them instead to donate $5-$10 dollars to a small 'indie' cause that deserves presents. Except Mister. He should frequently buy me gifts.
Learn how to work leather and metal and make neat things.
Figure out how to bake without the results looking like something a small child would proudly present to their parent.
Every three months, write a letter for each of the kids for when they are older. Nothing sappy, just about what they've been doing the last few months. Include pictures. They should never think they are not awesome and unique and constantly amazing to Mister and I. Also, so that when they are shitty teenagers telling me that I don't really understand/care/love them, I have Proof that they're idiots. Why yes, I am plotting against my children. Every parent should.
Take a massage therapy class, then use new skills to get Mister to complete Honey-Do lists with a little more speed.
Figure out how to make beer, then try it. Try not to poison people with the results.
Figure out how to make wine, then do it. Try not to poison people with the results.
Go visit my very dear friend in California, she deserves a surplus of love. Take her drinking and dancing without complaining ONCE.
Do another winery tour--we've got enough of them over here.
Learn how to snowboard.
Don't break anything while learning how to snowboard.
Post results for almost all completed list things on blog. You guys can't hear about the two redacted things, and one would just be way TMI.
Do not take in anymore stray people. Or re-admit previous roomies. They'll be FINE on their OWN.
[Redacted because she'd fucking KILL ME if I posted this one. I'm occasionally respectful.]
Interview someone awesome.
Go to 10 author signings--we get a good amount coming through this area, and it's something I forever MEAN to do.
Pressure-wash and restain fence. Borrrrrrring.
Recommended by Palindrome because I got stuck and he clearly wishes to see me fail: To be less Awesome in public so that my friends won't be so jealous all the time. (I AM READY FOR FAILURE.)
Utilize the family's beach house at least 3 times every summer. The packing for/drive up sucks, but it's always worth it. Whidbey Island is one of my absolute favorite places to relax.
Go see a UFC fight in Vegas.
Have an awesome three years, for I will never see them again.

Girls Like Explosions, Boys Like Drama

2009-04-20T13:54:00.000-07:00

When I say, 'don't pitch titles at my vagina', what I'm saying is this: Girls like explosions and boys like drama. It's okay. The secret is out, people, stop hiding your Gossip Girl DVD collections/Ultimate Rambo behind all the more 'appropriate' DVD's on the shelf. One person may lean more towards explosions or drama. That one person may be part of a big group of same-sex people that have the same thing in common, but that does not mean they don't lean over the other way sometimes. It's cool! Totally cool. Bisexual tastebuds?

Wait, what?

Anyway, women appreciate male-dominated themes. Men appreciate drama. It's not like men don't like stories that are deep and involved, it's not like they don't care about the characters. The majority of men may appreciate drama on a smaller scale than women, but I think the majority of women appreciate action less than men do. Who cares about the scale, anyways? I just want to read really awesome comics that have both things. They don't even have to be IN the same comic all the time, or have the same amount of each. I just long for the day that women reading comics or men watching drama tv goes unnoticed.

I love it when shit blows up. Those Explosion Money-Shots that were so popular in the eighties/nineties/todaytodaytoday!? Those were my vitamins growing up. The cheesier the better. I want to always see someone casually strolling out of a blazing inferno. That was so AWESOME. It's still awesome today! Look at this Die Hard explosion! I love watching him crawl through the vents and I love action movie one-liners, I love watching Rambo do really random ass cool shit with a really big friggin' knife. I constantly think to myself, 'Hey, this movie needs more explosions'.

But you know what else I love? Creepy. Gross. Outrageous. Stuff that is just entirely not okay. I love it when werewolf sodomy makes utter sense in a comic book. I like violent comic books. I like the sight of entrails on a full-page panel. Fists disappearing into chests? Okay! Guys punching the hell out of each other's faces? Whee! Full-blown alien invasions? I'm on it. It's all so freaking cool and fun and important to me.*

I like expensive or big shit to go boom. Big boom! Bada big boom!

Here's a great movie example of this theory: Fifth Element. I think it's a really, really great movie. It's on my Top 10. For me, it has It All. Awesome sci-fi action-adventure with drama. Delicious drama. It's one of my favorite love stories as well--it's deep, it's quiet and not over-stated, it's not the only drive to the story. But neither are all the really awesome action scenes. It's a great balance, with great acting I <3 sci-fi. It's a popcorn movie that still manages to make itself feel important. Not every action flick has to have a throw-away plot, something that the most recent slew of really popular action blockbuster movies have been realizing.

Everyone likes a bit of everything, it's just the degrees that are different. So when I say 'stop throwing things at my vagina' it doesn't mean I don't like the fact that a certain title/show may exist, it just means I don't like that it to the exclusion of men. Or for it to be loudly aimed at any one group/sex and not just advertised as what it is. You don't need to mention boobies for us to know there will be boobies. You don't need to mention tampons for us to know there will be tampon discussions. Or, drama that needs to apologize to men for existing. Everyone can like everything in different amounts, your comic book/fiction book/movie/television series doesn't actually need to pander to a vagina or a penis. It's patronizing. People don't really need to be told what their body parts would prefer to read, seeing as we can figure it out by ourselves. Besides, obvious pandering is a turn off for people that would be easiest for you to hook onto your product, Comic Book People. Stop over-doing everything. I understand this is fiction we're working in and everything gets exagerrated, but come on.

Besides, actions hurt. How would you like it if I threw things at your penis? You wouldn't, would you?

* Except poop. I do not enjoy poop. I do not think poop is funny or interesting. The word 'poop' is funny, but actual poop? Not funny. Poop is gross. I have to wipe poop off my toddler. Every. Day. No, I do not want a 'poop' sign. Though it is a funny idea and if you like poop, you ought to buy yourself one. You could courtesy-post it outside the bathroom you share with people, as to warn them of the 'beauty' you have created and left for display, if you are inclined to such odd behavior.

Where's the Mark?

2009-04-20T10:21:00.000-07:00

Blog post inspired by some awesome Alert Nerding done by Sarah over here. Sometimes I'm just not sure who comic book companies are aiming at. Sometimes it's frustrating being a woman who thoroughly enjoys comic books, because we get paragraphs like this about upcoming titles (in this case, Marvel Divas):

“The idea behind the series was to have some sudsy fun and lift the curtain a bit and take a peep at some of our most fabulous super heroines. In the series, they’re an unlikely foursome of friends–Black Cat, Hell Cat, Firestar, and Photon–with TWO things in common: They’re all leading double-lives and they’re all having romantic trouble. The pitch started as “Sex and the City” in the Marvel Universe, and there’s definitely that “naughty” element to it, but I also think the series is doing to a deeper place, asking question about what it means…truly means…to be a woman in an industry dominated by testosterone and guns. (And I mean both the super hero industry and the comic book industry.) But mostly it’s just a lot of hot fun.”
-Marvel Divas writer Roberto Aguirre-Sacasa, via My Cup o' Joe

Let's break this statement down.

Judging by the first sentence, which is the Topic Sentence, this is a book aimed at Men Who Want To See Boobs/Ass/Bubble Baths. Also, it discusses peeping on sexy women. Strangely, I do not find this appealing. The next sentence introduces the characters involved and the Main Plot Summary, which is the cliché female standard: Strong women having man troubles. Sex and the City was partially tiered around this-and largely pitched as this-but they did it right. Third sentence . . . wait--third sentence entirely subverts the first two. The third sentence actually makes me interested. What the hell? I was all turned-off, and now I'm doing a 180. I'm confused. I want to be hopeful. I'm interested and a bit cheered and confused as to why Aguirre-Sacasa led with 'sudsy fun' when this sentence was hiding up his sleeve. The sort-of-fourth-parenthesis sentence is a decent one, it tells me that someone's starting to Get It. I'm leaning over the fence now. I'm reading the last sentence. I'm . . . abruptly back on the fence once more. I'm dizzy and also irritated. I may be falling off the fence again, because it feels like a two versus one and my side is losing.

That paragraph tells me they don't know how to sell their product and are also slightly confused about what their product is. Saying 'But mostly it's just a lot of hot fun' after discussing the series going to a deeper place in the connections between strong women seems like an apology to the "WE WANT BOOOOOBIES" crowd for having actual depth. Starting the main definition of the title with 'sudsy fun' seems like this book will just be soft-core porn with a T.V. Repairman plot to string it all together. Is that what Marvel Divas is?

More importantly, are all books possibly aimed for women (they brought up SATC in the pitch room, which leads me to believe they are trying to nudge the door open farther for their female readership) going to be apologized for? I'm not a member of the 'Girls Only club'. I don't feel like I need a comic book that is aimed specifically at my vagina for me to enjoy comic books, but if one is going to be made I think that it should be done well. Sarah brought up Ultra by the Luna Brothers in her post and I completely agree (this is a subtle recommendation that you all read it) that it is a good standard for Female Superhero Books.

I'll ask it again, because this is an important question I'd like an answer to: Are all comic books aimed at women going to be apologized for?

Tax Day and Tea Parties

2009-04-15T12:35:00.000-07:00

The Republicans are upset. Gosh, no one saw this coming. So, Fox News is really just a bunch of right wing morons with a cable news show to spout their tripe to the masses. Gosh, I'm shocked. Angry Republicans have figured out how to utilize blogs and Twitter. Okay, this, I'm actually a little impressed. Good job.

Before I get any Tea Party Activists with upgraded Google-fu commenting, I'll state this very clearly: I do not agree with you. This is an entire post about how I believe you are wrong. I am not, however, saying you should not protest. I will always believe in the freedom of speech and the right to protest, even when I do not agree. Especially when I don't agree, because that's what our country is fucking about. Don't you all feel distinctly American carrying your protest signs? Are you enjoying standing up to a government you don't believe in? Are you taking the time to enjoy the fact that you aren't getting pelted by stones or arrested just for expressing an opinion? I did.

I'd like you to remember though, that when I protested the Iraq War while my husband was in Iraq that I was called unpatriotic. I was yelled at. I was called Un-American for exercising my right to be angry at my government. I was accused of not supporting the troops. I was even called a liberal whore--and not just once, while I peacefully held my sign up and took my stand. I'd like all of you loud-mouthed Fox News idiots that are backing this protest to remember that when we took to the streets protesting this war, we and our backing politicians were openly mocked, ignored and politically beaten up for being unpatriotic and not backing our president.

I think you're all wrong, not unpatriotic. I'm pleased to have this opportunity to be a bigger person than you are. (I'm not big enough to not point it out, mostly because I'm pretty pissed about the 'whore' comments.)

I also believe that every single one of these protesters have the most convenient memories in the world. My Mister wishes desperately that I had this kind of memory, where the past eight years of so much worse just . . . magically doesn't exist. It amazes me that these people honestly believe it's President Obama's fault. That he isn't just stuck with the biggest fucking mess and is trying to save a country from death throes Select Republicans drove it into. All this complaining about the debt, about the tax cuts, about how much spending our President is doing is making me ill. As if Bush didn't spend his eight year term fucking us into the ground. As if nothing bad ever happened until President Obama took the reins of our wildly out-of-control bucking bronco Texa-fied country. Amazing. Amazingly uneducated and amazingly blind.

One more time: Uneducated, not Un-American. I believe that in America, you can be as stupid as you would like to be. Please stop taking advantage of that, though, because I saw a protest sign that had misspelled Barack.

Rule #1 of protesting: Don't make your cause look stupid while protesting.

If anyone feels like I'm making fun of them, it's because I am. There's pictures farther down, if you'd like to scroll. I think this is foolish. I think that it is so, so hilarious to watch the people who were, three years ago, enjoying that ride on the high horse. Wasn't it fun? Wasn't it just hilarious to mock liberals who were gnashing their teeth about the war, who were terrified of the direction their country was headed in? Wasn't it so, so funny to mock them when they started crying 'Recession! Recession!'? Did you enjoy that?

Chicken Little my ass.

And now all the people that were so smug, so secure, are standing on the street corners that have been vacated by the liberals and the whole fucking mess starts in the other direction. I, for one, will endeavor to not be smug, to not be overly rude. But I'll be a little rude, because when I was using my right to publicly disagree with my government, I was called a liberal whore.

I understand that a lot of people are Very Upset about taxes. I also understand that we're in a recession, unemployment is sky-rocketing and the phrase 'Second Depression' has become the boogeyman half-stepping out of our closets. I'm scared too. I worry too. Everybody is worried. I understand that it's pretty easy to focus on the day-to-day and blame whoever is in charge right now for our problems. But that will make you wrong.

No debate. No arguing. No reasons, no 'but-but-but's'. You. Are. Wrong. Wrong.Wrong.Wrongity-McWrong with an super-size side of Wrong and a Diet Wrong.

President Obama has not even been in office for four months. His people are ping-ponging, terrified and too many getting poorer by the day. The American people are acting like chickens with their collective heads cut off, we are acting like stampeding, panicking cattle and making the entire problem worse. It has never been more true that the masses cannot be trusted with scary information. Stop inciting your neighbor to panic. Stop revolting. Stop watching every second of news and working yourselves up. We have a problem, we have a big problem and as a nation, we ought to be working to make it better, not divide ourselves further and further and start spouting off about revolutions and civil war.

Would you like to know what happens in civil war, Big Talkers? Are you the same people that swore you'd pick up your double-barrel and go shoot Saddam and Bin Laden in the faces yourselves? 'Just gimme a rifle, ha-yuck.'? Here's what happens:

Alexandria, Va Soldier's Cemetery

A lot of fucking dead people, you idiots.

That said, I also think some of your signs are pretty stupid. Let's review!

Racist and totally 1995.

Should be sitting in on an elementary-level Government class, not protesting.

Actually, this is how they felt in 1773. But you're SO close!

Here's the previously-mentioned misspell.

Racism again, quite subtle this time.

Just confused.

. . . really?

Hey, more racism! Awesome!

This guy's just cool.

Also, I am stealing Anderson Cooper from Q. That is all.

My Scott and Jean

2009-03-30T00:30:00.000-07:00

Alert Nerd is hosting an all blogs cross-posting about our Scott and Jean that is all Sarah's fault. And as I've mostly-recovered from the mortifying shame of writing this post and haven't let myself think about people reading this yet (. . . fuck.), I can tell you she had an awesome idea. Thanks to Dan Faust (dude, you thought you were the crackpot? Just WAIT.) for discussing his Scott and Jean on Twitter to start the whole thing.

What the hell is a 'My Scott and Jean'?

The Background: Such an awesome theme could only have been birthed on Twitter. Simply put, when someone says “that’s my Scott and Jean,” it essentially means “that’s my geek sacred cow.” It’s the issue/coupling/whatever that you pretty much can’t discuss because you are too passionate about it and it makes you too crazy. You might hear perfectly reasonable arguments against said coupling/issue/whatever, but you cannot process them. It’s like That One Thing. It could be something like “Scott Summers and Jean Grey are supposed to be together and that is just how it is.” Or maybe “the new Battlestar Galactica does not exist for me because it is not the old Battlestar Galactica.” Or “The only correct portrayals of Batman are the ones that contain X, Y, and Z.” You get the idea. It’s your nerd mental block.

Please go check out everyone else's Scott and Jean's, which you can find Alert Nerd's Master List. There'll be more links as the day goes on, so don't forget to check back. And Sarah wrote that Background summary. Clearly--mine would've been rambling, incoherent and five paragraphs long.

Now that you know what the hell I'm blogging about, here it is:

My Scott and Jean

Spike Shouldn't Have Gotten Souled or: Oh God, I'm So Pathetic.

Giving Spike a soul was a completely useless plot point and that's why it bothers me. The soul bothers me because it's there--it doesn't change Spike, it doesn't exist to give Spike a reason to give a shit about people because he already was. I honestly can't see how him gaining an official Angel Soul would be better than forcing him to work through being a screwed up way overly-emotional vampire--even WHILE understanding the facts of the situation, I Just Don't Agree. It wouldn't have made him less devoted to Fred when he shifted over to Angel, it wouldn't have stopped him from giving a shit about Jerry in his recent mini-series, it existed to give the network and viewers a reason to justify him. It exists because people needed it to, not because the characters needed to. It exists because Buffy needed it to exist so he could play an integral role in fighting the Biggest Evil That Ever Did Evil (Hurrah!) in the next season and continue on and I know his creator WROTE IT and I getitIgetitbutyou'reallstillwrong.

I originally had that paragraph at the end, but at the last minute decided to summarize and then expand. Feel free to not read the mortifying expansion.

So welcome to my Domain of Doom, wherein you get a terrifying glimpse of my younger, kind of creepy side. There's something wrong and demented inside of me and it's all Joss Whedon's fault.

Spike didn't occur to me when I agreed, because I put the crazy in a box and leave it there. After realizing I was probably going to need to branch out of comics to find my Scott and Jean, I felt the dread. I tried not to do Spike being souled. I was convinced I could . . . maybe bend the rules a bit and find my knock-off Scott and Jean. Something else had to come really close to My Spike Issue, close enough to call it a fair shot.

Alas. I was wrong.

Buffy is the reason I got seriously into Geeky Things. I'd always liked the Treks and had read comic books lazily throughout childhood, but it was ultimately Buffy that did it. Specifically Spike, because I was on a mission to find more tortured and sexy villains for my brain to eat. The first piece of television I recorded was 'School Hard', because I saw him in a promo somewhere for the episode and just . . . snap. There. Loved him. Was so excited I figured out how to record something on our VCR. I watched that tape more times than one of my teenaged-male classmates re-watched the shitty porn tape he stole from his dad/brother/uncle/store.

I was crushed when it occurred to me that he was just a one-time character that I'd never have again. I actually spent a month inventing story lines during math and science class to bring him back in. I wrote outlines for fanfiction before I knew what fanfiction was. I couldn't put my finger on it, I didn't really care for short, white-blond mouthy vampire-types, but him . . .

He was hot. Smoking freaking hot and my little sixteen year-old self couldn't help herself. He was also clearly really fucking broken and had a hot crazy lady vampire cooing at him in weird sing-song. Beautiful!!

Then, the most fantastic thing happened. The character kept showing up and oh, oh it made me so very happy. Scott and Jean level happy. When I found out he was shifted to Regular Cast status in season four, I was delirious. More Spike. More greatness--more of his snark and darkness and rudeness and betrayals and hurts laid out for me to enjoy. Yay!

I adored the way they chipped him and progressed his character. His back story was so fascinating and the more that was revealed about him, the more I loved him and how fucked up he was. He was this not-quite-right soulless--and therefore evil--monster surrounded by true heroes and watching him deal with that was some of the best TV watching I'll ever experience.

The bickering with Giles? Beautiful. Watching him slowly unravel everything he'd built himself on, tame for humans and so resentful. Watching him be controlled and broken by the chip. Watching a villain become a non-villain, become an anti-hero.

Then it came. Season Six. And it started . . . oh, it started so beautifully for Spike. He was tortured, grieving, desperate and terribly devoted. So perfect. I liked it even when he and Buffy started working on their private, building demolishing workout routines, which is an event that split most Spike fans in half. Not me--I continued on blithely, and I didn't care that it was Buffy. They were using him to complement Buffy and her main storyline. I got that and it didn't make total unsense for Spike to want to repeatedly cut himself on her.

But then . . . then he went all fucking wrong, tried to rape Buffy in an attempt to get her to love him, realized what he'd done and went to earn his soul. I wish he hadn't gone there. I wish the writers hadn't gone there with him. I think they were Wrong, Wrong, Wrong. And from there on out, my heart would always be a little bit broken.

(As I Edit Note: I'm going to point out here, very loudly and emphatically, that my problem is that the character went down the road to attempting to rape Buffy and thus requiring him to get a soul to remain an empathetic and desired character on the show. My problem is that they didn't let his character naturally progress--or, more appropriately, that I don't SEE that it's a natural progression. If the last few episodes of him in season six just hadn't happened, this wouldn't be an unhappy Scott and Jean. I'm not discussing him getting souled as a result of what he did, I'm discussing that they went to getting him all souled up)

I don't hate the result of what they did, but I hate what they did. I like the Souled Spike stuff, it's good stuff. Especially crazy, hanging himself on a cross Spike. Great character stuff. Just . . . I kind of ignore he's got a soul in Angel. I've actually mentally retconned the last few Spike-centric stuff in the eps of season six. Why?

Spike. Should. Be. Soulless.

Spike. Should. Be. Soulless.

No. Really. Spike should be soulless.

I like it when monsters gain a redemption they shouldn't have. I think it's fan-fucking-tastic to watch something twisted and terrible gain the burden of empathy and regret. And he was gaining it right up until-ARGH. Fuck. FUCK. I hate that he went and got souled. I HATE IT SO MUCH. I hate that you, America, needed to soul something to find redemption value in it, and ruined my Spike. That's right. Mine. Or, uh, Whedon and Co.'s. Whatever. It's not stalking if he's not real, dammit.

(As I Edit Note: I desperately tried to restrain myself to 'Normal People Crazy' in the writing of this piece. I've failed. Terribly. You have my sincerest apologies for that.)

I want Spike to be soulless because that's what makes sense. In the end, it turns out the Slayer mojo is DEMON ESSENCE WHATEVER, so why can't Spike be the most broken vampire that ever did vamp and retain some of that from his days as human. That was one of my Spike Theories, you know, that he was fuckered because it was crazy Dru that turned him and not Angel, because the network can't handle man-on-man biting. Or maybe it was Whedon and Company. Anyway, going through the point of making him souled ruined everything I felt they'd been building towards with him. Shut up, I know, the show was about Buffy.

But why couldn't Spike well . . . create his own soul? Because he already was anyway--did everyone forget late season 5 and early season 6 during their 'Spike is an Evil, Nasty Boy in Need of Spa-souling' lectures?'. It was like all of a sudden everyone remembered that technically, he shouldn't be able to do all the things he's doing because he's an evil soulless monster and that's not what Buffy's supposed to be about. Why couldn't his story be about the weird fucking ways we're all broken, the different ways of being an outcast, why couldn't he have found his moral code while in a group of hormonal teenage heroes? Whyyyyyy?

I'd always felt that Joss Whedon was sitting there back during the Buffy days, thinking about Spike and what to do about him with a vague sense of 'Fuck, I just let this character get completely away from me, what do I do with him?'.

I SAW A QUOTE THIS WEEK THAT CONFIRMED PART OF WHAT I ALWAYS THOUGHT-GO LOOK.

(As I Edit Note: I'm so sorry that sentence was in all caps.)

But that's what Spike's been about from day one. He shouldn't have been able to do any of the stuff he's done, but he's Spike, so he made a way. The character is out of control, goes with his first instinct and just does, but he's got this deep capacity for love and loyalty and RARGH. I felt like he was finding his dark, confused way to his 'soul' right up until he went OOC Batshit Nutbar and did a series of terrible things before motoring off in the night and getting skin-fucked by bugs for said soul.

The soul feels so obvious. I wailed 'No!' when the demon first announced Spike had gained his soul. The cycle BROKE in the evolution of his character, even if it looks like it didn't break at all. Yes, yes, soul to no soul to soul again LOOKS like a wheel, but really, it's a flat wheel. Much like the ones I keep getting on my Neon.

So there, my Scott and Jean, my sacred cow. My utter complete nuttiness. I hope you've all thoroughly enjoyed a glimpse at my Nutbar Crazy.

And, because Sexy Suspenders is my newest obsession, I'd like to connect Spike to Suspenders in two (. . . or is it three? Does he count as the first degree?) degrees.

Spike, played by James Marsters, who played Captain John Hart in Torchwood with Captain Jack Harkness, who wears suspenders. Which counts, because the game of Six Degrees is applicable everywhere.

Conversations With My Mother

2009-03-28T10:55:00.000-07:00

I'm very close with my mother. It has never been the sitcom-fantasy relationship and neither of us have ever wanted it to be. For one, I stopped listening to her properly when I was three. Two, she apparently can't ever understand what the fuck I'm talking about. And three, I am her least favorite (out of two, so at least I'm not further down the rungs). Conversations like this are why.

My sainted, forgetful mother emails me wanting to know the details of her watching the kids for the upcoming ECCC. These are details I've already told her about six times starting many moons ago. I email her back, tease her about it a bit and say yes. She tells me she forgot and asks when. I reply with this:

That's why they make pencils and papers and calendars!! :P Friday morning at 7ish, let me figure out if he wants the whole weekend off from life before class starts up again Monday, but definitely Sunday night where I'll pick them up at a convenient time of your choosing Monday morning before you two need to be at work.

I feel as if this is mostly plain English, considering she knows all the details and who I mean when I say 'he'. But this is the way I've always spoken to my Mom.

Always.

Her reply is succinct:

Why is it that you speak another language? That made no sense to me at all! Are you saying friday at 7ish AM? Please to speak "momese"

She wounds me deeply and I inform her so. I also tell her 'yes, Friday' and remind her I've always talked like this. In turn, she comments on how 'no wonder no one knows what the hell you're talking about' and also, she'd like to know what time Friday. Yes. Even though I've already told her, twice now, she's asked me again. And apparently she's never understood me.

I feel like my answer sums up our entire relationship perfectly:

Comment 7-7:30? Je vais mettre des beignes et du café comme un pot de vin, si vous le souhaitez. Je t'aime aussi, maman.

No, Mom can't read French. And yes, I just used Google Translation. I don't remember a lot of my French but I'm pretty sure I asked her if I could put pastries and coffee in the wine jug. She will hopefully never find out I've blogged this conversation. I love you, Mom. Please don't friend me on Facebook.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his. ~Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest, 1895

Girls Will Be Girls

2009-03-27T09:39:00.000-07:00

The as-natural-as-possible differences between the sexes is interesting, and having both a son and a daughter gives me the chance to check it out first hand. We have a few rules here to keep the peace at The Manor regarding Bug and Sweet Potato, and the biggest one is that aside from stuffed animals they go to bed with, everyone's toys are everyone's toys. This means if Sweet Potato is in the mood to do some Matchbox Car Zooming she can, and if Bug's dearest wish is to play with her tea party set, he can. I do my best not to control or interfere with their play, I just let them figure out what they want to do with the toys they have and so long as there's no blood, bruising, cage fighting or screaming involved, I'm okay with it. With most their toys it doesn't seem to matter at all if it's supposed to be a 'girl' toy or a 'boy' toy. Except stuffed animals.

Bug's never been all that interested in stuffed animals or dolls--he has a Sock Monkey named Happy (inspired by Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium), a wind-up cow named Moo, Super-Bunny, Spider-Bear and another monkey we call Monkey. He goes through phases where he's very attached to one and then goes through others where they stay haphazardly piled on his bed, pretty much forgotten.

Sweet Potato has gone an entirely different route. She has a baby doll (my least favorite Christmas present from my Grandmother that she latched onto immediately) aptly named Baby, a Care Bear she calls 'T.T.' for whatever reason, a stegosaurus and my Carebear from my childhood, B.T. (for Baby Tugs, dude.) Every morning she hands them to me to hold for her, then toddles around the house with one, two, three or all clutched in her chubby little arms. She always takes them into nap with her. If one is missing, she'll call for them and make me help her find it. They always get tucked in with her at official bedtime, they always get kisses from the both of us.

It's a pretty traditionally 'girly' thing she does which I've found to be both hilarious and interesting. I'm feminine, but not girly. The only jewelry I consistently wear is my wedding ring, while Sweet Potato piles on her costume jewelry and parades around the house. I do my makeup and she's always shown way more interest in the process than Bug does, and I constantly find her in her room playing dress-up. Also, dude, a parasol is one of her staple wardrobe accessories.

It's cute, it's sweet, and if it weren't for the fact that she burps like a man, I'd've been a little more concerned I was raising a future cheerleader. This morning, any and all peppy girly-girl worries were swept away when I discovered she wasn't just displaying an honest affection for her stuffies, she was arming herself.

The Weapon

I finally caught one of the louder altercations they've been having in the playroom (they wait until I'm on the other side of the house to go UFC on each other and then act like spies and tell me nothing). She's been whacking Bug with her stuffies while unleashing her admirable level 5 Capuchin Monkey Screech to stun him.

That's my girl.

Harley Quinn

2009-03-16T15:29:00.001-07:00

I know she's never left all that much to the imagination, but . . .

Compare the looks of Joker and Harley Quinn in the upcoming Arkham Asylum.

I wonder when it'll be okay to not super-sex everything up for the male video gamers? I understand the desire to see sexy women ('cause gosh, they aren't anywhere else!), but when is there going to be a middle road? Or just a basic understanding that 'sexy' doesn't need to mean 'falling out of their shirts while their pants fall down'?

Pretty sure that's not too much to ask.

Possibly Maybe Coming Soon On Geeked . . .

2009-03-16T14:33:00.000-07:00

Jim Cramer on The Daily Show

2009-03-13T15:44:00.000-07:00

I think it's extremely important for everyone to watch this interview. And then go research everything they didn't understand, and watch it again. All of us should know what's going on here and the underlying problem in our economy and why you/spousegirlfriendboyfriendsisterbrotherauntunclemotherfatherfriendetc lost your/their job.

And I love Jon Stewart for doing this and being as damned clever and educated as he is.

Format What? or: it's cute because i think you may care

2009-03-02T14:42:00.000-08:00

Last week, an email from a friend got me thinking about blogging and the internet and all the things that come along with that. As I was writing the reply (er, still in draft, note to self), I came to a nice mental place about Geeked that I've been wandering about in aim of since I got the internet back.

One of the things I dread is being one of those Repetitive Bloggers, who discusses the same topic everyone else is (important note: I mean topic and not 'issue', since I like to learn the opinions of the bloggers I like to read) and generally doesn't have anything new or interesting to say about it. Maybe funny, but I'm unreliably funny to everyone not myself, which clearly won't work for us in the long run. I feel like the people I already consistently read say it the best and I don't need to echo them. That's boring. I am not, however, a personal blogger. Yes, I talk about my kids, but you guys aren't hearing about my lifelife, just the funny, edited parts. (Don't worry, the cut scenes are just eight hours of rehearsal for the Good Moments), because I don't like the idea that people I may never meet know Too Personal Things about me.

That's what email's for these days, I suppose, though the transition is weird.

Also, I'm busy, thanks to both my children knowing how to walk, talk and how to burn the house down. And Bug''s quite the clumsy-but-determined New Reader, so I'm trying to learn how to share my comic books with him. If you're curious, sharing is exhausting. I don't recommend endorsing it, just buy the little complainers their own damned toy/snack/book/minion. Sharing is for losers.

Don't tell my kids. And, uh, support your local library.

I want to write about the things I'm focused on and not feel as if I have to keep to one certain track--even if it's a self-imposed track and nothing more--so that's what I'll be doing.

You might be asking yourself now, 'Well, that point took forever to get to, but okay. So?'

Er, so. Expect different not-all-comics-related content and stuff from this chick geek's perspective, because, well, I have a lot of geeky paraphernalia scattered around the house and also breasts. On me, though, not really scattered around the house. Unless you count the two roommates. Also, probably some kid-related-geeky things, because that's one part of the I don't feel like I see enough around the internet. Having a sounding board for that as well as hearing back from other geek mom bloggers would be fun. And STILL hearing from the people I hear from before (insert: nonsubtle push not to abandon me and give me issues). I'm going to be making an effort to post daily, since it does help me focus and push my energies into one direction, which helps for getting other things done so far as writing or not throttling other humans.

I can definitely assure you that it'll all be of a Geek Content, in one direction or another, and I really appreciate all ten of you out there reading my nonsense. Every week I sacrifice a Teen Titan in your honor.

Small Print: By no means do I consider this post 'Breaking News'. I feel like the entire thing reads like an 'I AM SO IMPORTANT AND I KNOW YOU'VE BEEN DEVASTATED WITHOUT ME' ego-wank. I wrote it mostly because I know that I have like, uh, five readers I don't know personally and I feel no matter the numbers if one is writing for public viewing, one has a small measure of 'hey, this is what I'm doing now' sort of fence to keep standing. Or something like that. Basically, it's important for you to know I'm not a self-important asshat.

A Love Story for the Ages

2009-02-25T21:29:00.000-08:00

a love story

imaginationed by: x. "bug" wright
camera: kristina wright

Let it be known, for when Bug breaks into one industry or another, I'm the one that gave him his nickname. Enjoy life today.

Edit: Also, head over to Reason Is Treason and prepare to ENJOY it! Wicked Juan, I really love what you're doing with your blog right now.

This Week's Read Pile, or: Economy Sucks

2009-02-05T11:32:00.000-08:00

First, did everyone pick up a copy of Locke and Key #2? Yes? Good. And how did everyone enjoy I Kill Giants? I know, right?!

Moving on, there's no specific comic review, since the economy blows and I opted to buy an AWESOME Megatron Mighty Mugg instead of my books (there was like, four this week anyway, I've cut back). And a copy of Mini Marvels: Secret Invasion with all art done by Chris Giarrusso. You and your kids will LOVE it, I highly recommend picking this up. Very clever, well done, funny and awesomely kid-friendly while still being entertaining for the Moms and Dads out there.

--spoilers for both Final Crisis and Secret Invasion, just in case you're that behind and there's also some spoilers (maybe?) about Batman Stuff--

So, I've been thinking about Final Crisis 'versus' Secret Invasion since we're pretty much all wrapped up on both now and the dust is . . . well, in some cases, still working on settling.

I think Secret Invasion did a better job. I don't think that Final Crisis did a bad job. I think that readers, when reading anything written by Grant Morrison, are intensely aware of all the levels he writes on. It's intimidating, even to people who 'get it'. It's awesome and brilliant. But readers are still going to be intimidated because they know how much they don't understand--there's a lot going on in these books, it isn't like Secret Invasion, where for the most part, what you read is what's going on and the themes and subplots and meaning behind it is pretty much out in front. This isn't to say it's simple, or written down, it's just a blunter style.

To approach my point, some people tend to react negatively when they're put in a situation where they feel stupid. Having to reread a series to 'get it' is frustrating for some and a treat for others. Remember how we're all different? Thought you might. This is what went 'wrong' with Final Crisis. In the fan's eyes, they feel it didn't cater to them since if you read such and such and so-and-so and what's-a-who-from-ten-years-ago it makes it a richer, deeper reading experience. Our wallets are a wee bit tight now and the idea of needing to buy four or so trades to feel 'complete' ticks people off. Even if Morrison said, repeatedly, 'No, seriously, you DON'T need to read all that if you don't want to', people felt forced by it, and this is in part a fault of all the 'tie-ins' to big event series. It's a form of 'event exhaustion' where people feel like they should have to pay for a few different books to get a complete view and while a good amount (shockingly good amount, actually) were really relevant, awesome tie-ins, some just weren't. Same goes for Secret Invasion, by the way, though they also did a pretty good job keeping it all relevant so far as I noticed.

Note: I absolutely think that you already should've owned those trades by Morrison.

It's interesting to watch people say 'Well, dude, nothing changed in Final Crisis and everything is different in Secret Invasion. Clearly Secret Invasion is the superior event'. I wonder if these are the same people who spend hours detailing why Star Wars/Star Trek is better than Star Trek/Star Wars.

Uh? What series are they reading? Aquaman's back (DUDE, THE AQUAMAN), Batman's lost in time, Superman can totally kick your ass doing Rock Band vocals, the Monitors are gone which means that the entire multiverse is going on completely unchecked, Mary Marvel sees the same flaws with Awesome Punky Hair that I do, Hawkgirl might love Hawkman this next time (I'd guiltlessly blackmarket my roommate's kidneys to be in a position to write that series, or maybe a 360), Barry Allen's back, the New Gods are gone-for-now-or-ever? and Martian Manhunter is dead. I probably missed some stuff as well, but that's what I can drum up off the top of my head.

But, when all the coins drop, I think that Secret Invasion delivered faster on the 'epic, world-changing totally-worth-your-cash event' than Final Crisis did. I like Final Crisis better, but in the end--and maybe it's the economy as well--people were frustrated by feeling like they needed Morrison's backstory, feeling like they needed to get absolutely everything in every issue to feel like they got their money's worth. It's easier to do with Secret Invasion, because like I wrote before, it's blunter.

If Morrison had written Secret Invasion, that's the one I would've liked better. I'll give you a minute to wrap your brain around the possibilities of that comic. I just love his stuff and all this Super Duper Hate for him is pretty silly. Which makes me think about Morrison's many Final Crisis related interviews, the tones and his opinions on the book, what he was trying to do with the book and so on, which leads to cutting some fans off because Morrison doesn't try to make excuses for writing what he wrote and isn't subtle about his frustration at having to explain the same thing a few different times. Is there a Morrison Remix out there, a la Christian Bale? Please?

People forget that it's actually okay not to get something completely, or they just aren't comfortable with knowing that, frankly, they're Not As MultiSmart As This Guy--this is a really deep story but on every single level, even the most shallow, there is a complete storyline being told. I really don't know a lot of writers who can do this. Alan Moore.

All in all, Secret Invasion and Final Crisis both really knocked it out of the park for me, and considering all the crap that I, and everyone else, are worried about right now: job, houses, cars, the future, having two wicked excellent stories shaking up the Worlds As We Knew Them for Marvel and DC is exactly what we needed.

Amusingly enough, I'm more excited about Marvel titles than I have been since they dropped the ball on the awesome No More Mutants deal a few years back. Expect to see more Marvel reviewed/discussed/whatevered here than before, so as far as my wallet's concerned, Secret Invasion succeeded. I went into the series making fun of SkrullsSkrullsSkrulls and left it being pretty impressed and satisfied with the results.

And here's hoping that both companies follow through on the punches those storylines delivered, because that's the real reason people get so goddamn amped up about them online. It's not the story, it's the effects of the story. We want new, we want it to stay the same, we want completely different we want it all safe and old we want we want wewantwewant. God, I'm glad I'm not Joe Quesada or Dan Didio. I'd've shot the lot of you and then made you apologize for it on national television.

So here's hoping people stop being such douchebags about one company or the other (I write, knowing full and well I'm still snotty over the Spider-Man Thing). For instance: Morrison announced on his part two Final Crisis Exit Interview at Newsarama that he's back on Batman in June (also, funny dig at DC about Batman's 'death')--and that he wants to write a multiverse story that may be out around 2010. Immediately the commenters disregarded all the events in the upcoming Battle of the Cowl event. Which is stupid. You're reading an action drama, people, isn't it all about the story and the awesome one-two punches? How is Battle of the Cowl in anyway obsolete just because Morrison is taking the reins back this summer? We all already know Batman's trapped in the past somewhere--what's important and awesome is that everyone thinks he's dead. What'll be cool to see is where everyone goes with that, how his boys change and what happens to Gotham in the meantime.

And in sticking with my New Years Resolution to approach things less fatalistically, I'm going to let my hopes puff up and see where they go with it. And this is an intensely mentally drifting post, since I'm still getting into my comic-writing-habits.

This whole spiel, by the way, was inspired by an awesome post that Jeff over at Alert Nerd wrote and posted this morning. Go there!

You Were Packing Your Car

2009-01-26T11:28:00.000-08:00

Today I ran an early morning errand in downtown Tacoma and was contemplating the $5,000 damages our wood floors sustained during the Inauguration Day Flooding. More specifically, I was forcing myself to look at the bright side of things and contemplating what sort of wood color was going to replace the old and what sort of tile to put into the kitchen, which would've eventually led to fantastic imaginings of me redoing all the kitchen cupboards myself in a majestic show of Homeowner Ability (I'm almost to level 5!).

I heard the man first, talking about rough times in the economy and sighed to myself in agreement, then saw him. Older, balding and nicely dressed but wearing a bitter, tired face and packing a box stuffed with plaques, papers, a stapler and a small sepia globe into the back seat of his car. He was talking to someone who'd walked down with him, then wondered aloud how he'd thought everything wouldn't fit into his car.

And that was the saddest part--he'd imagined taking his entire life down the elevator and jamming it into his car and instead ended up looking at two tiny boxes, stuffed to the gills but not nearly enough evidence of the job he'd lost. The life.

What a terrible thing to be doing this early on a freezing Monday morning and I immediately felt guilty for stressing out about my floors when I can actually still afford to get them replaced. My floors won't fit in my car and for that, I'm glad.

Shayan's Law or: How'd You Like To Pay Out Of Pocket For All Your Doctors?

2009-01-23T11:40:00.000-08:00

You want to know something that's really awesome? When I take Bug to his doctor visits regarding his Asperger's (high functioning autism), I only have to pay around $200 a visit. I'm lucky, because his autism is high functioning and the free programs via his school system plus work I'm able to do from home are enough to get him along every day and help him succeed.

There are families out there with children who have autism far more severe than Bug, who pay thousands a month for their treatment. Because Washington State does NOT require any insurance coverage for Autism Spectrum Disorder treatment. Which means all costs--the expensive doctors: the main doctor, the speech therapist, the behavioral therapist, play therapy and even medication, comes straight out of parent's already-tight pockets (Thanks economy!).

People have been forced to move out of their homes to be able to afford treatment for their children, which is absolutely monstrous. Treatment these kids thrive on, treatments that help them adjust and succeed in every day life are seen as 'optional', I've met doctors who give LESS of a damn about what they do because they think they won't get paid and some parents aren't able to get their kids the aid they need at all because of the cost.

Some very excellent and hard-working people have put together Shayan's Law, and passing it will mean insurance companies must cover ASD treatment in our state. This cause is a very near and dear one to my heart, as it directly affects not just my own family, but tons of other wonderful people across the state. If you guys could take ten minutes today to show your support for us, yourselves and other people you know, that'd be wonderful. I don't really do this kind of thing often, but it's extremely important this law gets passed and what better platform to turn to than you guys?

Thanks, all, we really appreciate it (and just to note, the phone script isn't mine).

Two Ways You Can Help

By Phone: Make nine brief calls to the Senate health care committee members' offices and read them the following script:

Hi. My name is _____________. I live in ______, and I want to ask you a favor. I have/know a (child/grandchild/godson with autism) or (am a teacher/ therapist of a child with autism), and I would like for you to vote yes!!! for Shayan's Law-Senate Bill 5203, when you hear it next Wed. Jan. 28th. Shayan's law provides medically necessary treatments for autism. Please vote 'yes' on this bill.

Karen Keiser, Chair: (360) 786-7664

Rosa Franklin, Vice Chair: (360) 786-7656

Randi Becker: (360) 786-7602

Cheryl Pflug: (360) 786-7608

Darlene Fairley: (360) 786-7662

Chris Marr: (360) 786-7610

Ed Murray: (360) 786-7628

Linda Evans Parlette: (360) 786-7622

Margarita Prentice: (360) 786-7616

If the Legislator or Legislative Aide asks for more information about the bill, refer him or her to Arzu Forough, Arzu@WashingtonAutismAdvocacy.org

In Person: Show your support by attending this important hearing, doors close at 7:45 a.m., Jan. 28th, in Hearing Room 4 at the J.A. Cherburg Building, State Capitol Campus - or, if you can't make it in person, ask someone to come in your place. Consider your friends, family, DOH employees, acquaintances who work on the capitol campus or neighbors who have asked "how can I help?" - here's a way they can: Ask them to spare an hour or two of their time to come and stand for your family.

Solutions At Hand Or: My Seven Things

2009-01-22T12:53:00.000-08:00

I have a spectacular Day of the Flood post that I'm still working on, and have been groping for Non-Spoiler Posts to make in the inbetween time, and while this may not be comics or amusing Flooded House Stories, it's still extremely fascinating.

Because it's all about me.

Seriously though, I got tagged by this awesome guy and there's no earthly way I can deny him, so here we go!

Seven Things I Think You Don't Know

The rules are as follows:

Link to your original tagger(s) and list these rules in your post.
Share seven facts about yourself in the post.
Tag seven people at the end of your post by leaving their names and the links to their blogs.
Let them know that they have been tagged.

1. I absolutely cannot sing a note. At all. Even my children are reluctant for lullabies from me--it's why they get five books each night. My son's asked me to stop more than once.

2. I coached my daughter to say 'Obama' before 'Mom'. And was successful. (Only one person knows this story, so it counts!)

3. I do mean things to my roommates to cheer myself up or make myself laugh. Like, watch them spend half an hour unsuccessfully searching for something that I know the location of. Maybe me being an ass isn't news, though.

4. Every night I check on the kids while they're sleeping, at the same time and in the same manner. If I don't, I actually can't get to sleep. (Healthy!!)

5. I have a very difficult time asking for help. I know how to change my car's oil, a flat tire, brake pads, flush the system, replace any and all fluids, identify the 'clunkity-clunkity' noise ONLY because I refuse to have to call someone from the side of the highway for help. I am also pretty handy around the house for the same reason. Unless it floods, then I panic and stab recliners with a big, sharp knife (more on this in my next post).

6. I was thrown out of the entire Seattle public school system in my freshman year of high school and had to go to private school for the remaining three years. There was illegal contraband (bottle of vodka) in my locker and I got caught skipping class about eight gajillion times. Also, I was a dick, so the principal made an example out of me and sent me off to terrorize the Baptists.

I still don't blame her.

7. I eat peanut butter with dark chocolate chips sprinkled in like it's crack. I actually had a jar of it, premixed, in my car for 'emergencies'. Like, oh, traffic. You may have seen me on 1-5, waving a spoon threateningly at the car in front of me. And no, I'm not always smart enough to remember to keep a bottle of water in the car.

Which reminds me, I need to go buy myself another jar and bag of chocolate chips.

There! Wasn't that informative, fun and made me a thousand times more awesome?

I am tagging:

Everyone who wants to do it.

Only because I: 8. Don't like to ask people to do things for me. Which may just fall into 5.

If you do, though, I'd totally love to read it--leave a comment and lemme know.

The Many Adventures of Girl Dog Watermelon

2009-01-12T11:32:00.000-08:00

We got our kids a dog, since our very large yard was terribly lonely. Bug's very wisely named her Girl Dog Watermelon (but it's just Watermelon for short). Within the first week living with us she took out all the other puppy competition by biting the eyes off every stuffed dog we owned.

Clearly she was born to be a member of the family.

And also:

Did you know it's a terrible idea to lose your internet card?

It is. All kinds of very terrible things happen, like you disappear off the face of the map: no blogging, no Twitter, no email or newsfeeds or comic book information or anything. When you're cheap, it's even worse, because your entire house gets ripped apart (and subsequently rearranged) in the attempts to find the damned thing because shelling out the cash for a brand new one that you only need because you're a dolt is physically painful.

But, because it was driving me absolutely mad, I was missing everyone terribly and getting ten minutes of free internet from the library was proving to be an impossible task, roughly three months or so later I've finally broken down and bought a brand new one, which means as soon as the return policy runs out I'll find the runaway. Which is virtually impossible, dammit, since I've looked everywhere but beneath the floor boards, but it'll still happen.

So, hello internet! I got a lot of really nice emails (thank you so much) that I'll be replying to throughout the week and expect to get comments on a bunch of your older posts as I start working my way through. I hope everyone had an excellent holiday season, and now my new internet card is attached to a keyring finder beeper thing.

The technical name clearly escapes me at the moment.

So, tell me what's been going on! What have I missed, how were your holidays, what's new and fantastic that replaces out the old and terrible? All sorts of things, please save me from months of catching up.

And hello!

Some Things Always Make Me Feel Better

2008-09-06T13:39:00.000-07:00

pity this busy monster,manunkind,

not. Progress is a comfortable disease:
your victime(death and life safely beyond)

plays with the bigness of his littleness
--electrons deify one razorblade
into a mountainrange;lenses extend

unwish through curving wherewhen till unwish
returns on its unself.
A world of made
is not a world of born-pity poor flesh

and tress,poor stars and stones,but never this
fine specimen of hypermagical
ultraomnipotence. We doctors know

a hopeless case if-listen;there's a hell
of a good universe next door;let's go

-e.e. cummings

'plays with the bigness of his littleness' is going to be my phrase for the week.

Books That Look Good (or not) And Other Cool Stuff

2008-09-03T08:47:00.000-07:00

You all may have noticed my suspicious lack of presence in The Stop (and maybe moreso online), The Stop's lack of Friday will be status quo until Bug's schedule settles in and everything smooths back out again here, but never fear, I'm back up and running online as of this morning after a really nice impromptu vacation at Whidbey Island. Bossman has apparently rapidly replaced me with another assistant, who may or may not be me in disguise (ignore how she is far too petite and how there's now way I can Slaveen myself into her skin). You all should be very nice to her, because she's awesome.

But if you love her too much, I'll have to hunt each and every one of you down and make you suffer. Just a note.

Moving on!

Angel: After The Fall #12: Well. Gunn certainly is in it, isn't he? This book marks the year-ish anniversary of this book and sometimes I've found myself sliding into the "Why can't I quit you" cliche. The plot's been really slow going--there was a lot of explanation and ground to be made up thanks to us starting with Angel and the Scattered Crew straight in LA. The art's been difficult to maneuver. The character voices are on, though, and they've been on throughout the whole thing.

I think Brian Lynch has to spend a lot of time condensing and slimming the plot a bit and direct the focus of the book a bit better from issue to issue to make just a little more actually happen in each book. After twelve issues, I really don't feel like anything huge has happened except the reveal that Gunn is a vampire, Angel is human (both of which were really early on in the series) and them finally meeting up in the last issue. I know there was that big Lord of the District battle (Waaaaaarriors, come out to plaaaaaaay) but I really didn't give a damn about what the outcome was, other than us finding out about Angel.

Another problem I'm having, and possibly the biggest reason this story is having a hard time sticking in my memory, is that the art is just that off-putting for me. Blast.

Recommendation: All that said, I'm still grabbing it. I love my Dark, Broody Forehead Man. And I'm still saving up for that Puppet. Don't think I've forgotten.

Buffy #18: Fray! Fraaaay. Fray. Fray. Fray. Hey, it's Fray guys. Fray and all her awesome awesomeness! Fray whose hair is completely wicked. Fray. I wish the title was Fray the Vampire Slayer. Even just temporarily for this storyline.

Oh, and that blonde chick what's-her-face. Oh, and that horse girl thing with the completely-obvious-but-still-funny-neigh-neigh-jokes.

Fraaaaaaaay. (Fray).

I'm really pleased Joss is involving Fray, for more than just how wicked much I love Fray. He's addressing the, 'uh, I thought Buffy empowered all potential slayers everywhere and solved the Final Evil Crisis, what the shit is this Fray comic saying about that?' issue. Can I get a yay?

What's that? 'Fray'?

Recommendation: Fray.

Detective Comics #848: This cover is really slick. Totally not a R.I.P. tie-in, but it's Dini, man, so who cares? The story steams up as Hush's master plan leads Batman to save a child from Scarecrow.

I'm really enjoying this--it's Hush, who is fantastic, and it's story development about Hush, which is also fantastic.

Go Team Detective Comics!

Recommendation: On it! Go!

Secret Six #1: Oh, happy goddamn day, it's almost here! I shouldn't even have to pimp this, what the hell people, you're unconvinced? Villains being awesome? Nicola Scott! Gail Simone! Original Simone Character! WHEE. That 'whee' is not sardonic at all, as are almost all my other ones. If you're unconvinced, check out the preview that Newsarama has up. Be convinced and snag it.

DC's solit reads: Because you demanded it! The Secret Six are back in an all-new ongoing series that promises to deliver some of the darkest, most twisted action-adventure the DC Universe has seen since...well, the last time the Secret Six got together! Writer extraordinaire Gail Simone (BIRDS OF PREY) is reunited with BIRDS penciller Nicola Scott to chronicle the adventures of the Six, and you will not believe what they have in store. Join Catman, Scandal, Deadshot, Ragdoll, and ?? as they prepare for an adventure that will take them through a gauntlet across the seediest parts of the DC Universe, and will ultimately pit them against a foe more monstrous and murderous than any they've had to face!

Recommendation: Snaaaaag it, dammit, how is this not totally fantastic? Well, it IS.

Also up this week, but doesn't get a semi-paragraph due to School Starting and House Invasion:

Green Lantern #34: Woot. Seriously, woot. I think I could claw myself out of my skin in anticipation of actually getting to the Great Big Storyline We All Want.

Dynamo 5 #16: My favorite teenaged super-team, hands down. Suck it, McKeever, and thanks for ruining the Teen Titans! /bitter.

Noble Causes #36: I'm also still kind of bitter over the self-cancellation of Noble Causes. I love that Jay Faerber knows when what he's writing doesn't have the same heart it used to, but dammit, I wish it had the same heart it used to. I'm going to miss these guys when they're gone, like woah.

Fringe #1: I heard that the premiere episode wasn't that great, and I'm pretty iffy about non-Whedon comic books that tie into television shows, but that Chuck one wasn't too terrible. I'll give this a decent flip-through and see.

Manhunter #34: It's Manhunter. 'Nuff said.

Nightwing #148: How did this not warrant a full picture? Well, it's a 'R.I.P.' tie-in, and while the issue was good, I was annoyed by the lack of actual tie-in. Isn't Nightwing in an asylum somewheres? Lord. Tomasi, though, yay.

Tank Girl Visions of Booga #4: Tank Girl is so bad ass. I loves me some Tank Girl.

Titans #4: This is clearly an 'or not'. I've restrained mentioning it for like, an issue, so let me take this time again to remind you all what utter crap it is. Someone, tweet when the hell zone for all things Titans is over.

Things That Warrant a Geeked Special Mention:

I Kill Giants #2 is out today, of which you should most definitely be grabbing for yourselves. You'll all be sorry if you don't. 'Nuff said.

Grok Issue #2: Secret Origins from my friends over at Alert Nerd hit the virtual shelves today as well. This is a really well put together geek webzine that's still in its infancy. Not that you can actually tell it's in its infancy, thanks to a few overachievers who do what they love to do and do it damned well. With articles such as I Was a Teenage Letterhack and The Facebook Newsfeed for Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters, as well as others exploring the whys and hows of their geeky origins, finding the extraordinary in the everyday and a tale that involves Star Power and Issues 10-14, you won't find a miss.

Issue 1 can be found here. Give both a read and then head over to to give these guys some props. (the kids still give those, yes? Shut it, Webster, they do NOW.)

Also:

Yeah. That's right. Suck it, haters.

You may all look forward to a Very Special Geeked 90210 Post.

Starting . . . now.

Stir Crazy

2008-08-27T09:26:00.001-07:00

Stop complaining, Dick and let Batman be Fabulous.

It's official: I'm going completely stir-crazy without a car. I have no car. Noooo car. None. No driving for me. No freedom of the open road. No road rage.

Sob.

Instead of sulking, I am going to do several things this week, and to keep myself honest, I'll post my list.

finish up those three sample articles for freelance submission portfolio
firm up proposal and those eight sample pages and email them to artist in potentia
pad resume. like woah.
betray The Stop and hit LCS tonight
work on that Stephanie Meyer Analysis
write 15,000 words in that story you've been ignoring in favor of Twitter

So there. Keep me honest, internets.

Saving Up For Future Therapy One Penny At A Time

2008-08-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

Children are very funny creatures.

Both of mine are still quite young (5 and 1, for those keeping track), and the oldest, Bug, is showing an excellent imagination in things that May Or May Not Be Real.

This suits our family atmosphere fairly perfectly, we love monsters and creepy of all shapes and sizes and are pleased to see this carry onto our children.

He likes to make up monster stories at bedtime and is constantly curious about why their mothers let them run about at night. I have attempted to explain that monsters just prefer to sleep during the day, but he remains unconvinced this is the case.

In Bug Land, there are dozens of monster children running about at midnight with their monster Mamas hot on their trail, eager to put them into time-out. (As a note to other parents out there, I highly recommend My Monster Mama Loves Me So by Laura Leuck.)

Cut to yesterday at roughly noon.

A high-pitched scream breaks into my serene Google Reader check and interrupts baby Lyn Hippo's studious lunchtime nom-nomming (comparable to a massacre of epic proportions). I hear the sliding glass door slam determinedly closed and Bug announce, with no small amount of panic, that they're going to get inside and get us. He proceeds to lock the back door, put the bar down and close the curtains.

I half-expect him to run to the sewing machine to craft black-out curtains or run to the kitchen and arm himself.

I'm trying not to snicker, because I am horrible and haven't ever heard such a panicked, high-toned scream from my son. He's yanking me to the back door, pulling the curtain aside a mere half an inch to stab at the glass in a frantic manner. When I attempt to open the door, he dives for the couch and crawls up to safety, nearly hyperventilating and informing me once more they're going to get in.

The look I get from him makes it clear that in the afterlife, he is going to be blaming me.

"What's going to get in, Bug? I don't see anything."

"The slug, Mama. The SLUG."

". . . what slug?"

His mother's death-inviting blindness trumps fear, and he scrambles off the couch and grabs my hand tightly, braving the potential slaughter and pulling me towards the grass.

"THIS slug," he says, pointing into the grass before climbing up for safety.

The Slug

Bug's never really shown a fear of other bugs/insects/creepy crawlies before, so I frowned down at the slug in question, hefting him higher on my hip as I tried to figure out if this breed had mutated teeth or, perhaps, was brandishing a weapon of some sort. Perhaps it had stolen his Capri Sun and was mocking him with the straw.

". . . it's just a slug, buddy," I told him ruefully, patting his back and heading back to the patio after placing the threat level at Oscar.

"Mom," Bug insisted, expression clear in his belief that he was being raised by That Teenage Girl in the horror movies. You know, the one still wearing her heels in the forest and keeps looking over her shoulder. "Like Slither. It starts with one."

In Bug Land:

And, because I am that parent, I give him a solemn look and reply, "You're right. It does."

Never let it be said my children won't be prepared for the invasion.

Various Rumblings

2008-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

“What we’re doing coming out of ‘Final Crisis’, and I’ll say this here, and I’ll say this everywhere is that we’re locking our characters down. We’re going with a good interpretation, and we’re staying with it. That’s why you don’t see Aquaman right now, because we want it to be clear what it is, who he is and what he’s all about.”

-Dan Didio, DC Nation Panel at Toronto Fan Expo

The entire article is pretty interesting, with some topics coming up that the fans needed addressed on at least some small level. And it got addressed on a level a bit bigger than small and after not hearing from Didio for a few weeks now, to hear him come out of Fan Expo with some strong statements regarding how characters are being handled is really nice.

Here's another bit, when a fan asked why DC was constantly second to Marvel in sales:

Didio took the question as an opportunity to address what he thought was one of his company’s problems over the past few years, which in his words was “My problem with us is that we reboot the characters too much."

“What happens is that if a character doesn’t work, we go, ‘We got a brand new direction to put him in! We’re moving him into something new! We’re going to try something brand new and different! We’re going to throw everything out and start over again!’ We make that mistake, but what that does is, it alienates fans.

“Our biggest mistake is that we don’t continue and build on…what we should be doing is let it sit for a while and then come back with a good strong story with what’s going on. That’s what Geoff [Johns] does. That’s Geoff’s secret weapon. He doesn’t throw it all out and start all over. He builds on what’s existed and makes it better…We get too worried about the minutia…all we should be doing is telling great stories with our characters.

And he's exactly right when he says 'all we should be doing is telling great stories with our characters'. It's precisely right and it is why I like Geoff Johns so much.

So, here's big hopes that we're going to be seeing some follow through in the next year on all the great big story lines coming out of DC--and not just Final Crisis. Seeing DC recognize the great characters they already have and attempt to cut out the shenanigans in favor of stronger writing is exactly what the franchise needs, if you ask me. (Not that, of course, anyone officially did.)

And this, kids, is how you properly quote an article. When things get a nice, thorough read, we can see exactly what Dan was talking about!! It's amazing what a little intelligence can get you.

As for Aquaman . . .

All the ladies love him. He took this as proof for Hal.

Moving on, to another panel coverage article, this time from the Fan Expo DC: A Guide To Your Universe.

Didio confirmed there is not one but two weekly series in the works to follow “Trinity,” that James Robinson is working on a “Justice Society of America” project and that Matt Sturges will be penning a villain centric series that will be announced soon.

What what? What? A villain-centric series? Oh? Yes? Will that give us two villain series for me to read?

Yes, yes it will.

Awesome.

While Trinity has definitely been picking up, the idea of two weekly series terrifies me. But I'm going to be a sucker and go for it, I know I will. There is no hope for me here.

The panel also delved deeply into the Flashes, into how there could be room for all of them and more words regarding Bart's status. Personally, if they handle Bart like he should've been handled from the beginning and fix him, I'll be so very happy. I like all the Flashes, why does there need to be just one(twothree)?

And onto the movies . . .

This concept of banking on fewer, bigger movies from Warner is a great, great idea. Finally, they're saying what smart fans have been saying for years. Darker DC movies is a concept I'm happy to see emerge. I have approximately a little over half a blackened soul, so I quite enjoy Really Dark Things. They don't tend to lose me (brain cells, woot) and I find it a bit more stimulating than the average popcorn flick.

Perhaps I can get an eventual villain-centric movie out of this deal! . . . hm, does Watchmen count?

Regarding the presently nebulous state of the Superman film franchise, Robinov said, "['Superman Returns]’ didn't quite work as a film in the way that we wanted it to. It didn't position the character the way he needed to be positioned. Had 'Superman' worked in 2006, we would have had a movie for Christmas of this year or 2009. But now the plan is just to reintroduce Superman without regard to a Batman and Superman movie at all."

-CBR, via Wall Street Journal

Okay, I liked the damn film. Shut up. But this makes perfect sense to me--it didn't set up Superman as anything more than an interesting personal drama with one bad-ass villain. Yes, shut up, I liked Lex too. But really, hopefully this relaunch goes right into the meat without giving us the bones. We've seen the bones, we want meat! And real meat, please to not turn Superman into an emo kid. Take it from Nolan, there is a brilliant way to utilize dark moods. There is also a very, very terrible way to do it--in other words, don't emulate Smallville.

Pointless picture. I know, but it's funny. Cows eating chickens!

Maybe Kal-El conflicts?

I really wish we could get a Superman/Batman film now, but that's going to have to wait at least four or more years now. Which is the suckage, but at least Warner is attempting to take control of their movies. They want darker and grim, to combat Marvel's set of movies that, while owning serious notes, are definitely not deep thinker films.

It's a smart move--there's merit to both film aspects, as sales for both Iron Man and The Dark Knight evidence. And Warner shouldn't attempt to go head-to-head with Marvel, I'm glad that they see there's no point in pitting their stories. There's no point to it, it's the same thing with the comic book companies.

They each have a niche, and of course the popcorn is going to be more popular, but there's a place for both. (Note to self: think of a metaphor that compliments 'Marvel Popcorn'). Going from Marvel's lead in developing strong character movies and then blending them together in a team movie is smart, and dancing to the left to darken it all up is even smarter. They are sure to release their movies in the same summers, and by tweaking their tone, Warner's making sure that fans will want to see both without feeling like they've been inundated with the same concepts.

Reading the CBR article proves I sometimes have the sense of humor of a twelve year-old boy thanks to me snickering at the phrase 'tent-poles releases'. Unfortunate phrasing meets an immature brain.

As for the Ollie prison flick? Yum. I am looking forward eye-molesting to some sexy, muscled arms in the theater. Oh, uh, on a not-shallow level, the discussion in this article is heartening and both worrying, but writers/producers/et cetera tend to summarize things differently for a non-comic-geek crowd, so consider my fingers crossed for that being the case of a few comments throughout.

"But Batman is about his equipment and is about his theatricality and about his detective skills. And Green Arrow is a guy who’s really just the sort of MacGyver type,” Marks said. “In his hand, anything can be a weapon.”

This is completely true, and my twelve year-old chops surface again, this time with my imagination running with Batman's theatricality. Batman, you old drama queen you.

Another note, in these movie lines: Wonder Woman has some information up on IMDB, as we all know. The current writer is Matthew Jennison, whose only other movie credit is Beerfest. I'm really hoping this is just old bullshit and not . . . true. Um, pssssst, Warner? This is probably not the way to go.
Anyone have any solid information on this one for me?

Wired has an awesome article up on comic book tattoos, with some great pictures for you all to enjoy.

And courtesy Technogreek, AppleGeeks has this to say on the subject of Moody Character Films:

-AppleGeeks Lite #346

GameTrailer has some more game clips of the Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe, including Joker's fatality. Neeeeeat.

I'll say it again. Neeeeeeeat.

And to end this post on the best note possible, here's a follow up on the Convention Harassment Issue, Girl Wonder has done an awesome thing and organized the Convention Anti-Harassment Project. Take part. Let them know that gathering their forces together so quickly and getting this off the ground is an awesome, inspiring thing.

Good job, ladies!

Kirby Krackle Debuts!!

2008-08-21T09:53:00.000-07:00

So, I've been really excited about this project from the moment my very awesome and very talented friends, Jim Demonakos and Kyle Stevens told me about it. I've been waiting very, very patiently for it to launch so I can pimp it out like nobody's business.

And lucky for my exploding patience, Kirby Krackle has gone live with their debut song, One Of The Guys. They're calling it Geek Rock and I'm in love with not just the fantastic songs they're putting out--lucky me, I've gotten to hear a few of the ones that aren't finished yet, and let me tell you, they just keep getting better and better--but as well the entire concept of Geek Rock and having music that isn't just rock-worthy, but totally serves to the geek crowd.

Built off their mutual long-lasting love for comic books and music, Kirby Krackle is going to put Geek Rock on the map. When Kyle and Jim combine their insane talents, we end up completely lucking out--these lyrics are so solid, so geek chic I can't get over it, with music that takes it right to the next level and makes Kirby Krackle more than just a novelty listen, but something you're going to want to put on your iPod and hear throughout the day.

Kyle puts the history of how this awesomeness came to be on his blog, so I'll just excerpt from his blog:

Fast forward to Winter of 2008 when COMIC STOP co-owner Jim Demonakos and I sat down to flesh the idea out and to see how it would really work, if at all. Maybe there was a reason it hadn’t been tried before? At first I found it really hard to wrap my brain around a completely different way of writing, but it seems that in the last few months we’ve hit our stride. Jim and I are so excited to be writing and recording songs about a subject we’ve loved our whole lives, and if you’re a fan of comics, movies, and games we know you’ll love these songs as well. It’s bizarre that it’s an almost completely untapped corner of music and if it’s true when they say they say write what you know, then between Jim and I we know A LOT of geeky shit.

Jim and Kyle are in the middle of recording an EP that you can look forward to seeing at the end of the year. So head over to their MySpace and give One Of The Guys a listen. Four listens, dammit, and then be sure to tell them how awesome they are, then please to pimp them out on your own blogs.

(And oh my God, Kyle and Jim, you totally need to sneak peek a few lyrics or whatnots to taunt them).

Lowest Common Denominators

2008-08-18T13:09:00.000-07:00

If you haven't read it already, John DiBello wrote an essay addressing the issue of SDCC not having a sexual harassment and brought up a few incidents he witnessed at the convention. Rachel Edidin, of Inside Out, has her own story about a dick with a 'Free Hugs' sign--an incident that also occurred at SDCC. She also posted yesterday, 'Blogging Isn't Enough' which I wholeheartedly endorse a thorough read of (I read it sometime during the writing of this post, then realized she said what I'm saying so, so much better. I'm going to say it again anyway.).

And there are a plethora of stories exactly like theirs, which shouldn't shock/surprise anyone. If it does, promptly dislodge your head from your ass and start over at the beginning of this level, you have failed.

Moving onto my point.

Between movies, video games, advertisements, comic books, so on and so on, we're becoming more and more used to and/or inundated with sexualized images of both women and men. It is becoming the average. Which is fine--so long as we're not disrespecting a sex (hey, shocker, there's an empowering way to look at sexuality??), engaging in Women In Refrigerator syndrome, etc--we're sexual creatures, we have base instincts and desires and I both recognize and encourage. Safely. Politely. Consensually, if incorporating another person into the mix.

But there is a group out there--let's call them the Lowest Common Denominators--that doesn't seem to understand that appreciating this:

Does not equal to assaulting women behind counters at comic book conventions.

Even this, which would have been so, so much better (read: less clearly a 'Jerk Off To This Later, Boys, hurhurhur') if they'd done both men and women costumes:

Does not mean yelling at a woman for not wanting a free hug is okay.

Our wonderful, ruining it for everyone Lowest Common Denominators don't actually understand that while whatever they'd like to fantasize about in the privacy of their mother's basement is fine, taking that fantasy and applying it to assaulting, either physically or verbally, real women is not fine. Women going to conventions in whatever costume they want is their business--it does not give you the right to grope them, even if they're Power Girl. It does not give you the right to walk up to them and touch them. You have to ask first because those women aren't their for your personal fetish. Even if they were hired for non-stripper entertainment purposes, you are not entitled to them.

And okay, if the first response your ape-like brain can muster is, 'But, but they're in skimpy outfits!! Clearly they want attention!!', you're a fucking idiot. Go outside and ask someone to punch you.

Spending a lot of time on a costume is not an invitation to harrassment. Looking pretty? Not an invitation for harrassment. Dressing up? Not an invitation for harrassment.

Attention and Harrassment are not the same thing.

"What an awesome costume, you look great!" is not the same as "I'mma touch me some biiiiig boobies, hurhurhur."

And it's responses like the latter that earn people the Lowest Common Denominator tag.

Enjoy yourself the pictures of the sexy girls, enjoy the girls in costumes on a inner level that might range towards the wee bit naughty--again, it's okay. I enjoy the hot men, after all. I'm not ranting against sexualized people or having a fantasy life--I have a huge problem with over-sexualization, blatant misogyny, images that are clearly Women In Refrigerators, but with sexuality in general?

Not so much.

Sexuality is important and I think it's a thing we all need to be so much more comfortable with, for a myriad of very important reasons. But I hope you get my point on this, and if you leave a serious comment about me hating sexuality in general, I'm going to sic the dogs on you.

But if you're going to write/draw/enjoy this, you need to take responsibility. Yes, you. Yes, me. We need to take responsibility for these Lowest Common Denominators because we're letting it stay out there. We need to understand that this problem is our fault and that we need to step up in a very big way.

Lowest Common Denominator Fanboys don't know when to stop. They do not know where to draw the line in their fantasy, so much so that they are harrassing women at conventions in order to get a little more of that fantasy fulfilled.

And that sucks for us, doesn't it? What a damn damper on our party.

Am I saying this means we shouldn't have sexuality in any form in our books?

Uh, hell no. Why let creeps dominate what we have? Why let them take away something that most others can enjoy without taking it to that level?

What I am saying is that this barrier of silence has to stop, that allowing these undersexed over-fantasizing assholes to run rampant around conventions is tired, old and only holding the industry back. You know what people think of when they hear Comic Book Geek? Yeah, they think of that guy. And that's going to kill any chance of our industry making it into something that's respected outside of our circles.

It's an understanding that these morons are out there at conventions--how many jokes are cracked about the Typical Basement Comic Nerd? We know that some people, for whatever reason, don't know where to draw the line--be it pure uncultured idiocy or purposeful assault.

What we don't seem to know is how to stand up for each other. How many people witnessed that Ghostbuster's girl ass being grabbed? Probably a lot.

How many actually said something? Probably no one--and the one person that did go to do something about it found that there wasn't anyone to tell. What the hell?

Seriously, in all the years SDCC has been going on, someone's going to honestly act like this hasn't ever happened before? And John is the first person to check? That just can't be right.

These girls aren't telling anyone? Witnesses aren't stepping in with a 'hey, man, that's not okay.'?

This is bullshit, and I am calling a goddamn shenanigans.

So, here's what I'd like and here's my challenge to everyone. Stop talking big on the message boards, stop being full of shit where it doesn't count. The next time you're at a convention--the next time you are anywhere and you see something you know isn't okay, step up. Say, "Hey man, that's not okay". And get them thrown out.

Be more like those fictional heroes we all love so much. (Uh. Not like Punisher, though, thanks, you don't need to get arrested.)

You do it. I'll do it. That guy over there will do it and that chick over here will do it. And then, our Lowest Common Denominators are going to find that there's no one left to pick on. That, in our awesome comic book industry, there is no room for them. That they can no longer infest something that is becoming more and more awesome with every year that goes by. Go figure.

Enjoy your sexy. I'll enjoy mine (even if there should be more). I don't mind the sexy camp in my books, so long as it's all in the spirit of appreciation and not manipulation, but what I do mind is how almost everyone just lets this sort of behavior slip by. It being written off as 'Those Comic Geeks' isn't okay.

And massive props (are the kids still doing those these days?) to John DiBello for stepping up, for using Bully's blog as a microphone to get this gone.

ComiCon Internationals contact information, courtesy Rachel's Blogging Isn't Enough post. Polite correspondence only--while it's highly remiss of them to not have something regarding harassment in their rules, it isn't their fault that these guys are out there.

EMAIL:

cci-info@comic-con.org

SNAIL MAIL:

Comic-Con International
P.O. Box 128458
San Diego, CA 92112-8458

San Diego, CA

HOTLINE: 619-491-2475
FAX: 619-414-1022

Now go tell a friend and then have yourself a soda.

Sexual Harrassment at SDCC

2008-08-15T08:25:00.000-07:00

John DiBello, the caretaker of Bully, calls out a huge problem at SDCC (and I suspect others) and calls for change in the following essay that's written much more intelligently than I know I could manage (I would descend into frequent obscenities in all caps, for one).

Among the bullshit, the utter bullshit of this, I'm really pleased by this essay and the other people coming together and cross-posting it at their own blogs. Harassment isn't ever okay and not considering the possibility of it or making room for it is nicely ideal, but very foolish.

Cross-posted from his site.

Overheard at San Diego Comic-Con while I was having lunch on the balcony of the Convention Center on Sunday July 27: a bunch of guys looking at the digital photos on the camera of another, while he narrated: "These were the Ghostbusters girls. That one, I grabbed her ass, 'cause I wanted to see what her reaction was." This was only one example of several instances of harassment, stalking or assault that I saw at San Diego this time.

1. One of my friends was working at a con booth selling books. She was stalked by a man who came to her booth several times, pestering her to get together for a date that night. One of her co-workers chased him off the final time.

2. On Friday, just before the show closed, this same woman was closing up her tables when a group of four men came to her booth, started taking photographs of her, telling her she was the "prettiest girl at the con." They they entered the booth, started hugging and kissing her and taking photographs of themselves doing so. She was confused and scared, but they left quickly after doing that.

3. Another friend of mine, a woman running her own booth: on Friday a man came to her booth and openly criticized her drawing ability and sense of design. Reports from others in the same section of the floor confirmed he'd targeted several women with the same sort of abuse and criticism.

Quite simply, this behavior has got to stop at Comic-Con. It should never be a sort of place where anyone, man or woman, feels unsafe or attacked either verbally or physically in any shape or form. There are those, sadly, who get off on this sort of behavior and assault, whether it's to professional booth models, cosplayers or costumed women, or women who are just there to work. This is not acceptable behavior under any circumstance, no matter what you look like or how you're dressed, whether you are in a Princess Leia slave girl outfit or business casual for running your booth.

On Saturday, the day after the second event I described above, I pulled out my convention book to investigate what you can do and who you can speak to after such an occurrence. On page two of the book there is a large grey box outlining "Convention Policies," which contain rules against smoking, live animals, wheeled handcarts, recording at video presentations, drawing or aiming your replica weapon, and giving your badge to others. There is nothing about attendee-to-attendee personal behavior.

Page three of the book contains a "Where Is It?" guide to specific Comic-Con events and services. There's no general information room or desk listed, nor is there a contact location for security, so I go to the Guest Relations Desk. I speak to a volunteer manning the desk; she's sympathetic to the situation but who doesn't have a clear answer to my question: "What's Comic-Con's policy and method of dealing with complaints about harassment?" She directs me to the nearest security guard, who is also sympathetic listening to my reports, but short of the women wanting to report the incidents with the names of their harassers, there's little that can be done.

"I understand that," I tell them both, "but what I'm asking is more hypothetical and informational: if there is a set Comic-Con policy on harassment and physical and verbal abuse on Con attendees and exhibitors, and if so, what's the specific procedure by which someone should report it, and specifically where should they go?" But this wasn't a question either could answer.

So, according to published con policy, there is no tolerance for smoking, drawn weapons, personal pages or selling bootleg videos on the floor, and these rules are written down in black and white in the con booklet. There is not a word in the written rules about harassment or the like. I would like to see something like "Comic-Con has zero tolerance for harassment or violence against any of our attendees or exhibitors. Please report instances to a security guard or the Con Office in room XXX."

The first step to preventing such harassment is giving its victims the knowledge that they can safely and swiftly report such instances to someone in authority. Having no published guideline, and indeed being unable to give a clear answer to questions about it, gives harassment and violence one more rep-tape loophole to hide behind.

I enjoyed Comic-Con. I'm looking forward to coming back next year. So, in fact, are the two women whose experiences I've retold above. Aside from those instances, they had a good time at the show. But those instances of harassment shouldn't have happened at all, and that they did under no clear-cut instructions about what to do sadly invites the continuation of such behavior, or even worse.

I don't understand why there's no such written policy about what is not tolerated and what to do when this happens. Is there anyone at Comic-Con able to explain this? Does a similar written policy exist in the booklets for other conventions (SF, comics or otherwise) that could be used as a model? Can it be adapted or adapted, and enforced, for Comic-Con? As the leading event of the comics and pop culture world, Comic-Con should work to make everyone who attends feel comfortable and safe.

Taking an idea from these guys, I'm disabling comments. But only because if you want to talk about it, you should very much be doing that--on your blogs, message boards, or with your friends. This is not okay.

No Books For You

2008-08-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Okay, well, maybe just me. No books for me, thanks to the husband's car assaulting itself. What a fucking terrible week to be left with only one vehicle and not have the 9-5 job. Batman . . . tie-ins . . . Welcome to Hoxford . . . Runaways/Young Avengers . . . god DAMMIT.

I hate all of you a little this week, just so you know.

Our 99 Neon has been suffering some emotional issues since the purchase of our 01 Civic a few years ago, we've worked really hard to keep her feeling good about herself--spiffy new tires, new brakes, engine flushes and regular baths, but the old black mare just ain't what she used to be. (I think I just burst into flames writing "ain't", so let's never do that again, mm?_
Then, Sunday, in her finest move of acting out, her hood clasp snapped while Co-Creator was on the freeway, slamming it into the windshield while he was going 70.

Everyone is fine. Me especially, as I wasn't actually in the car at the time (thank God).

Well . . . almost everyone. Yes, that's my girl, shut away in the garage while she works out her emotional issues in a way that doesn't have the potential to kill one of her owners.

The husband would appreciate me taking a moment to inform my readers that the flowery seat covers are mine. I would appreciate me taking a moment to inform my readers that the flowery seat covers may be mine, but it's been nearly two years since I've driven the car and they are still there.

Let's do a mess of links and some random rambling, then pretend it's a post.

The Most Awesome That Ever Did Awesome From A Company You Haven't Heard Of:

Batman: Arkham Asylum the video game. No, really! They'll be utilizing the Unreal Engine 3 (WOOT!) and the 'they' I'm speaking of is Rocksteady Studios, a company in London who'll be developing it. Warner Brothers and Eidos is involved and the game is a third-person action game with a mood and story to match that of the magnificent trade and the style of play/setting is purported to be comparable to Bioshock.

Worried about the story? Shut your mouth--Paul Dini's writing this baby. The storyline as reported so far by WorthPlaying has the player-as-Batman delivering The Joker to Arkham, where an impressive amount of other villain characters have set a trap for him. With a setting of Arkham Asylum--and all the varied characters--the graphics damned well better be magnificent. And I'm hoping for an excellent, creepy score instead of cheesy movie knock-off music.

Martin Tremblay, President of Warner Bros. Interactive entertainment had this to say regarding the game, “Batman: Arkham Asylum offers players the chance to battle Gotham’s worst villains with Batman’s physical and psychological strength in a graphically distinct and story-driven game. We look forward to working with Eidos on expanding DC Comics’ world-renowned character Batman in the game space with a noticeably different feature set in an incredibly dark interactive environment."

Keep an eye on the Rocksteady website for more information--hell, keep an eye on it for the awesome countdown graphic that's occupying it right now. Due out in 2009, this baby has definitely hit my preorder list. I should be done with Fallout 3 by then.

Random Fallout 3 note: You will not see ANY PART OF ME the first two weeks after this bad boy is released. Bethesda goddamn guaranteed to give me the video game of my wet dreams. I remember playing Fallout when it first came out. I may cry and start caressing my console (not a euphemism) when I pop that baby in.

Anyone notice a whole lot of Levitz and a whole nada from Didio? Is it really just me--am I just magically noticing Levitz? Is this akin to learning a new word when you were little and then hearing that word all. day. long?

Well, Paul Levitz has an article here, he's talking about Watchmen here and it was Levitz we heard from regarding SDCC. All Newsarama, but CBR doesn't have any Dan Didio at all that isn't panel coverage.

Lionsgate has an upcoming DVD, Next Avengers that'll be out September 2nd. There's a sneak peek of it up on Newsarama, here. "Hawkeye's name is Francis??" Adorable. Looking forward to this.

Watchmen hits a million. Hot damn.

I'm very excited about a local company that's getting press here and gonna take a moment to pimp them out here, as they're taking an awesome approach to raising awareness for several different causes. Five Humans was founded in 2007 by Dan Grunvald and Lee Fine, who had the idea of making hip and interesting t-shirts with slogans and facts regarding different diseases geared towards raising awareness and breaking the silence barrier. They're called Disease Tees, which is awesome, and one of the most interesting and devoted campaigns against ignorance I've seen in a while.

This company has a big heart, great stories and an excellent product. I'd really love to see these shirts on everyone. Right now the causes are diabetes, heart disease, asthma, cancer and the newest one--and an important one for me--autism. They are always expanding, though, and are in the process of designing a new Disease Tee. Ten percent of your purchase goes to the cause it's for and with prices ranging $20 to $35 dollars, this is well worth it. Also? The clothes are totally quality and look awesome. So not only are you supporting a great cause of your choice, but getting cool gear in the process.

Go visit their site and take a look at their products and mission.

Another company is doing an awesome, awesome idea that I'm totally in love with. The site is a little obnoxious, but you'll want one. We Are Numbers.

!!Final Crisis In-Depth Olympics Coverage!!

2008-08-07T11:31:00.000-07:00

Final Crisis #3
Writer: Grant Morrison
Art/Cover: JG Jones
Colors/Sliver Cover: Alex Sinclair

Well, this issue certainly provoked some reactions, didn't it?

Reviewing Final Crisis is hard, dammit. Let's do a . . .

Catch-all of the First Two!!

Issue One.

Metron sparked knowledge, giving fire to Anthro, the first boy and we get a lot of cavemen being evil monger scenes. Cut to present day. Danny Turpin finds Orion dying. Orion's last words warn "He is in you all". The Question turns Turpin onto the Dark Side Club. John Stewart gets there first (with the Black Racer hovering behind him) and contacts Hal Jordan--who has been alerted, but ring is not responding at this time. John and Hal lock up the scene of the crime, the Guardians send out a Special Operations Alpha Lantern.

Some expendable good guys, including the unfortunate Mas y Menos, get taken out terrifyingly easily by the Doctor Light/Mirror Master team. Then we see a single a panel interruption of a villain protest march on the streets, where Arsenal, Black Canary, Hawkgirl and Red Tornado rounding them off under threats of lawyers. How random.

Cut back to Doctor Light and Mirror master getting a fancy-pants Metron chair for Libra. Doctor Light needs viagra, or something close, for a big (weeeak, self, weak) date with Giganta.

Libra holds court. Luthor is Very Dubious of his proposition, as is Vandal Savage--who is not averse to the taste of human flesh. Libra, though, is not only possibly not human, he also claims to be the 'balance'. If they team up with him--the Super Secret Society of Villains (apparently a cool name didn't come with those Dalek boots and gloves) and follow his orders, he's going to give them their hearts desire. He wants to 'end the age of superheroes'.

Try This Site, Libra!!

Libra demonstrates his point and awesome, awesome power by giving the Human Flame his heart's desire--a dead Martian Manhunter. A drugged Martian Manhunter is brought out, and then Libra sucker-stabs him through the chest with his neat flaming balance spear (oh, oh, spear? Interesting) thing. Human Flame records it on his cell phone (clearly someone has a very important blog post to make later).
Reverend Good is preaching about the doomed Bludhaven and Turpin is not-really watching it on television as he waits in a bar for an informant about the Dark Side Club. It's a trap. Of course. Apparently Turpin's mama raised a bit of a fool.

Turpin expected someone younger when he met Boss Dark Side. Dark Side discusses how bodies wear out hard in here and how he was hurt in a fall. Turpin wants the kids and Dark Side gives them to him--he'd given them to Granny Goodness. Dark Side discusses how the kids are humanity's best hope for the future, it's 'life force'. And then he takes his glasses off, is red-eyed and wrinkly and claims to have won the war in heaven (was this a last God standing match?).
Dark Side reveals they taught the kids how to say the equation (maybe it's 'Paris Hilton Is So, So Smart). Dark Side calls the kids the 'new model human', and the children come forward, red-eyed.

Cut to a round table of the JLA, in which the conversation is dominated by Superman, Wonder Woman and Batman. They discuss the Gods, how powerful they are, and how they need to find them before they strike. The JLA goes to Condition Amber, which--as you can see from the chart below--is likely equivalent to going to Condition Elmo.

Multiverse Monitor Nix Uotan is being punished after what happened to Earth 51 in Countdown. He claims sabatoge but no one cares--he's stripped of his duties, powers and word of attention. Weeja Dell is very, very upset about her boyfriend. She gets comforted by Monitor Zillo Valla, who explains (mostly for the reader) that the Monitors now have names/stories/personalities and that Ogama fears they've been contaminated by their contact with the other worlds (Guardians, anyone?)
We cut to Anthro, being thoughtful against a picturesque sunset over the ocean, serenely drawing symbols in the sand. Kamandi thoughtlessly interrupts this beautiful, Look How Sexily We Have Evolved moment (!!) by demanding the weapon Metron gave him so it can be used against the Gods. Antrho suddenly has face markings (?) like Metron.

We end with Nix Uotan waking up, human, on Earth Ground Zero.

Similarities, anyone?

Thus ends, D.O.A. and the God of War

Now? Issue Two.

The issue opens with the young Japanese superheroes outside a club, waiting to get in. Then it cuts to news flashes insulting them and praising the Old Timers. The youngsters are insulted, protesting and vowing that they'll save the world in their own way. One of the best lines so far, "When will he realize that being fantastic is a superpower in itself?".

Sonny Sumo wants water. Ice. And a tall glass. Possibly combined. His water-ice-tall glass combo is rudely interrupted by a fight proposition, to which he tells the guy to talk to his manager, pisses off Megayakuza (best name evar), gets set on fire (insert flamer joke here) and then jams his fist through Megayakuza's chest.

And then, in the koolest Kombat Fatality ever, he leaves the heart on the tall glass. Woah.

And then, as Sonny is braced over the sink and emoing at himself in the mirror, Mister Miracle rolls into the club, Motherboxxx in tow. Mister Miracle tells Sonny about the war, about how evil won and about how he needs to put a team together because they (the powers of evil) are among them now.

Cut to newly human Nix Uotan, who seems to be searching through a dictionary for a power word. He's totally lost and talking like a crazy person at his shitty job.

Best sign ever is here, "It's OK to have a BIG BELLY". Ahahaha. Excellence.

Words not the power word: bedazzle, bedlam, cathexis, cathode, criminal, crimson, crinkle. possibly all the A words, as well as B (I don't know, though, it happened off panel!!!)

Cut to Danny Turpin--he escaped the Evil Children!--beating the hell out of Some Guy in an attempt to find the kids. Some Guy made prototype mind control hats. Turpin reveals his turn-ons aren't just walks on the beach, but also the sound of breath whistling through smashed cartilage.

He thinks something is wrong with him, but that's not stopping him from beating the fuck out of Some Guy. He doesn't feel good, the bathroom's covered in blood and he jets to Bludhaven.
Slip to a page of our superheroes mourning and speaking above J'onn J'onzz's casket.

Cut to Libra, asking his Round Table Of SSSV's and potential SSSV's if they're convinced. Luthor? Not so much. "Hurt Superman, perhaps I'll take you more seriously". Clayface is a fanboy and apparently next on the Libra Gift List.Libra takes Luthor up on his condition. Luthor and Vandal Savage are hanging out outside, getting their rides and discussing making an alliance with Sivana The Reptile Thing against Libra. Savage is too bored, apparently, and Libra is offering up more amusement than anything else.

The Human Torch is quick to reassure Libra, calling him 'Boss' which Libra rejects (someone prefers 'Daddy'). The Human Torch tells Libra he owes him big time, which Libra replies (a little ominously, if you ask me) "Why don't we go back inside and talk about . . . well . . . about what you owe me."

Back to Wonder Woman, Superman, Batman and others. They discuss everything that's already happened, then the Special Operations Alpha Lantern Kraken is introduced. She's entirely unimpressed by the JLA, and unimpressed by Jordan and how much attention he gives Earth.

It's revealed that Orion was shot. Batman gets snippy. Kraken is snippy. Batman doesn't remember voting the Guardians in (it's those benders, my friend) and Kraken thinks they're all idiots. Especially Jordan.

On to John Stewart, who is guarding the scene of the crime and Opto is with him . . . and hearing sounds, apparently. There's a trace of something Stewart's ring is detecting, that has been there for fifty years or so and, according to Stewart, makes it a pretty unlikely murder weapon. Opto leaves to find that noise again. Stewart digs up the object, which seems to be a bullet, the ring warns of unidentified theotoxic trace material, discusses that it's found in the Guardian Archives, says it's Radion, calls an emergency and then totally runs out of batteries.And then he gets attacked by an arm who has a ring, gets stakes thrown at him (more Jesus here). They say, "Say goodbye to your eyes".

Cut to Hal Jordan's bedroom, where Alpha Kraken and Company invade, place him under arrest for the attempted murder of Orion and John Stewart. Over to Batman and Superman, discussing the arrest and knowing Jordan didn't do it. Batman doesn't trust Kraken. Superman needs an hour or too, tells him Doctor Mid-Nite and Wonder Woman are with John Stewart, healing him. Superman apparently needs to let Clark Kent out of the bag too.

"Hh. Superman, Superman."

Batman goes and confronts Kraken. That is the opposite of how it went, which just proves once and for all that old Kirk vs Batman debate. Before Kraken seems to be taken over, she says "Help me! She's eating my mind alive . . . tell them our weapons don't work . . . tell them . . ." Batman calls for a Black Alert and for the Hall of Justice to be secured before Kraken puts him in a boom tube, apparently sending her to Granny.

Black Alert?

Turpin arrives in Bludhaven, which looks like a warzone. Reverend Good is there and calls him over. Cut to inside a lair, and some excellent lines from Reverend Good. "See how selflessly we prepared this pit of human suffering and sickness as a cradle for your rebirth. We've already won. And they don't even know!"

Turpin asks about the kids. Good tells him he already met the kids. Turpin is confused, complains about the air screwing with him and finally, goddamn finally says the question half the readers had been screaming since Anthro got fire: "What the hell's going on here?"

"We, sir, are the Gods of Apokolips, manifesting in all our bleak majesty to bring about the final crisis of man. Come in, come in. All is begun. They've even grown a new body for your son, Kalibek The Cruel."

Kamandi is in a cage, yelling to Turpin that they're making slaves--we see dozens, possibly more, people trapped in cages. Good says they're destined to become 'subhuman degenerates, living, breeding joylessly, and dying in agony to serve the eternal, all-consuming firepits'.
The Evil Factory is open for business, and we get a panel of people strapped to operating tables, people trapped in what appear to be stasis chambers, Batman trapped in . . . whatever the hell that is and blood and guts on the floor.

Good tells Turpin, "Where the New Gods fell, what chance have Earth's primitive strongmen against all the armies of Apokolips? See, we started rounding them up already!"

Turpin says there's someone in his head and Batman tells him that they're coming to get them all, to warn the Justice League and, as a helmet drops down on his fine, fine skull, to warn everyone.

To Clark Kent, talking to Perry White and clearly not focusing. He's looking at Jimmy, who, runs downstairs and we see him slide into Clayface in the elevator. Uh oh. As Clark puts two and two together, the Daily Planet explodes. Lois doesn't look good.

The Flashes, Wally and Jay. Wally discusses how that Overlord Batman told him to read through the internet, looking for unusual activity around the time J'onn was murdered. He asked Jay to tag along and they end up at a strip club--Jay reveals that this is where he met Barry. Note: It used to be a city community center. Jay laments Barry and J'onn as Wally reveals that a seismic pulse, around the time J'onn's heart exploded, originated from this location. He found traces of J'onn's blood and the crime bible. And Metron's Mobius chair.

Wally runs with Batman Crazy Theories and is working on a theory of a bullet fired backwards through time. Jay TOUCHES THE CHAIR and gets struck by lightning.
Wally wonders if this is where the God-Bullet breaks into time. He guesses, "the shell travels through time, kills back through time, kills Orion, and passes through him into the past where it finally buries itself in the concrete fifty years ago. And that thing there is the scope of a higher-dimensional gun."

Then, the chair lights up and probably makes a lot of noise and definitely has some vibrations attached to it ($499.99 at your local Linen and Things, 10% discount with Linen and Things credit card) and Jay recognizes the good vibrations.

And enter one of my favorite all time splash pages in a comic book: Barry, Black Racer and a Speeding Bullet, with Barry yelling, "Run!"

Wrong Bullet. Sorry ladies.

Thus ends Ticket to Bludhaven.

Issue 3. Finally.

We open with S.H.A.D.E. Agents busting into the Dark Side Club, with Frankentstein. Let's all have a Moment of Awesome for Frankentstein.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwesome.

Dark Side's body is mummified and The Question is there. The S.HA.D.E. Agents yell that Frankenstein already told her to freeze, she stole some of Batman's awesome kit and smokebombs her way out of there--but not before asking about what happened to Danny Turpin (*cough*newDarkSide*cough*). Lightning in the sky. Frankenstein examining the body. Montoya walking down the street. Lightning turns into fiery ball. An electronic cursor magically appearing next to the mummified corpse, Frankenstein asking Father Time if he's seeing that the magic cursor thing is writing something.

Father Time puts Frankenstein on hold and tells Taleb that his New York team just found the Ark of the Covenant. Taleb says he's ordered a crate, the fiery ball of person falls through buildings, the cursor writes "Know Evil". Taleb tells Father Time about Bludhaven--where a warlord has set himself up in the weapons bunker and killing anyone who gets close. Americans don't need to know about this and he needs Father Time's most expendable agents.

. . . after he has explained to Montoya their plans for her in the Global Law Enforcement! Because now is the perfect time for that.

The fiery ball has landed and it was a fiery ball of German Supergirl, with Montoya first on the scene. German Supergirl tells us that she's the German Supergirl (thanks), that Hell has won and heaven is bleeding, which we've totally heard before! Nothing like a redux--thanks for nothing!

S.H.A.D.E. Agents abscond (possibly) with Montoya.

Cut to Nix, who gets fired for being That Creepy Employee. Graviton is a dirty word--but the impact fields are increasing, if you ask Nix.

Nix is moping on the street and stops at a window to watch the news. The symbol Anthro drew in the very first issue makes a second appearance in the New York Subway Extension. Apparently crop circles of the same order are appearing in England. And, as Nix watches, he's being watched by Monitor Zillo Valla.

The news carries us from Nix and Valla to the Flashes, where Jay is telling the family what happened. They ran. And ran. After the Bullet--but none of them could catch it, and we get a shot of Orion getting shot with the Black Racer right there with them.

Cut to Black Racer standing over Orion with Turpin there. To Flashes reflected in his helmet. TO Barry and Wally outrunning the Black Racer. To Jay telling the women the story and confirming that it was Barry.

Cut to Libra and the Human Flame, in some shell looking place. The Human Flame establishes his idiocy with a worried homophobic comment about how generous Libra's being to him--it's a new digs and an outfit, apparently, that pushes him over the edge. Libra says that the new hideout and uniform is the Human Flame's commitment to a higher purpose and asks him to try it out. He goes for the helmet and hears a voice.

Libra asks him to listen closely.

And Libra slams the helmet down on Human Flame's head, "That's the Anti-Life Equation, you pathetic, ignorant little failure!". Which was awesome. And totally interrupted by I-Can't-Be-Bothered-To-Make-An-Appointment Luthor, who is way, way early for the SSSV meeting.

God, Libra doesn't even have the decoder rings ready yet!

Libra says Mike, The Human Flame Slave, almost choked to death, but he's much better now and asks if Luthor's taking him seriously yet. Luthor . . . well, he's impressed, because Superman's been out of his . . . er. Eyebrow hair for 18 hours.

Not that impressed, though, because after Libra says Luthor owes him, Luthor denies it and admits Libra's a threat. That needs to be neutralized.

Libra reintroduces Mike The Human Flame Slave--and fuck if Libra doesn't have some of the most bad-ass dialogue, "You remember Mike, don't you? 'Halfwit' Mike, 'Nonentity' Mike. The 'Human Flame'."

And then, Mike, who is part of something much bigger now, says, "Judge others. Enslave others. Anti-Life justifies my hatred."

And Libra delivers the ultimate goods to Luthor, an offer good for less than a day: Join. Be like Mike or "renounce science, swear an oath on the Bible of Crime and pledge your service to the Master of All Evil. The day of Apokolips is at hand, sir, and I am only its Prophet." (Personally, I find the specific, "renounce science" comment particularly interesting when put to a man like Luthor.)

Wrong Mike.

Now we're at Metropolis Memorial Hospital, where Clark is with Lois and Jimmy Olsen. Lois is fucked. up. Perry's on life support and two red shirts got it even worse. Jim leaves him alone with Lois, off to try and find Superman. Clark reveals that his heat vision is the only thing keeping Lois alive. He apologizes to her and says he'd do anything to take the pain away. Anything.

Anything?

Reveal Monitor Valla, spying again, and telling Clark Kent she knows who he really is. She knows everything and he must come with her if he wants one chance to save her, but they must leave now.

Cut to Hal chained by the Alpha Lanterns. JLA members are adament he didn't do it, Kraken is mocking the existence of 'Evil Gods' and Hal can't remember where he was when Orion was killed or John was attacked. He'll go clear this up with the Guardians, everything'll be A-OK.

No, really!

Wonder Woman and Company surmise the situation, yet again in a useless two panels, and then discuss how they need an army. How they need . . . Article X.

Cue music.

Alan Scott, fabulous cape and all, gets on the horn to Oracle, who'll be the new hub of communications for the superhero community. They tell us where they've set her up and reassure her of being indispensable (useless panel).

In cool news: There's a new Aquaman, who looks awesome as a whale (?) informs him of Article X. We interrupt Shazam's moping, then he 'shazams'--thank god. Supergirl asks her at to not pee in her laundry basket while she's gone and is apparently doing some outfit redesign. Tawny needs a jet pack. Black Canary and Green Arrow's sex life is healthy and GA thinks the man is after him.

But still gets bossed around nicely by the wife.

Cue Alan Scott, looking at all the assembled superheroes and dares anyone stand against them!

Cut to Mister Miracle and Sonny Sumo, headed to an airplane. Mister Miracle gives a bit of information about how he crawled out of the grave, only due to Motherboxxx. They have apparently convinced Sumo, or at least convinced him enough, though he's really dubious as to whether or not a Sumo Wrestler and an escape artist are going to be able to fight this. Mister Miracle says no one has a choice.

Then, their plane explodes and it looks like the Human Helmet Slaves are after them and they're in a terrible terrible position.

And, in one of the greatest rescues ever, the Super Young Team drive in (because they were stalking after them) and Mister Miracle, Motherboxxx and Sonny Sumo hop in, with the Human Helmet Slaves hot on their tailpipes. The Super Young Team fan at the three, Mister Miracle warns them off and says they can't be involved and Superbat--who has clearly been taking How To Be Cool lessons from Robin--says, "Excuse me. We are the Super Young Team. We've done this sort of thing before." And the car totally takes off.

Cut to Wonder Woman in Bludhaven, carrying a little girl out, escorting the mother and discussing that they need to get out and stay out of Bludhaven. We're introduced to the Atomic Knights that S.H.A.D.E. has set up for patrolling.

Wonder Woman wants to go in.

Atomic Knights are--ahahahhahahahahhahahahaha--required to accompany her into contaminated territory and ask her if she wants to wait for back-up. Wonder Woman declines.

Command-D is brought up and identified--a gene weapons test site they build under over of the rubble at Chemo Ground Zero. Man, if Nightwing saw this shit . . .

A local crimelord is holed up in there, airstrikes are out of the question so they're sending in Super-Soldiers.

Their pony dogs, which are awesome, are the result of the Command-D research. Marene Herald, one of the knight's, introduces herself (RED SHIRT ALERT) and tells Wonder Woman what an honor it is and what an inspiration she is. Wonder Woman says she's proud and then they're rudely interrupted by dead bodies. What. Ever.

Wonder Woman asks what happened and Marene Red Shirt tells us it was S.H.A.D.E. operatives, the guy said his name was Replika, that they were all him and then they get rudely interrupted again, this time by . . .

Mary Marvel.

Wonder Woman masters the obvious, with "You look different. . ."

No shit. She looks like she got attacked by an S&M Fetish Designer armed with a razor.

I think it's ridiculous. And awesome.

Mary tells WW that she couldn't stand to be so plain and boring one second longer (clearly and hey, Mary? Problem totally solved) and recommends the Flesh Farm at Command-D for WW.

And then they fight. And it's kind of awesome and not long enough. Mary beheads a pony dog and slices Marene Red Shirt in half. Maybe she shouldn't have introduced herself.

Wonder Woman somehow gets Mary on the ground, tells the remaining knight not to fire--"No! Your weapons can't harm her! She's not a killer!"

. . . uh. Really? Wonder Woman?

I'm no doctor, but I think she's dead, Jim.

Mary says she does what Darkseid tells her now. She says they've been hiding in human bodies and that superheroes are too late. Wonder Woman is shocked. Mary tells her in five minutes Anti-Life Equation goes global and they're all fucked.

But not to worry, Wonder Woman, you'll be working for Darkseid too. They need a carrier monkey, and you're it!

Times you don't want to win 'Eenie Meenie Miney Moe', I suppose.

She infects Wonder Woman.

Cut to Mokkari, who identifies himself and his cause before pushing the should've-been-a-red button to send out the Equation.
Mr. Terrific is at the castle and asks Oracle to check something. In true Bat Fashion, she's way ahead of him. Someone in Bludhaven has just sent an e-mail to every single person in the entire world. It's opening itself. Oracle wants to shut it down. She has to kill the net and yells, "Pull the plugs! Oh God. Pull the plugs before it--"

Next panel is a screen shutting down.

Cut to Barry and Wally, finally done running. Wally says they've run a few weeks into the future. Barry laments they couldn't save Orion and he doesn't know why he came back and all around them, the world is trashed.

We see a boot, clearly Wonder Woman's, as he asks why he's back, what they've done to the world.

Last splash page, another great one imo.

Boar Head Wonder Woman on Evil Pony Dogs. "Superheroes. Kill." Wonder Woman clearly didn't take Mary's earlier fashion device and opted to go with the Hell Pigs line instead. It's a . . . choice. Certainly.

The Anti-Life possessed Wonder Woman, Elasti-Girl, Bat-Woman and an oddly normal looking Catwoman. Perhaps because she's a villain?

And so ends Know Evil.

So? After I spend four hours rereading everything, going through it for everyone panel by panel and finding funny little pictures, what do I think?

. . . well, I like it. I like it a lot. I think a lot happens. I think a whole fuckload happens in this series--compare this 3 with Secret Invasion's. People complain there's too much fighting there, not enough explanation and over here it's the opposite.

Combine forces for . . . er. The Skrull Anti-Life Equation?

I think this is fascinating--the mythology Morrison is bringing in, everything from Christianity to old-school Pantheons is fascinating. Science vs. Magic and Good vs Evil where Evil has totally already kicked your ass.

I'm bummed I have to wait two months, but the tie-ins look really, really promising.

I think where the plot fails the most is with the main superheroes--I love everything else, the villain talk, the Super Young Team, Mister Miracle, Turpin, all of that. But as soon as it gets to Wonder Woman, Superman and Batman, the plot falters--most especially and noticeably with Wonder Woman in Bludhaven and readers getting a little lost as to why, how and what's going on with S.H.A.D.E. But, the fail isn't even that much, I honestly don't think so and especially not with Batman and Kraken scene, it's just where the writing hits its weakest point.

And off-panel events are a matter of taste--and writing. Morrison does a lot of it, I'm used to it from him and I think it was done well enough. Over at Nightwing, for example, it was done terribly, but that was slack that wasn't picked up in Nightwing's book.

I don't think criticisms are necessarily off with this book--again, Morrison is a definite love-or-don't writer, but what I do think is how everyone forgets it all makes sense in the trade. Which is why I opted to do this long ass coverage of the first three issues. See how everything's tying in together? See the things that are relating, the overlaying themes?

Mary Marvel, check back with me. I think her outfit is hysterical and eight pounds of awesome, but I'm also not sure why the fuck it had to be her. Got a reason?

Tell me what you think--agree, disagree, where, all of it. Inquiring minds and I spent too damn long on this not to get any discussions.

Any mistakes made are ones born of hours spent writing all this up--note to me via Twitter or in a comment and I'll fix it when I get back from grocery shopping. Also, let me know what you think of my In-Depth review, I quite liked doing this and think I'll start doing one a week in the future for various events.

And? Thanks for reading all this. Very much.

Sexy Baristas

2008-08-05T20:22:00.000-07:00

While I'm pretty certain other states have these, I don't know about them, so am going to speak about what Washington is doing.

We have sexeh bikini baristas. News stations here are oh-so-cleverly referring to them as sexpresso stands. AHAHA, that's hilarious.

In Belfair, Washington--population at a wowing 700 (whose only other claims to fame are breeding a Democratic congressman), they have gotten the Espresso Gone Wild (I think this is it's real name) stand zoned as EROTIC ENTERTAINERS. The girls have to cover up or pack up!

The same happened over in Bonney Lake.

Listen, Minivan Mothers. I understand that maybe the title of this stand threw you a bit--who'd know that by a name like 'Espresso Gone Wild', this would be a Girls In Bikinis coffee stand?! Not I, surely.

And I am insanely offended that my children--who I never take to the beach--are forced to see girls in bikinis working an espresso machine. Offended, I tell you. I am writing an angry letter right now!

Surely this is cause to ring the Whores Are Coming town bell and start a Mother Riot. Surely! Surely this is far, far more important than anything else going on in the country--hey, make sure your sixteen year-old girls aren't posting pictures of their budding cleavage on MySpace later! Take care of these Sexpresso Girls immediately. Next: Prayer in schools!!!!!

On behalf of secure women everywhere, I beg of you to shut the hell up and go patrol your children's internet usage.

Instead of being terrified at a bikini, perhaps you could spend some time talking to your teenagers about respecting themselves! Discuss what dignity means to them and how getting big tips for showing a little ass may not be the way to earn spare cash.

I happily support these sexpresso girls. I mean, if someone is dumb enough to operate machinery that cranks up liquids over 140 degrees, liquids that frequently splash/spill, while wearing as little clothing as humanly possible they need all the help they can get. Seriously--uh, ow?

This isn't slavery, this isn't against their will, this is girls purposefully working where they're going to make a bit extra bank for sacrificing their dignity because men love them the pretty girls. If that's what they want to do, hey, who am I to stop them? They don't need me to respect them in the morning--if they come out of working there feeling liberated and happy, more power to them. I mean that.

You know what objectification is? Here's a good example: Getting a city to call these girls EROTIC ENTERTAINERS just because they serve coffee in bikinis. Demeaning them for choosing a job that has nothing to do with dollar bills being tucked next to tassled nipples and lap dances. That's not just demeaning, it's mean.

Maybe this should be a comment on our society and not these 'sexpresso stands'. Maybe instead of ringing the Whores Are Coming bell, the bell you should be ringing is the 'Oh No, Why Are We Raising Our Daughters To Be Okay With This' bell. It's the one right next to the 'Buy Her A Home Depot Tool Kit AND An Easy Bake Oven'.

So back off, Used-To-Be-Hot-Before-Four-Kids Minivan Mom (oh, hey, did I just pigeon hole you? I DID, didn't I? Gosh, I'm sorry. At least I didn't imply you were a whore!). Go get a fucking mani/pedi and some self-esteem. I'll defend these chicks all the way--I'd never, ever do it, but just because I can't respect it in myself doesn't mean I can't make room for other women to feel differently.

Books That Look Good (or not) and Other Cool Stuff

2008-08-05T11:18:00.001-07:00

This week feels like it should be bigger than it is. Maybe it'll feel that way by the end of the post.

In Very Important News, my Nightmare Before Christmas Deadly Nightshade jar is now my Angel The Puppet savings fund (meaning: it's where I'll put all my spare change until December). Also, it'll serve as my Angel The Puppet Spare Clothes fund, because while out on my awesome Geek Date on Sunday, I realized I could dress him up in other outfits.

My one regret: not having my camera on to capture husband's expression of horror as I exclaimed this beautiful, beautiful revelation. I think only Babs appreciated it (and that's FINE, two is the great beginning of an army).

How spectacular. Merry Holiday to me.

Onto the previews, but feel free to loiter and marvel at Angel The Puppet for as long as you like.

Hey, remember that "Sightings" banner that was supposed to go across the top of comics that tied into . . . something or other? Final Crisis, or was it pre-FC stuff? Whatever: I only recall seeing it the once, in that one book. JSA? JLA? I think it was JSA.

Anyway.

Nightwing #147: This is a RIP tie-in--supposedly--but it's also Tomasi, and if you've been paying attention you know I've really been enjoying his run. I have my suspicions that it'll end up like Detective Comics with me wishing they'd just rip the RIP Tie-In blurb off the top of it and it'd be just fine.

Two Face is in NY? And he's cranky about the corrupt? And he's wanting Dick to save an ex-girlfriend or he'll kill everyone? Aww, that's our Two-Face, extreme as ever.

We'll see. Considering Dick's supposed to be in Arkham, I'm not certain how this is a RIP tie-in at all, but man-oh-man, check that sexeh drool.

Mmmm.

PS: Looking at all the Nightwing blurbs for the coming months, this looks like what I think it is.

Okay, so I probably won't get the Hawkman Special, but I'm using the cover here anyways because this looks like a huge, cross-dressing Raven. And she's got the whoooole world in her hands . . .

Detective Comics #847: Still not a RIP tie-in! But still great, thanks Dini. Hush! His motivations! Catwoman! Here only because her monthly got canceled! Suckers! And that guy--Batman! And history items revealed! !!!

(Still not a tie-in. Just saying.)

Robin #176: You know, I'm feeling really awesome about this comic. Especially after that great, great--onemoretime--great Newsarama interview with Fabien Nicieza. Poor guy has to run a lot of damage control, put out some awesome last minute issues and deal with R.I.P. tie-ins, but I think he is the best guy to do the job. I really like the way he talks about Tim, about who he is and the way he's approaching this series. Very confidence inspiring, so at the very least he knows what should be said.

This, actually, looks like it could be a relevant tie-in and from everything Fabien said in the interview, it is! Wow! Amazement! Shock! Awe! So on!

Final Crisis #3: This is me not criticizing the cover. Except, what the HELL is on her head? Seriously. Is that the Super Ugly Mask Of Warthog Doom? Excerpt taken straight from DC, because they have just as many exclamation points as I would've: "Batman missing in action! Superman immobilized! Green Lantern on trial for his life! A shadow is falling across Earth's super heroes — and now it's Wonder Woman's turn to face the Evil Gods! What bizarre warning from beyond awaits Frankenstein, The Question and the agents of S.H.A.D.E. in the shadows of the Dark Side Club? What grim fate lies in store for The Human Flame? What happens when the Anti-Life Equation hits the internet? Can the Fastest Men Alive outrun The Black Racer — Death himself? And who are the Justifiers?"

First of all: I want a t-shirt that says "The Justifiers" on it. Alright? And I knew the internet was bad for all of us. KNEW IT. And maybe I want an "Agent of S.H.A.D.E." shirt too. Alright? A four-page preview is up here at Newsarama and I'm very, very excited for this issue.

. . . okay, I also want an "The Internet Has Anti-Life Equation" t-shirt, LOLZ style. Give me suggestion for phrase and whose image. If you say Supergirl, I'm going to fucking Prime punch you in the nads (and probably accidentally bring someone back to life). I'm looking at you, smart-ass.

I'll also be grabbing Final Crisis #1: Director's Cut Special because yeah, I'm their target demographic: SUPER-NERD.

And last for DC, but totally not least: Manhunter #33. Awwwwesome. A link between immigrants and big businesses? Clearly this is completely made-up. And Kate might go to court and we get to hear some awesome Lawyer Speak. I'm pleased.

Hyperkinetic #2: Robot fights! More great Howard Shum story with Matteo Scalera and Oscar Celestini art! And? And? Robot Fights! Also, some mechanical what's-its and doodads, as well as jungle wandering.

Good times to be had at all and if you need anymore convincing than that and what I said about #1, check a few pages preview here, at CBR.

Also, for those of you who budget or may need to make sure one is ordered for you, here's your two week warning about the Astounding Wolf-Man Vol. 1 release. Don't miss it!

And while I'm at it, I might as well poke you about getting your retailer (or Us!) to order The Roberts that'll be coming out in two weeks as well. It's just a two-issue run, so no big new investment for you. Story by Wayne Chinsang with art and covers by Erik Rose, this looks promisingly creepy (with a potential for wrongly funny, but I'm not sure). Synopsis courtesy Image site that finally let my browser load it after five tries:

"The Boston Strangler and the Zodiac Killer are alive and well, living amongst the old and dying of The Shady Lane Retirement Center. Surrounded by bingo tournaments and tea times, these two notorious serial killers quietly trade "war stories" about their golden years, two seemingly parallel pasts filled with violence and victims."

Neat, right? I know.

NYX #1: Snagged from Marvel site:

"The Story: There’s no place like home—just ask young mutant KIDEN NIXON. She’s survived the hard streets of Manhattan, and she’s built a home—and a family—for herself, with her friends TATIANA, BOBBY SOUL and his LI’L BRO. But with fewer than 200 mutants left on the planet, Kiden’s become a target—and when somebody strikes at one of her friends, Kiden’s going to find out just how much farther she can fall! Don’t miss the breathtaking return of this beloved series, by NEW YORK TIMES best-selling writer MARJORIE LIU (the DIRK & STEELE SERIES) with stunning art by KALMAN ANDRASOFSZKY!
Plus—a special behind-the-scenes gallery!"

Also not to be missed is Secret Invasion: Front Line #2, and yep, there goes my two Marvel titles of the week. Have fun Iron Man and Spider-Man fans.

Buffy #17: More of the awesome, awesome Fray. Fray who will steal and keep the show, because blondes may have more fun but purple. . . ettes kick more ass.

Take that.

And? Look who is on the cover with them? Faaaaantastic. I'm very excited about this Fray storyline.

Clearly.

Spike: AtF #2 is up from IDW too, which just gets Fray and Spike meetings all aflutter in my head. How epic and awesome would that be?

Hm, I guess that was a little bit bigger than I thought. Go DC, though.

That Batman Movie

2008-08-04T11:04:00.000-07:00

Uh, spoilers for TDK.

So, three weeks late and after probably literally everyone else, I saw The Dark Knight last night.

This was an intensely awesome film. This isn't really news to anyone and all the actors were phenomenal and I think Ledger's portrayal of the Joker was everything everyone said it would be. Actually, I lie--it was more. Way, way more.

I really, really liked it and I want to stress that, because as much as I liked it, wow gaping plot issues.

I think the Bushism complains I'm hearing are pretty off--it's my opinion that Nolan and Co totally did go there, but they did it in a way that shows how well technology like that can be used. How responsibly, by putting it into the hands of someone who is moral enough for it. On the grounds that it made Batman too right-wing, I just don't see it--the movie was way, way tamer than his OMACs--this Batman actually put up a failsafe for someone else to stop him. But I do, however, think it had no place in the second movie.

Batman's Super Control Freak could have been--and, in my opinion, should have been one of the villains in the third movie. I hear a lot 'how do you top ninjas and then Joker?'. Well, you do it by the inner struggle, not that a lot of popcorn-munching wham-bam movie-goers want to see it. So pair that with a physical villain and I think there could be a really great third movie. Two Face, perhaps? After all, we didn't see him go into the ground. . .

I think the Control Freak Radar System would've made an awesome villain, because it's one of Batman's biggest struggles is 'how far is too far for the greater good' and 'when does surveillance become tyranny'.

Against the Joker, a weapon so high tech just doesn't work for me. I wanted a more visceral show down between the pair--not necessarily a fight scene, but more of that play. Reducing that to show an aspect of Batman's inner conflict that had previously gotten five minutes of screen time was a large loss. The movie would have been much, much better if that idea had been held off until the third film--or if it was introduced towards the end as a build for the third.

The movie didn't go deep enough, and for a two and a half hour film I expected it to go pretty deep. While it definitely didn't get anywhere near the Spider-Man Problem of having way too much going on, it started to tread down that path. I don't think any action sequences would've needed to have been sacrificed--thus keeping the Wham-Bam-Thank-You-Director crowd happy--to accomplish a deeper, more thoughtful film.

All in all, I thought so much of that movie was a bit rushed--I had no idea the Joker saying once for Batman to unmask was such a big deal until twenty minutes later when Batman was angsting about it. I didn't feel particularly threatened by the Joker's demands until the judge and commissioner died. I think a lot of the development was shallow--why couldn't we see Joker waltzing into the hospital and planting the bombs or get a few glimpses of him working everyone behind the scenes? A lot of the main plot came across vague and confusing.

But fuck, did Ledger steal the show, imo. Good God, that was an amazing acting job--that scene in the police station? Totally gave me chills.

Maybe I'm being too picky--my husband laughed at me on the way home because of how I can't just enjoy something without thinking it to death.

Oh My Cheese, It's Hoxford

2008-08-01T15:55:00.000-07:00

Newsarama has a preview up of Welcome To Hoxford, Ben Templesmith's upcoming comic from IDW due to hit the shelves in August.

In the debut issue of Welcome to Hoxford, Raymond Delgado isn’t welcome at all. Rather, he’s the newest inmate at the Hoxford Correctional Facility and Mental Institution. He has no hope of release, parole, rehabilitation, or decent conversation. On a good day, he'll tell you he's Zeus and only bite your arm off. Literally. On a bad day, you won't have time to scream to the prison guard for help. But Dr Jessica Ainley, his doctor for five years, wants to help Ray and can't understand why the newly privatized, corporately run prison, won't give her access to her patients. And why are people always transferred into Hoxford, but no records show anyone ever transferring back out…?

It's fantastic, of course. Of course. I'm so pleased and about a thousand times more impatient for the rest now.

Oh, yeah, it's probably not for the faint of heart or whatever. Horrolicious. Absolutely yummy. It's on your pull list, right? Yes? It better be.

Flash: Rebirth and Other Things

2008-07-31T19:40:00.000-07:00

Goddamn, look at that art! To me, Geoff Johns and Ethan Van Sciver make one of the best comic book teams out there. I consistently love their work seperately and together, it's even better. They must totally feed off each other. CBR has a great Spotlight article on Van Sciver, which you should go read here. I really admire and appreciate the way he approaches comics and how he feels about them--probably a really cool guy to grab food with.

I'm so excited about this title and all you disbelievers can go eat bugs.

That's right. Bugs.

He's four feet tall. Leather-clad. A wee little puppet man, if you will. And? His nose comes off. In the absolute coolest thing I've seen in months, in December, Angel The 1:1 Replica Puppet will hit the shelves for a mere $325.00.

I'm going to be putting out a tip jar with a picture of the advertisement from Previews on it.

Hot damn, look at that handsome little puppet face.

And? And? You can put your hand inside him.

No. Not there.

/cheap jokes.

CBR has another great article with three of my faves, Fabio Moon, Gabriel Ba and Becky Cloonan. Good read, I was really excited about all their Eisner wins this time around.

This Week In Comics Or: Campaign For Crotch Starts Here

2008-07-31T10:45:00.000-07:00

Due to my new Campaign For Crotch, I've added some new aspects to the superhero comics I'm reviewing: Crotch Shot and Ass Shot counters. I'm debating a Rack Shot as well, but we'll see. Also added is Gems, which are just specific wonderfuls from an issue I liked.

I'm going to start off with Locke & Key #6 because it was everything a final issue should be. Which is spectacular when you bring in the fact that this winter, it's back (24 issues I think?) with Locke & Key: Head Games. Gabriel Rodriguez banged the art out on this one--he can match Joe Hill's writing so perfectly, keep the creepy coming and the character's expressions are always dead on to the dialogue (see a bad example of this in Ms. Marvel, page 14, I believe).

Jay Fotos on color can't be ignored either, as he does an excellent job with finishing the art and keeping the mood as well.

But the real prize here is the story--this is one of the best final issues I've read in a while, it keeps the suspense and the mysteries up for just the right amount of time and involving every one of the Locke family members in rescuing them from uncertain, scar-faced peril made me immensely happy. And the last three pages just make it rock. A very, very nice 'It isn't over yet, see us in the winter' smack without undoing the resolution we get from the previous pages.

Gems: A 30 Days Of Night poster on in one of the kid's bedrooms. Utter confirmation that girls in wells are still immensely creepy. Little boys seeing the evil no one else does. Best ghostly images ever. Magical Key sex changes are the awesome.

Recommendation: It's too late now, isn't it? So make sure you order the trade and put Locke & Key: Head Games on your pull lists for the winter.

Ms. Marvel #29: I added this one to my grab list because I was so completely rocked by her awesomeness in #28 that I was compelled to see how awesome she was again. Greg Horn's cover aside, I wasn't disappointed. Brian Reed writing, Adriana Melo penciling the first ten pages and Paulo Siquera taking over pages 11 through 16.

I really, really liked the art, but it's clear I like Melo and not Siquera. There's this panel on what I think is page 14--if my counting skills are decent--where she and Agent Sum are talking on the street and suddenly there's a Lord Of The Rings style mob of Skrulls heading towards them. What she's saying is, "And right now, I'd like an easily defensible position" with some Skrully Language Text above the bubble, but her and Agent Sum's expressions look like they're surprised.

Um. Dude, she just spent the better part of two issues kicking a ton of Skrull ass. I'm pretty sure at this point a huge mob isn't going to get her to open-mouth shock. She looks childishly surprised and it does not match what she's saying at all.

Way to strike a pet peeve there. Gragh.

Ms. Marvel's fucking bad--she would've narrowed her eyes, squared herself off and and taken them on. Just saying.

Other than that, though, I really liked this issue. Especially the extremely creepy last three pages. Ritualistic killing = creepy love.

Gems: First page, Ms. Marvel telling everyone to run as the Big Ass Skrull closes in--she looks fucking bad ass. Lightning eyes coming through smoke/rubble. "Alright you gigantic Skrull &%$#". All her thoughts. "Welcome to New York." Wanting to have a Skrull bonfire. Crazy Skrull doing ritualistic killings.

Ass Shots: Ms. Marvel: 9

Crotch Shots: Skrull: 3

Recommendation: I'm adding it to my pull list--over all this is a really well-written female superhero comic with a few art bumps that I can forgive, only for Reed's writing.

Blue Beetle #29: Well, Rogers is credited on the cover, but don't let that fool you, because it's actually Matthew Sturges writing with Rafael Albuquerque doing the art as well as the terrific, terrific cover.

This is Sturges first issue and aside from a few little bumps--only one that really stuck with me, which was just that the Scarab didn't seem to have the same vibe with Jaime as before--I really, really took to his writing well.

Great issue, keeping him funny and clever and as immensely loveable as he's always been.

Teenagers should always be written like this, so I hope another teenager writer is paying attention here.

This issue is kicking off another arc, Boundaries, where Jaime learns what a title fight is and then runs into some border jumpers, gets suckered by a pretty girl's sob story and he ends up needing to track down the guys who have Steroid Super-Juice (not Deathstroke's, they're boys and the Evil Man Juice is Girls Only). This is a wonderful set-up issue and a really good jumping on point if you haven't been keeping up with this book.

The one-liners in this issue were outstanding. Let me say it again: outstanding. Sturges can give lessons on them.

Gems: "Whoa--there are some people who should just not attempt a Power Girl costume"-Nadia. Anything Peacemaker says--all of it can just go right onto a t-shirt as far as I'm concerned. Title fights: when a villain dies and two guys fight for the name. "No way man, I already got the tattoo!" Anything Peacemaker says. Anything. Teenage boys saying, "I don't actually understand what's happening here." Jaime making his own sound effects. Jaime still be excited about having a secret identity. Jaime sucking at being on TV. Jaime. "Magnetist".

Crotch Shots: Peacemaker: 1
Jaime: 1
Some Fat Guy: 1 (also? underbelly. ew.)

Recommendation: Awesome. Add it to your list if it wasn't there already. I was really, really pleased with Sturges and he should be quite pleased with himself for knocking out a great issue.

Pilot Season: The Core #1. If you haven't read by The Nightly News by Jonathon Hickman yet, how about you get to that this week? Or now.

He does it again and this time it's a sci-fi story. He throws you right into a world that is clearly well-defined (or seems very well-defined), so everything is very believable when offered up.

We're following a human, Asimov Dedeken, as he tries out for Selection to become part of an elite military team, Red Sector and all the way through to the end of his first mission.

Dedeken is immediately likeable--and delicious, ladies--as are the members of his team. As are the mysteries surrounding an intergalactic federation. As is everything about this story, but I'm determined not to get too spoilery.

This is awesome and that's what you need to know. It's all the way awesome and gives me heavy, heavy voting conflict with Jay Faerber's Urban Myths. Basically, I'll vote twice for each and leave it at that. Hopefully no matter how this goes, we can get more from The Core, because I'm outrageously curious--maybe . . . yes, Hickman earns the extra vote because I'm just so damn curious. Fantastic teaser issue--Hickman lays out the world for us with disgusting ease, brings the reader right in and ties it all together with a letter to home but still digging his hooks in so we want more, more, more.

The art by Kenneth Rocafort is gorgeous and perfectly my taste and the center page listing populations and descriptions of part of the core areas is fascinating. His panel work, the way he makes them flow together is just great. Exceptional colors brought to us by Dave McCaig and Nathan Fairbairn.

Gems: All of it. No, really. This book blew me away. Especially Kryssun'Duldin-Wamul, who is a gorgeous non-human female with plenty of attitude and sharp looks. I love sharp girls.

Recommendation: Get it. Then vote for him in August. Hot damn.

I'll post the rest tomorrow morning, as there's a reorder sitting here with my name on it. The rest being, Green Lantern, Joker's Asylum: Two Face, Skaar Son of Hulk, Narcopolis, Huntress and Reign In Hell.

Comment away!

I Wrote Stuff

2008-07-30T21:22:00.000-07:00

Kirk Warren over at The Weekly Crisis asked me to write an article for a guest blog spot over at his awesome site (God knows why, really) about why I buy the comics I buy. Which was a lot of fun to do and I'm immensely flattered to have been asked, considering the other guys that were asked to do it as well. Very nice and I enjoyed getting a chance to sit at that lunch table.

I'd be totally okay if you went and checked out my Why Do I Buy Certain Comic Books article at his site and while you're doing that, you should read Greg Hatcher and Lee Newman's answers to why they buy the comics they buy. Naturally, they're both really excellent and interesting. Tomorrow and Friday has more guest blogger articles too, so be sure to check back there for them.

Awesome awesomeness.

Now to go read through all the comments on that Supergirl post (ps JG Jones: I'm so disappointed. Also: It's her looking 'contemplative'? I didn't think anything could make that worse for me, but that so, so did. Jesus on a pogo stick.)

This Is Why Women Don't Believe You or: Give Us Crotch

2008-07-28T11:33:00.000-07:00

So, there's been a lot of hype over the new Supergirl team and how they're going to make her great and new and different and, as one of them said in a recent panel 'not slutty'. What an idea. And wow, how pathetic is it that 'not slutty' had to be a selling point for this book.

Which is awesome! Totally! See, we women have been just kind of wanting that, so it's really nice to hear.

Except for how I get this in last week's shipment (excuse the flash glare and whatnot):

Feel free to click and examine, I'll still be here when you get back. And by 'examine', I don't mean examine like you would a porn. Though clearly that was the aim here.

I love how 'she won't be slutty' has become a selling point for this title and yet, her promo poster shows her pointing to her mouth like a well-seasoned porn star. No one can say that isn't what she's doing--what the hell else would she be pointing at? What possible other reason is there to pose like that? That's a "put it right here, big boy" face and just a tip--real girls don't do that. Real girls don't do that unless there's something they are bargaining for or are newlyweds.

It's fucking ridiculous, is what it is, and this is why women in comics bitch.

Granted, a lot of people seem to get pretty up in arms about really, really stupid things that I tend to not agree with, but this one? I'm leading the train, because goddammit, if artists are going to over-sexualize everything with a rack, by God I want some equal treatment. You know what I want?

Crotch.

That's right. I'm going to start my campaign for crotch shots. Yeah, yeah. That's what I'll do. "Campaign For Crotch" with a slogan of, "Men Are Objects Too!!". Did anyone notice Robin's suspicious lack of bulge in his last issue with that fine, fine last page pose? I did.

I'll accept ass shots too, or some fine, fine arm muscles. I want equal fucking objectification. I want my men half-naked with their asses thrust out as they bend over to pick up their weapons. I want superfluous ass shot and crotch shot panels. I want objectification of men all over the issue covers and I want it now.

Combine the whoredom of a teenage girl and a marketing ploy that involves her become a better treated character and mix in a healthy dose of 'This Is The Girl That Wouldn't Touch Me In High School So Now I'll Show HER' and you get my utter disgust. Guys, this is why ladies don't believe anything you say. Just to let you know.

Campaign for Crotch starts now. Who's in?

Oh Look, It's Geeked

2008-07-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

I randomly tweeted my blog needs a banner, because it did (you're tweeting, right? My mission to get everyone I know tweeting needs to be accomplished).

And so neat, Kirk randomly made me an awesome one with possibly the closest-to-me-picture I think I've seen drawn by Not-Rin and super letters. And now I'm going fidget with my layout to make it match the awesome after my lasagna is done.

A big thank you again for taking the time, you're stellar. (If I read more Spider-Man, there'd totally be more Parkerism for you here, but I don't, so I'll let my commenters and your imagination fill in the gap in a "What Would Parker Say")

There were cooler, adult Spider-Man 'Thank You' pictures out there,
but they all had flying crotches front and center.
Pretty sure that's not a nice show of appreciation.
Also: He's adorable, so would've won anyway.

Also note: I never thought I'd need to use 'blog chic' as a tag again. I LOVE it.

Edit: It's such a compulsion to have a pretty blog. It's like doing my hair before I--wait, no, I don't do that. Fine. It's like putting on a bra before I leave the house. The ladies understand.

. . . ladies.

This Week's Read Pile, or: Not At SDCC

2008-07-25T14:43:00.000-07:00

Having kids is a constant opportunity to observe just how stupid we humans are. I get to marvel at how we've made it this far: we have no fur, our soft bits aren't covered by dense bone and we have impulses to eat anything our chubby fingers grasp and then stick said chubby fingers into little toys and get stuck.

Took Bug to the fire house yesterday to have a plastic kaleidoscope removed from his index finger.

I love firemen. Especially three attractive, well-muscled firemen who let Bug sit on the fire engine as they crowded around and debated the best removal tactic. They eventually grabbed industrial cutters and popped the plastic kaleidoscope-y bit off and cut. Bug asked them not to cut his finger off--and added on a 'please' in a fantastic show of those manners I'm attempting to train him into.

I brought them cookies as a thank you--did not bake them, however, because I can't bake. But I bought them expensive, delicious cookies to compensate.

And that story right there? Is actually an excellent summary of how my entire week went. Just in case you cared.

Onto the comics.

Ambush Bug: Year None #1: How was this in any way shape or form not fun? Wonder Chick did everything on the title, but I'm pretty sure that Keith Giffen helped with pencils and plot, Robert Loren Fleming put a little assistance in with writing it, and the colors were given a little oomph by Guy Major.

Jonni DC has been killed and it's up to Ambush Bug to track down the killer! Special Guest Appearances by: The Source Wall-who may or may not have been molested by Darkseid, robbed by the Jackson Five, and seems a wee bit bitter over appearance changes; Cheeks the Toy Wonder (a drawing of a doll); Cecil Sunbeam of the Green Team; Argh!yle--complete with an intimidating metal mask that has nothing to do with his wear and tear; Phantom Stranger Bastard Child #273 and more!

Welcome to the crack, where you can find excellent, excellent lines (and a gravestone for thought balloons) and generally a goofy, great time.

Very fun, very silly. I definitely enjoyed this, especially for Ambush's arguments with his thought bubbles/rectangles/narration. As Chris said over in his No-One-Is-Paying-Attention-To-Us-'Cause-They're At/Stalking-SDCC review post (and he's so right), this is the book for the hardcore DC geeks-others may just read this and fall into 'what-the-fuckery' about it. And I too, fall into the former. I should be mildly ashamed, but I'm still snickering. Maybe later? I shouldn't have laughed at "Stephanie Brown L'il Dickens Power Tool Playkit" but I did. And just for writing about it, I'm laughing again. Poor ~~Cheeks~~Stephanie.

Recommendation: Bring on the crack, bring on the Ambush Bug.

Nocturnals: Carnival of Beasts: Dan Brereton wrote all three stories, did the art on Beasts while Viktor Kalvachev did art and lettering on The Scrimshaw Crown and Ruben Martinez did art on Night of the Candy Butcher (awesome title, btw). This was awesome, right? I thought so. The art was on and the stories were both interesting and fun--maybe not the best for a-possible-attempted-resurrection of a series for new fans, but I think it should whet some appetites for the collected volume, that is thirty bucks--I thought it was more, hunh, oh well--and what? what? Very last page, you say what? A return in the fall with The Sinister Path?!

I love Image. And Dan Brereton.

All three stories were stellar, my favorite was definitely the first one though. Doc Horror is hot as a werewolf and I don't care what that makes me. The art was also glorious. Reading these made me yank out the volume and reread all that too immediately following it.

And I'm tempted to again, just because I can.

And I still want a Gunwitch doll. Anybody?

Recommendation: Don't let this series die on me again: buy or Gunwitch will get you.

Everything else was what I thought it would be in my previews and I didn't actually grab anything--

Oh wait. I lie, I lie, there was a random book I snagged.

The Straw Men #1: Is a Zenoscope release. Joe Brusha is adapting it from the book by Michael Marshall. Brett Weldele is on art.

This was interesting in the best sense of the word. I've never read the book, but I found the art suited the story being told very well and the pacing of it was a bit surreal for me. I felt like I should've wanted the pacing to be faster during some scenes, but it wasn't and instead of throwing me off the book, it just made the scene feel like it was happening in slow-time, which suited it.

This was a good set-up issue, laid down events and happenings quite nicely and definitely made me curious enough to grab #2. I don't actually have a recommendation beyond give it a check out and see what you think.

I'm going to leave you here--this wasn't a dazzling week in comic books, but it wasn't a terrible one. The biggest surprise is how I'll be picking up the next issue of Immortal Iron Fist. I was pleasantly surprised by it, and while I wasn't totally won, I wasn't lost either.

Middling!

Joker's Asylum is probably my favorite mini of the year--too bad DC missed the boat on Jason Aaron, he could've written an awesome ongoing about mainstream DC villains.

Can we have an awesome ongoing about mainstream DC Villains? We're getting Secret Six, after all. I say this should be just the start of a fantastic new wave in comics. Final Crisis can usher it in. Let Darkseid win. Spend two years writing Villain-based superhero comics.

. . . please.

And all you bastards at SDCC: Have fun.

What's DC Doing Wrong?

2008-07-22T21:20:00.000-07:00

Kirk Warren wrote a great article that's up at the Weekly Crisis regarding his ideas on why DC's falling farther behind Marvel in its sales, and supporting thoughts from readers that commented on a previous query he put out there about this topic. He tackles the issue from a bunch of different, interesting angles--their marketing, public relations, continuity, lack of new blood and more--in an excellently well thought out manner. I especially like it because it isn't marked with the bias that's usually found when people tackle this topic.

Hop on over, give it a read and then chime on in.

Books That Look Good (or not)

2008-07-21T11:06:00.000-07:00

Oh look, I'm getting this done on a Monday. How effective of me. Okay, it's Monday night, but still.

Quick note: There were definitely two books that should've been on the Please To Do Not Miss list last week. So check and see if they're still in your store: Charlatan Ball #2 and Sky Doll #3.

Onto this week!

Image

Invincible #51: Kicking off the next fifty issues-there's a new sidekick, new slamming costume and an excellent hopping on point for readers that have been wanting to read this series. Pick up the trades, definitely, but hop on the train at this stop.

Image Monster Pile-Up #1, which are mini-primers for various monster series' they have out right now--Astounding Wolf-Man, Firebreather, Proof and Perhapanauts. For $1.99, I think this is a must-grab to check out some books you'll probably end up adding to your pick up lists.

Comic Book Tattoo is . . . something like an anthology built around Tori Amos, where a bunch of the awesome people in the business each write stories inspired by a song of hers, in such a huge variety of genres that it's impossible not to find a story you'll love. Or fifty stories. $50.00 for the hardcover is no joke (the softcover version is $29.99 as well as a limited edition, signed and numbered for $149.99--anyone feel like going broke for an early birthday present for me?), but this'll be well worth it--if you work it out, it's less than a buck a story! Rationalizing for the win. The contributor list is super too, CBR did a great story on this here, where you can get some sneak peeks at a few pages and read more about how much work and crazy talent went into it. Grab it!

Nocturnals: Carnival Of Beasts is out too and I love the Nocturnals. Love. Love. Love. Love so hard and this is going to be 64 pages of awesome. The art here is phenomenal--very easily one of my top ten favorites and the characters are fascinating and fun and the writing is always just great. I can't say enough good things about this--pick this up. So good! A one shot (unfortunately for me), with three stories--"Beasts" that follows Doc Horror (who is my imaginary comic book boyfriend, just so you know), "The Scrimshaw Crown" featuring Starfish, the amphibian girl and "Candy Butchers" with Halloween Girl, Gunwitch (I want a Gunwitch doll. I want a Gunwitch doll SO BAD) and Polychrome.

Listen, if you ever find yourselves with forty bucks to spare, you very desperately need to pick up the hardcover that collects all of Nocturnals. You won't be disappointed.

Ambush Bug: Year None #1 is one book you shouldn't, by any means or for any reason, miss out on. I'm really looking forward to it--DC has a preview you can download in PDF, so you may assure yourself of the awesomeness before dropping cash on it.

Ambush Bug! The answer to my woes.

Batman: Gotham After Midnight #3 is out, which means it probably isn't too late to grab the first two issues of this series--which has been awesome.

Green Lantern Corps #26 concluding the 'Ring Quest' arc in a fight with Mongul and Mother (May I) Mercy.

The Joker's Asylum: Scarecrow: has been, over all, really fucking great. The peak for me was definitely the Penguin story, which I actually can't stop muscling people into reading, and the latest Poison Ivy one was decent. Man, that Penguin one is a hard one to follow, though. Yum.

Robin #175 is out too and the first issue for a R.I.P. tie-in that may or may not actually be a tie-in. I'm going to assume that it's a real one, and not a faux to snag your wallet, what with how Robin is totally on the run from crazies in Batman R.I.P. But who knows! Aside from us, on Wednesday.

Marvel

Angel: Revelations #3: Last month I joked, but this week I'm sincere in my belief I'm the only person I know reading this. Clearly appreciation for snotty rich boys isn't high in my neck of the woods.

Avengers: The Initiative #15: This has easily been one of my favorite Marvel titles. Goodness all over the place. And awesome goggles.

Skrulls #1: . . . look at that cover! I couldn't resist slapping it up here. Awesomeness. I am completely tempted to print this out and tape it up to the mirrors in my bathrooms, just to scare the fuck out of my roomie and husband sometime this week. Wouldn't that be hilarious? For me?

Again my curiosity calls for this and am hoping it isn't just a restatement of everything we already know--the synopsis said 'original material' dammit, I want a good amount and not just one page while the rest is filled with old Skrull crap. This could be a really spectacular tie-in. Or it could just be annoying. We'll see.

Uncanny X-Men #500: Duh. Brubaker and Fraction? Awesome. How could I not? How can anyone not? Even if I don't pick up any other Uncanny's after this, I'll grab this to check out the hype. And hey, all those variants. Marvel never does that . . .

Any you think I missed?

Also: new icon is courtesy of my roommate, who decided I should at least have a color one. And yes, that tends to be my default expression.

Riding The Fail Whale and a Happy Birthday

2008-07-17T07:47:00.000-07:00

All aboard!

Or maybe just me.

The fail whale helped me accomplish no previews or reviews, thanks to not actually reading them, thanks to missing work, thanks to feeling spectacularly terrible. The next stop on the fail whale's trip was the most terrible of all, in which I miss out on seeing an IMAX preview of The Dark Knight.

No, no, you didn't read that wrong.

Someone behaved like a mature adult who was likely to pass out on their long drive home at midnight and opted to not take the long drive home at midnight in favor of going home and dying in bed.

Someone hates herself.

The fail whale has also accompanied me around the house, in where laundry is staring at me to get folded and I still haven't gone through the kids winter clothes and boxed them up for donation. And a ton of other things around here. La la la.

The fail whale is also getting the comic strip I'm supposed to be scanning and leveling out to post it up here. La la. It doesn't actually matter, I was going to load it up and have it post on Monday anyways. I'm not technically late.

The fail whale hasn't gotten my writing, at least, which I've been enjoying and has also missed Dr. Horrible, which I've also been enjoying. More on the good Doctor later, after I rewatch episodes one and two a few hundred times. The fail whale will just eat anything I write anyways and turn it into unclever TRIPE.

The fail whale has utterly missed the awesome Quiana, as it is her birthday and all fail whales should ignore birthday girls. Especially birthday girls as fierce as her. So happy birthday, you, and have a great day. Beware the ever jealous Bark Bark Lady and her crew.

They're singing Happy Birthday to you. You just can't hear it.

Next Monday I'm back on track with everything, until then, the fail whale and I are on a highway to hell.

This Week's Read Pile, or: Sparklers Screw You Again!

2008-07-12T08:54:00.000-07:00

Whenever comics ship late, it totally throws my week off. I can't decide if I'm just a little too set in routine (I'M SPONTANEOUS. REALLY) or if it's okay. Also, as I'm watching Constantine, I'm wondering if Keanu hadn't been cast and they'd gotten an actor that could actually . . . um . . . change expression and just kept everything else the same, whether or not everyone would've liked this movie.

La. Dee. Dah.

Well, comics were fucking excellent this week, weren't they? Was there a bad one in my bunch? Not really. Well, Detective Comics as a R.I.P. tie-in sort of miffed me, but the story was good. Hush! How could anyone with a proper soul deny Hush?

It was a smallish week, but God, every book I read really smacked it out of the park. I am a happy reader. Let's do it!

This week, they're not really in any particular order, except for the first one, which is totally my Book Of The Week.

I Kill Giants #1: Joe Kelly (from various Marvel and DC titles Supergirl, to name a recent one, also Steampunk. Apologies for earlier mix up, I'm clearly never allowed to start a review at seven in the morning again.) writing with JM Ken Niimura on art. Maybe it's because I was a dork in grade school (no, really, I wasn't always this coordinated or pretty! shock!) or maybe because I'm not dead and rotted out inside, but the first issue for I Kill Devils owned my dork ass.

Remember fifth grade? Remember being so awkward? Remember being really into something that no one else was? Remember being that kid the teachers dreaded hearing from in the middle of class?

I do!

And as such, I really connected with this. I love Barbara Thorson. I love how she's clever enough to know all those things the girls are talking about are stupid, and human enough to feel left out that she isn't talking about them too. And then smart enough to be mad at herself for caring. She's strong enough to stand up to a shoddy D&D player's attitude, but lonely enough to blame herself for ruining the game. Even though she was right.

I totally believe she kills giants and raise my broadsword in honor. My inner fifth grader has found a kindred spirit.

I debated doing an in-depth spoilery review, but opted not to, in favor of letting you guys enjoy it without too much spoiled.

Recommendation: Grab this immediately, before it's too late and you're stuck waiting a year for the trade. This is, easily, one of the most poignant books of the year.

I want bunny ears to wear in support, dammit.

Pilot Season: Urban Myths written by Jay Faerber and art done by Jorge Molina.

I lied, this one's in order too. Definitely my second favorite book of the week. The art is fantastic--really vital and smooth and completely delicious. And I loved the coloring. All of it, actually, was just awesome.

As was the story--an intensely clever opening story that introduces us to our hero-of-sorts, Jack Kaklamanis, Medusa's son. He's a private eye who's been hired to find a missing girl. Jack is a solid introduction--interesting from the get-go, as is the case and where it leads him. The art just rounds the story out and bangs it into life--I could spend an hour flipping through this again just to look at it and examine all the backgrounds and random characters.

The mythology play is really interesting and finding mythology mixed with the crime noir genre should be strange. It isn't--it reads really naturally, which isn't easy to do in a fantasy universe, but Faerber solves the problem by handing us characters--including the ones we'll probably never see again--that are deep and rich and completely identifiable. Go figure.

It's a solid one-issue story that is really self-contained--which is good, since it's an entry for Pilot Season--but manages to promise so, so much more if Faerber gets the votes. So give them to him, would you?

Recommendation: A hit waiting to happen and you definitely won't be disappointed by this. Eat it up, then in August hit MySpace (oh god, twice in three weeks, I should die) and vote for this one. Don't worry, I'll remind all of you again come August.

Booster Gold #1,000,000: Geoff Johns and Jeff Katz wrote this gem, with pencils by Dan Jurgens, finished art by Norm Rapmund (someone take a moment in comments to explain what 'finished art' is if it isn't inking) and Hi-Fi doing colors.

How was this not awesome? Johns and Katz wrap up their run with a completely awesome epilogue that ties up everything from their run, leaves off with an interesting twist that I'm not sure if I'm going to get too invested in (is there any word on who is taking over after they abandon us? aside from the Dixon two or three issue arc?).

But yeah, okay, I lied again. Booster's number three on my list this week and for good reason. This was such a great finishing touch story, it really gave Booster a chance to show how much he's grown since the first issue--hell, obviously since 52. And he gets validated by the resident Crazy Obsessed Bat, which is worth Clayface's weight in gold. Not only does he get validated, he gets recognized by one of the top three--and I don't think there's anything better than one of the greatest heroes recognizing the things you do, especially when you go into it thinking no one will ever, ever know about it.

The art's a perfect match with the story--naturally--and I'm really glad Dan Jurgen's going to be staying on.

Recommendation: I think this is a great stand alone story as well--it serves the purpose of wrapping up things for a long-time reader, but a new reader wouldn't be lost as to what the hell's going on, why and who Booster Gold is. A good jumping on point, as the book contains a summary of past events and character exposition and growth.

Graaaab it.

Joker's Asylum: Penguin: Remember that time I said I didn't like Penguin? About how he came across as a bit of a joke and I couldn't ever take him seriously? About how he's my least favorite villain and I wish he wasn't involved in anything at all. And oh, yeah, I was disappointed he was getting an issue in this mini, because he was useless.

Jason Aaron, the writer, completely proves me wrong with a goddamn stellar book that easily slammed up into my favorites of the week. I'm now a little in love with Penguin. This issue was a glory. It was creepy. It was sad. And the art, thanks to Jason Pearson, completely matched the moods and gave us a believably adorable, pitiable and nearly likeable Oswald and just as easily handed us panels of a creepy, nightmare-inducing Penguin.

I've an urge to frame a few of these pages.

Joker gives us a story about love, Arkham Style, and we're handed an Oswald Cobblepott who is truly pitiable. It's an old cliche--the evil beautiful girls crushing souls under their merciless, well-shaped feet--but it's used so well in this story that I can't mind it.

And we see a different side of Oswald, we see how his psychosis spawned, we see what feeds it.

We also see Batman is totally his Girl Talk Boyfriend in a scene that had me laughing aloud and loving it.

God, this was creepy. The art was creepy. The story was creepy. The twists of clutchingly sweet to creepy were . . . creepy awesome. Do you think I'm over-using 'creepy' here?

I'm totally not, you'll see.

Recommendation: Well fucking done and should've been read by you this week. I enjoyed this so much more than I thought it would--I actually read it last on my block and God, was that a mistake. I want more of this Penguin. I want him everywhere in the DCU, fucking up your noise and bringing in the birds.

I wanna give Jason Aaron a hug.

Final Crisis: Requiem: I snagged this because of Peter Tomasi and Doug Mahnke's Black Adam mini last yearish. I figured, yeah, I like Martian Manhunter, but I'm not totally devesated or anything over him dying.

I almost wish I hadn't read this, because then I never would've cared he died and definitely wouldn't be so ripped up about it now. I wouldn't have cared at all and now I'm so incredibly moved by this goodbye book, by his final message and his life that I want to go out, grab everything J'onn was ever in and eat it up.

God, this was so good. It was so good. Tomasi and Mahnke'll completely knock you out with J'onn's final moments, with his death scene and his viciousness for life that resonates throughout every page.

Agh. Gah. So good. So good.

Recommendation: If you weren't attached to J'onn, I'm going to punish you (because I love you. And I'm suffering too) by recommending you pick this up. Pick it up and love him.

Warner Bros and DC Discussing Movie Strategies?

2008-07-11T07:22:00.000-07:00

This is a hopeful thing to wake up and read. DC, top creaters and top dogs over at WB discussing movies and probably discussing how to go about doing what Marvel is doing by linking all their movies together.

Fans have spent years saying what they want to see from comic book movies is an all-over sort of continuity. Studios have been reluctant to push this, thanks to wallets and requiring actors to sign contracts, the difficulty of retaining directors and writers and on and on and on. Basically, laziness.

Marvel sort of bit the bullet and just did it, didn't they? And wow shit, did it work. I'm not the only one who noticed how good Hulk ended up doing, right? 55 million on opening weekend isn't anything to sniff at for a movie sequel, especially a movie sequel to something that was fucking terrible. Good job, Marvel.

Of course DC needs to do the same thing.

But you know, I really, really love comic book movies. Even ones that aren't faithful to the comic book--pause: Not X-Men. X-Men was terrible, screw the continuity and all that, it was just bad all by its own self.

I liked Superman Returns. No--I loved it. I thought it was true to the characters while creating a completely different universe for Superman. Something differing from the comic books and honestly? That's what I want to see. Characters that are the characters we know and love from the books put in different universes so we're not just watching a story we've all already read. I don't really want to pay $40 bucks for two in a theater for a comic I have at home.

Drawing inspirations from comics is one thing--The Dark Knight writers and actors have pulled from plenty of the Batman classics--but just repeating a story? I don't care. I want the origin stories to mirror, of course--because that's the character--but I don't actually want to rewatch Infinite Crisis. Though . . . it would be pretty cool. I liked the Superbaby--blasphemer, I know!--and I also like things that are different.

I mean . . . shit, we're reading eighty different titles and Wolverine is in seventy-eight of them. How worried about continuity can fanboys really be? Or is it just one more thing to pick at because face it, ninety percent of fanboys just want something to complain about.

I think the powers of continuity bitching (+20 with the Helmet of History) just come from all that sex they're not getting.

So, if DC hops aboard the movie linking train, what are the movies you want to see hitting the theaters? A few of the obvious ones: Wonder Woman, Green Lantern, The Flash. But what else?

Shazam?

I Love Teenagers (No. Really)

2008-07-09T22:48:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'm a terrible, terrible person and a huge, huge bitch, but I think this story is one of the funniest goddamn things I've ever read.

I am actually still laughing.

That smart-ass. <333

Stupid Things I Think About

2008-07-08T10:08:00.000-07:00

So, up here in Washington State we have the ever-lovely I-405. Which I've happened to noticed, during the exceptional morning and afternoon traffic, has no Exit 8. There's 7 and 9, but no 8 to be found anywhere.

My first thought shouldn't have been, "But what did seven eat?!"

Other things I thought while driving this morning, that perhaps I shouldn't have, was, "Hm. I wonder if I'm too tired to drive?"

Stellar news, everyone: No, I was not too tired to drive. I do, however, look quite tired today and will likely startle a few customers because I don't trust myself not to stab myself in the eye with my eyeliner. Thank you, my delicate little Lyn Hippo, for enjoying only three hours of sleep with me. I hope your morning nap is lovely.

And finally:

Dear Comic Book Geek Boys,

Hi. I'm a girl. As evidenced by my breasts and my lack of an Adam's apple. Yes, I read comic books. Yes, I play Magic. And enjoy other, non-Star Wars, geeky things. No, this is not an invitation to spend an hour discussing your all-red burn deck with me. Nor is it an invitation to ask me if I'll be wearing a costume this Halloween (yes, by the way, I will. I've decided to go as Death-the cliche, not Endless-and will carry an authentic scythe. Enjoy, boys!).

If you would like a girl to like you (or at least not call Security on you), let me help you out with a few friendly pointers.

1) Arguing about who is the coolest Flash is not necessarily flirting-it is definitely not flirting when you start gesturing wildly and screeching, "BARRY! HOW COULD IT BE GODDAMN BART?! WHAT, DO YOU WRITE FANFICTION?!?!". Guess what? That's not sexy.
2) Asking her if she reads 'that Spider-Girl book' because she's a girl isn't showing interest, it's showing you're an ass.
3) Walking into a comic book store and making a derogatory comment with the expectation that it's a male you think you're better than, realizing it's a pretty girl and acting like it was a joke isn't just stupid, it makes me want to kick your teeth in. (Pssst, my proud male geek friends are totally better than you, just so you know)
4) Asking if the guys have me working here because I'm a girl is annoying. And only half-true.
5) If the girl behind the counter is wearing a wedding ring and discussing her two children, she's probably not going to be wooed by your ten minute discussion of different kinds of proton phasers and probably will NOT be running away with you.
6) If you expect to woo a girl, please don't fart in the back of the store. Just a tip. Also? Shower.
7) Trapping her on the phone so you can stroke your ego by discussing what old comic books you own and how much they're worth isn't impressive. What's impressive is bringing one of those old comic books as a tip on Wednesday. By the way, this will not make her run away with you. You would, however, get a discount. This also applies to discussing different Star Trek communicators (discount not applicable).
8) When attempting to engage a female in conversation, don't insult the books she has in her arms. (yes, I have seen this happen. Three times.)
9) Just stop floundering after her and ask for her damned number. Don't try to be funny and ask how much mana you'll need for the date or tell her you'd like to go out on Stardate 14256.5--I mean it.
10) Again: when engaging a female in a comic book store, do NOT insult the books she is carrying. Even if it is Ghost Whisperer.

Good luck and please stop hitting on me.

Thanks,

Friday

I'm Confused

2008-07-07T13:26:00.000-07:00

So, I was ~~stalking~~looking at my ~~stalkers~~readers via Analytics, and most of my search hits are pretty normal. You know, stuff I type about. And hey! No new porn searches in the last week! I feel unsexy.

But . . . there was this search and . . . I don't even know what the hell it means:

"my flow's make sense because i mention cras and i mention chicks"

. . . what's 'cras'. Um. Does anyone know? Is this hip lingo I'm not getting? What's . . . I have no idea. I'm . . . so confused and torn between just eyeing the screen and laughing.

Kirk's popped me up on his sidebar (all official and things, I'm quite pleased) so I'll take a moment to toss all of you at his blog, Weekly Crisis, which is much more Marvel savvy (and consistent) than mine. And DC savvy as well, but my appreciation dedicates itself to the Marvel savvy, because I'm still completely lost wading through who everyone is and why I should be surprised at Secret Invasion. Or not surprised.

And to make this a somewhat relevant comics post:

Back with a vengeance.

Previews up tomorrow as my week gets back on track and all things Batman begin to consume my brain. Is it too geeky to put up a counter to count down days/hours/minutes/seconds until Dark Knight?

Maybe?

Also: I watched the Doctor Who finale. And . . . consider me thoroughly owned by it and all things Doctor. God, Sci-Fi, catch up so I can talk to my friends about it.

This Week's Read Pile, or: You Get Screwed, I Get Sparklers

2008-07-04T08:01:00.000-07:00

Note: So I had half these typed up Weds night and then I figured I'd get to it during work on Thursday. And then Thursday was intensely busy (until Brian showed up, naturally), so I didn't get to it. And Thursday night I played Katamari and drank mojitos to celebrate getting through the hellish traffic. So really, nothing got done except swearing and rolling. And a lot of bad 'this is how I roll' jokes.

And then it was fireworks, margaritas, Magic and me unsuccessfully attempting to convince my friends they wanted to be a Tiefling Warlord or somesuch.

My friends clearly don't love me like they used to.

Also, we watched UFC and I'm pretty sure no one reading about comic books is also watching UFC except, uh, me, but let me take a moment to say: Forrest Griffin, you are the goddamn man. Not only can I not believe you lasted more than two rounds against Rampage Jackson, I can't believe you're the new belt holder. Also, it was an awesome five round fight and your stand-up has improved (and should improve more, if you'd like to keep that handsome new belt). Awesome. Super-impressed, I am. Watch out for Machida and Friends, you should.

More to the point, there's only . . . uh. Four reviews this week. Because it's Monday and you don't really care what I have to say, right?

That said, I'm starting with Batman R.I.P. (but only because this totally needs to go first. Screw salt and starch.)

Amusingly, I got texted about this issue and I got two 'wtfmycheese' e-mails. All of which are awesome, especially texting with George, because his what-the-fuckery is great (even if he forgets about me ::dies alone::).

Anyhow? I wasn't the only person that double-checked to make sure an issue didn't get missed in between this one and the last--good to know. Thanks to Bruce being shot up with drugs by Dr. Hush (right, that's his name) I can now employ the phrase "Batcrack" justifiably. Or "Batsmack". Wonderful. Because that's what my repetoire needed. Really!

My first thought after finishing this one was "wtf?" As was my second. My third read-through (really, this needed three?) was that Grant Morrison writes an awesome fucking trade comic. Maybe not so much monthlies, but I've seen much, much, much worse (even from the Batman line. War Games, anyone?). The issue's tempo reflects (sort of) Bruce's mindset--it's very disjointed, very off its ball and it's actually impressive an entire little story got told through the mood and pacing.

I'm a little irritated Nightwing got taken out off-panel, especially since the accompanying Nightwing wasn't a R.I.P. tie-in to show the off-panel shenanigans, but that's nobody's fault, really.

Tim Drake remains to be awesome. I wonder if he's sharing fashion advice with Jason?

Speaking of Jason, um, when's he showing up? Come on already, I want to see Morrison writing him. Very curious.

We get to find out Alfred's not dead (Realizing Its Pennyworth?! Redemption In Pennyworth??), no surprise, and more importantly: Mr. Fabulous Shoulder Pads has moved into the Batcave. Can you believe the set of platinum balls on this guy? Talking about making Bruce his butler?! Listen, man, as soon as Bruce sobers up and stops talking to his imaginary friend he's going to--

. . . sew himself a Zur-En-Arrh batsuit and pose with Batmite.

Hum.

Right then.

Recomendation: I'm still dealing with the Zur-En-Arrh suit and trying to figure out why Morrison has the memory of an elephant after doing all those drugs. Seriously, Grant, um . . . my memory is a bit shoddy after all mine and I'm definitely not . . . aged. To that point. That you are. Just saying.

Hyperkinetic #1: Howard Shum writing and Matteo Scalera on art with Oscar Celestini doing colors. I liked it! I wasn't disappointed--and hey, there may be some complaints from other females about the girl banter, but I personally liked it. Seriously--have you ever lived with three women of the same age? That's what it's like. You know, I wasn't armed with an awesome gun or fighting crazy things on an alien planet, but it's the same theory.

I'm taking a moment to inform you all that no one has ever peed in my shampoo.

I thought the art was pretty excellent and fun and was insanely pleased to see very little gratuitous shots of the girls and the story is interesting and . . . yep. Solid. Totally solid and interesting and--dude, chicks with guns. Chicks with guns who know how to use them.

Recommendation: Pick this up, this four-issue miniseries will be an enjoyable one.

The rest of the comics I previewed . . . I pretty much liked. (Pssst, this is where the laziness kicks in). Except Astonishing X-Men 25, but I think that's just because Ellis was coping with the fuckery that was the Whedon run and just said, 'fuck it, we're jumping ahead in time because I'm impatient'. I'll definitely give this a few issues to even up, but beware of a lot of dialogue that has . . . pretty much nothing to do with mostly anything.

And that's IT, suckers. Hope you all had a happy fourth and didn't blow up anyone's house, blow off a thumb or drink yourselves intensely stupid.

A Note

2008-07-02T18:31:00.000-07:00

Pausing from writing reviews to pose a question:

I can't be the only one in my teeny blogosphereverse that isn't really enamoured of Heroes, right?

Right?

I mean . . . it's alright and whatever, but I'm not completely blown away by it (I find it intensely predictable). Also: same opinion of Lost. Actually, no, I like Lost a lot less (except Sawyer. Who is Mr. McDelicious with a side of Rawr).

Tru Blood

2008-07-01T17:05:00.001-07:00

I meant to link to this in the post below as well. Whoops.

Books That Look Good (or not) and Other Cool Stuff

2008-07-01T11:28:00.001-07:00

So does anyone else's browser occasionally crash when they attempt to load Image's website? Three out of five times, goddammit. Christ, let me look at your books!

There's a lot of random stuff this week--and a myriad of collected links regarding cool stuff I've stumbled across in my internet adventures. Enjoy! Or not.

Image

Dynamo 5 #14: So much fun. That is all.

Noble Causes #35: I'm enjoying the time jump immensely--how about you guys? I enjoyed the alternate dimension reset too, frankly. I think it's quite easy to get bogged down in cliches, but the way Jay Faerber cheerfully employs them keeps them fresh and fun and reminds me why they became a cliche in the first place. It isn't always a terrible thing. Take a note, writers: It is possible to use a cliche without ever letting it become an ugly, uninspired mess of a thing.

His entry into the Top Cow Pilot Season 2008, Urban Myths looks great, as does Fran Bueno's pages for Undying Love, a series still in the birth process. I'm going to entertain the fantasy that the only thing Jay Faerber ever does is hide away with his computer and write awesome comics--because if I ever hear he has free time for an actual life, I may just implode.

So basically, this morning while we were brushing our teeth and groggily searching around for coffee, Jay F. was knocking off the third script of the day and had gotten up a half hour after we did. And he was magically wooing fantastic artists.

Hyperkinetic #1: Written by Howard Shum, art by Matteo Scalera and colors done by Oscar Celestini. This is a sci-fi action comedy about four intergalactic bounty hunters (and their robot) who end up going through a wormhole and crash-landing on an alien planet.

You can peek at some page previews right here at Shum's website.

I really like the art--it looks really dynamic and fun and the preview of the story peaked my interest as well, so I'm definitely gonna give this four-issue run a shot.

And on an awesome note: There was not a single gratuitous thong shot in any of the preview pages, I am so pleased.

The Astounding Wolf-Man #7: Oh, what's that? You haven't been reading this? Shame on you, now you can't find any and will have to pick up the trade.

The Sword TPB #1: And for all of you that've either missed the boat or just waited for the trade on all Luna goodness, here it is.

An awesome modern fantasy book about a woman who finds a sword after her family is murdered, brought to you by the Luna Brothers.

Also recommended (highly): Ultra Girl. Because getting laid can be a bitch.

Oh, hey--have you asked your local store to make sure I Kill Giants lands into your hands/subscription boxes? The first issue is coming out next week--make sure you don't miss it.

It's a story about a smart ass fifth-grader, Barbara Thorson, who carries around a war hammer in her bag and kills giants. Well, in her imagination she does. Or maybe not just in her imagination.

Joe Kelly and J.M. Ken Niimura are going to rock you out with a poignant story about a girl and the giants in her worlds. I predict heavy awesomeness.

IDW

Angel: After The Fall #10
Doctor Who #5
And don't you dare miss Ghost Whisperer #4. What a gem!

Seriously IDW, what is that title doing in your company?

And hum, hum, hum: Ben Templesmith signs an exclusive and has a book coming out in August, Welcome to Hoxford. Good and the promo pic to the left needs to be a poster on my wall.

Hmm, wait . . . can I have him?

Dark Horse

Buffy #16: The long-awaited introduction of the Fray storyline and Joss is back in the writer's seat, kicking off a new 'episode' for the series.

Hellboy: The Crooked Man #1: Hellboy meets Tom, a man who sold his soul to a demon known as the Crooked Man. They travel to the Appalachian mountains in an attempt to save Tom's soul.

There's no such thing as too much Hellboy.

The All-New Atom #25

Batman #678

Billy Batson and the Magic of Shazam! #1: You're picking this up, right? Right? Look at the adorable.

Blue Beetle #28

The Joker's Asylum: Joker: I sincerely hope that this isn't Joker-as-a-funny-haha-clown villain and is Scary As Hell Joker. Fingers crossed.

Manhunter #32

Nightwing #146

I sat here attempting to think of informative things to say about this week's DC releases or some sort of preview or whatnot and eventually came up with . . . pretty much nothing. I'm looking forward to seeing all these hit the shelves, really looking forward to reading them and . . . that's it. There'll be fun in the reviews, dammit.

Perhaps I need more caffeine. Or lunch.

Marvel

Astonishing X-Men #25: I really, really like the new costumes. Lots. Simone Bianchi is extraordinarily talented. And that Ellis guy isn't bad either. (whoreswhoresfuckwhores)

Secret Invasion: Front Line #1: I love the Front Line concept and am really looking forward to this from Brian Reed.

All Other Shenanigans

So, you've all probably seen this post by Paul Pope regarding Battling Boy, right? Oh well, I'm showing you again because I am so pleased by it. His description of the book leaves me very hopeful we can see it in the stores sooner rather than later.

"Battling Boy is the son of a god or a super hero—it is left unspecified—who comes down from the top of a mountain (or rather, from inside a cloud/UFO contraption/contrivance from above a mountain top) at this father's behest, in order to rid a giant city from it's plague of monsters. Hercules had his labors, Batman has his Gotham, Battling Boy has his Monstropolis."

Quite nice.

Also, his clothing line via DKNY is due out soon--August, right?

One day I'll get to meet him, dammit. Eventually. Maybe.

And look, Gerard Way can read my mind. The moment I got done with Umbrella Academy, I thought, "Well, that was fucking fantastic, but I really wish I could've seen some shenanigans from their teenaged years. Also, I want figurines." One out of two, so far, because on July 2nd there's going to be a short story on Dark Horse's MySpace Presents page from Way and Ba. Also, there's a comic tie-in to Dr. Horrible's Singalong Blog from Joss Whedon. Also, a Tara McPherson story, "How To Heal A Broken Heart".

This will definitely soothe the wounds caused by visiting a MySpace page.

Batman vs Batman vs Batman, especially for Oracle Batgirl, who I got to meet today and is awesome.

This is exceedingly clever. And funny.

The Awesomed By Comics podcast remains to be awesome and is actually increasing in its Awesome and hilarity. Click that link and go check it out. I need to remember to email them, actually, and inform Aaron how misled he is regarding Countdown and Grant Morrison's involvement in it. Oh look, problem solved (perhaps?) Aaron: You're misled. Gravely, gravely misled. Morrison didn't want them to touch the New Gods at all. From what I understand, he wanted the very first mention of them to be that first scene where Orion is discovered dead.

Also: Daaaaaaaamn.

Edit: Aha! I remember now. Go check out Bananaglass, which is odd and hilarious and quite clever. And don't forget to comment and inform him of such.

Speaking of damn, I need to start making bookmarks proper, I keep losing neat sites. Anyhow, that's mostly it--enjoy the rest of the day and comment if you think I might've forgotten something.

I just realized I didn't bitch about anything this week. Odd.

Oh Thank God It's Cloudy or: I Complain No Matter What

2008-07-01T09:55:00.001-07:00

Upon seeing the clouds this morning, I sobbed openly in relief. I swear I will not complain about cold weather until . . . January.

It's as if Mother Earth decided to punish all of our 'Oh my GOD, when will winter STOP?!' complaints with a brutal, three-day heat that had more than a few of us holing up in the basement WWII-style (or apocalypse style, whichever) or mourning over our melting action figures.

Temperatures rocketing from sixty degrees to ninety practically overnight does not a happy PNW make.

On the bright side, all my PNWs, at least we're not Californians!*

Seriously. Does anyone else suspect that Mother Earth is desperately trying to give them a blatant sign to abandon the state? Pssst, take the hint.**

* Please don't send your governor to beat up our governor.
** Geeked does not condone nor encourage the destruction of California.

Dr. Horrible

2008-06-30T14:27:00.000-07:00

Teaser from Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog on Vimeo.

I am so pleased to see this.

WWC-DC Nation Panel

2008-06-27T18:26:00.000-07:00

Pssst, CBR. Your coverage of this panel sucked. Really, really terribly--were you perhaps half-drunk when this was written out?

Here's a good example of how to do it well. Good show, Newsarama!

Anyhow, there's a lot of interesting things afoot--and a LOT of them sound pretty terrific.

See Blackest Night for some Aquaman stuff?
Superman and Company sound like they're getting revved up a bit--I especially appreciate the inclusion of Supergirl's book into the universe-proper. Thanks. The new team for her sounds promising.
Shut up McKeever.
No. Really.
More Elseworlds!!
Seriously. Stop talking.
Dick Grayson would make an emo permanent Batman, dammit. That cowl is far, far too broody for our circus boy. Give it to the thug.

This Week's Read Pile, or: Whedon The Astonishing Two-Trick Pony!

2008-06-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

So! Holy my crapola, Marvel, did any trees survive the Secret Invasion? Really, none?

Hey, at least Bush doesn't need to destroy that pesky forest for oil, even though we totally don't need them if SOMETHING could get the proper resources! Oh, like all the money we're wasting on oil! Just a thought. /politico.

Onto the comics. I promise.

Trinity #4: I think it's been well-established by now that Busiek writes the why of the trinity perfectly at this point--I'm going to repeat this exact sentence later, because it's so, so true. No matter what else you might want to say about this book, the three of them are down so pat it's something kind of beautiful.

Through the eyes and dialogue of the Peepers, we can see why they're the best crime-fighting trio ever. Superman the Savior, Wonder Woman the Inspiration and Batman the Sneaky Ninja Brains (also, he scares the hell out of people). There's a cool fight, more Batman Love which I'm finding hilarious and generally really excellent, solid dialogue.

And I realized what my big problem is--it isn't the pacing of it or the writing or the art, it's the conflict. Which is really . . . kind of flat so far. Not the Peepers--them I'm enjoying immensely. Really.

Here's what I would've enjoyed more: A longer set-up. Smaller battles, just them being them and slowly stumbling onto something that wouldn't demand explaining right away. Busiek writes them just being them so goddamn well--their interactions and the whys of how they're the trinity perfectly. So maybe something that just tied in slowly, so we could get Wonder Woman and Batman and Superman being supremely awesome in their own right with now pressure. Think Monster of the Week that slowly progresses into Awesomeness.

The Joss Theory.

Recommendation: It's still not striking as hot with me as I wish, considering I really love the team on this book and over-all it's done awesomely--something I'm attributing to both Weekly Burnout and Not Great Insta-Conflict. I don't like Insta-Conflict anyways. I can see big, big fans with a bit of disposable income picking this one up and riding out the beginner bumps, but if that's not you, perhaps you can pick up the trade to this when it's out and there's a slow comics week.

"Tut. Such admiration in your voice once again. He is a man, Enigma. Dressed in silk and leather, armed with . . . tricks and toys."

Enigma is totally running his one-man fanboy operations for Batman in the DCU. Love it.

Ms. Marvel #28: Brian Reed's writing this one and Adriana Melo is on pencils. I've found Ms. Marvel to be kind of a joke for . . . oh, maybe ever. But this issue I picked up because I like to have some faith and it was a tie-in and the last two issues have grabbed my interest a bit.

Um. She's . . . totally bad-ass in this. I'm already bored with the gratuitous body shots, but other than that, the pencils were gorgeous and the writing . . . well, Jesus. She kicks ASS in this issue. I actually reread it twice, just because I enjoyed the hell out of watching her punch people and really enjoyed her thoughts.

The plot synopsis is such a simple formula: There's a lot of Skrulls that need Carol to beat the hell out of them. So she does. But along the way, she reflects and rediscovers and connects with herself in such a basic, honest way that I'm intensely impressed by.

Recommendation: Grab it, even if you have no idea what the hell's going on, it's really self-explanatory and a great, great Girls Solidly and Cleverly Kicking Ass read. I love it when a chick's got some muscle and uses it.

"I punch until my knuckles hurt, and then I hit a little harder"

Young Avengers Presents: Hawkeye: Matt Fraction writing, Alan Davis pencils.

So, hey, if anyone happens to talk to Matt at the upcoming con (he's headed to one, right?), how about mentioning how purely fucking awesome this comic was? And, oh, ask if I'm hallucinating the not-right-chemistry between the Hawkeyes. Thanks.

This was gold--I enjoyed the other Presents, but this is the one that I found completely excellent. Kate's terrific, I think she's how Cassie over in DC should've been and the story told is so true to that, true to the conflicts of a teenage superhero in a world that has gone beyond screwed up, with no real heroes to look up to anymore and it's just . . . just go get it. I could spend a good chunk of this post discussing spoilers, but I don't think I will. Just go grab it and enjoy the too-short great of this shot.

I have to say too, that Davis' pencils purely reflected the writing and it was just . . . a nice little symphony. Marvel, I am SHOCKED. Two in a row.

Recommendation: You're really not paying attention if you need this filled.

"Who says two buds can't just cruise in a horse-drawn carriage? Me and my boys do it all the time.

Allllllll the time.

This is how we roll."

Poor teen-aged boy.

Huntress #4: Oh, hey, another awesome Huntress issue. The plot continues--there's a great fight scene, an interesting conversation while an arrow punctures a palm, the best conversation so far in this book, a funeral and a haircut and then Helena gets let back to Gotham.

The best conversation? Her and Barbara. Totally. I would like to frame those pages for some excellent posterity--for Barbara's attempts at making a foreign friend alone, is this comic awesome. Good thing it's got a whole bunch of other awesome stuff in it.

Also featured: The Bat Family being creepy in their own home. Excellent!

Recommendation: Pick it up already!

"Can't say my name. And what would I talk about with her? That I'm increasingly favoring kevlar and body armor? I'm sure we'd have a lot in common."

Batman: Gotham After Midnight #2: Steve Niles and Kelley Jones again and God, this is extremely delicious. Batman's cape remains to be completely epic--I think Robin's trapped up in there somewhere, attempting some desperate acrobatics to get free.

The story continues from Batman being seemingly dead and the thugs cheering contentedly around his body. And then they have to go ruin Batman's plan by being stupid and trying to axe him. Literally, actually, and in comes some supremely fine Batman inner-dialogue, because we all know the crazy bastard likes to talk to himself. There's some fine punching here, as well as a nice double-page splash that shamelessly exploits his cape some more (no little green boots sighted, Robin must've shifted).

We get villain reveal (kind of) who looks nice and creepy. We get more of his normal villains acting quite strangely and more from the detective lady and more of Niles' clever writing.

Lots more and Jones' art is as much a treat. Especially that cape. Good Gods, the cape.

Recommendation: This is a complete treat that should turn into a classic Batman story in time. It isn't overly heavy or intensely-laden with an over-reaching continuity that would otherwise bog the story down. So, Batman fans, this one's for you. And fans of Steve Niles. And really great crime story fans (because hey, Niles remembered Batman's a detective--something that tends to get pushed to the side in a few other books that have him constantly punching stuff). And fans of beating people up.

And Epic Cape Fans. Definitely those.

"One thing you can always rely on with criminals is that sooner or later they will do something stupid . . ."

Runaways #30: Alright. Well, let's start this off on a great note: The cover is completely beautiful and I would really love a poster version of this. Nico's gorgeous and I think I'll dress like her for Halloween. Only, you know, I'm not a teenager--but I still can still PASS so long as people are assuming I'm a babysitter instead of a mother. It's only been . . . not even ten years yet. Shut up!

I'm segueing here, because discussing Joss Whedon being such an epic let down feels a wee bit sacrilegious. I went into this issue so exasperated with his entire run, but still expecting . . . Joss Worthy Stuff. He's delivered before and even though I didn't want to, my little fangirl heart held her breath and hoped.

And I got the two-trick pony ride, courtesy Ringmaster Joss. Also, the little fangirl heart passed out.

Here's what I'm tired of: The constant failure of relationships on an epic, heartbreaking level. Pssst, Joss: WE GET IT! FIND A NEW POINT!

I promise, the symbolism isn't lost on us! We get the rarity of a perfect relationship! We get that The World Is Fucked and finding a perfect relationship is a near impossibility! We're also starting to get that maybe-maybe you've got one card up your sleeve and it ain't the Queen of Hearts.

There was no reason for Lillie to stay in the past(present). Really. None. Here's a clue: Sixteen year-old girls to stupid, scary things for boys they're in lurve with all the time. Just look at MySpace! And sixteen year-old girls would do especially stupid, scary things for really yummy boys that adore them. Especially a girl that seems to have no real male role model (remember, this is one of your favorite things to do to all your characters)! They tend to seek stability, you know, and things that are sturdy and anchor-shaped and if it comes in a really delicious Adores Her package, you can bet your Buffy that she'll take the jump.

Really, Joss, I thought you were better than this--do you really remember nothing from Buffy? I mean . . . where's the mojo gone? 'Cause I'm looking and I'm seeing . . .

A reprint of Astonishing. Bleh.

This issue was Not Awesome and I am Disappointed. I am completely underwhelmed by the wrap-up, completely underwhelmed by the character development over all, completely tired of the Same Old Conflicts and the Same Old Heartbreaks and really, all of this has me shouting, "NO MORE!" with feeling.

Reccomendation: Man, I can't believe I'm saying this: Forget about it. Wait for Terry Moore. I'm going to go drown my sorrow in some Jaynestown now.

Final Crisis #2: Solid. Awesome. I liked very much--I also think that unless something supremely epic happens, I'm saving my review for the next eight months and weighing in when all is said and done. (Note: OMG LAST PAGE IS AWESOME. ::cough:: That's all.)

Funny because it is TRUE.

2008-06-26T10:52:00.000-07:00

Also I purchased, brace yourselves, 47 comic books and 9 trades. While Brian was ringing me up Friday demanded commission, then she removed all the money from my bank account and tore out my still beating heart for good measure, Brian simply had cartoon cash register eyes. So needless to say I used my Economic Stimulus Check to stimulate the hell out of The Stop's economy.

-The Maimed Man, recounting his visit to The Stop yesterday. I cannot stop laughing. Because it is so very true.

I love retail. Especially on Wednesdays. It is the complete truth that I tell people, "Thanks for giving us your money!" after I ring them out.